I need some advice about my mum as I can get defensive easily due to things in my childhood. A bit of context: she was very controlling when I was growing up (read my diaries, monitored my phone and email account, quizzed me incessantly about friendships, even once followed me to a party to check my exact whereabouts…I was 19 at the time!)
Over the years I’ve patched up my relationship with her and established boundaries and ways to preserve my privacy. I understand her better and it turns out she was treated in the same way by her parents and sometimes I feel sad for her as I don’t think she has been able to process the feelings that come with being controlled by her own mother.
Anyway I'm now 29 and recently engaged. Me and my fiancé have been taking initial steps to plan the wedding and including her as much as I can. She’s suddenly becoming very controlling, offering big sums of money, buying items that she likes for the wedding without asking me and discussing my potential venues with other family members to see what they think.
I feel violated and upset so I snapped at her and she’s now not talking to me normally even though I apologised for snapping at her. I don’t know if I’m feeling extra sensitive as I’m panicking about the controlling behaviour coming back. Am I being ungrateful and confusing her enthusiasm with controlling behaviour?