Page 2 | Sick of always being the one who has go ask for play dates

sial · 2024-07-10T19:57:31+00:00

We moved to a new area almost 3 years ago and have found it quite challenging to make connections. I've really put myself out there, meeting mums at the park, using the peanut app. My DD is finally at preschool and we have a class WhatsApp and I see a lot of mums around and DD asks for play dates with friends etc. But it just always seems to be me who has do ask. We do the play date and then if I don't ask again, they don't ask. It's a bit frustrating. They'll happily come and do something if I ask, but no one ever reaches out to me to ask us first. I've created a group of girls who play together and it's the same on there too. Unless I ask, nothing happens. I'm really sick of always being the one to go begging for play dates. Is it just me ? Should I just keep doing it for my DD ?

Original poster

sial · 10/07/2024 21:10

Whothefuckdoesthat · 10/07/2024 21:09

I think you’ve fallen into the role of organiser for a group of parents who are very happy to let you organise. If you stop, the kids won’t see each other outside of school (I’m not describing them as play dates. I’ve tried but it makes me cringe).

I don't know how else go describe it either but you're right play date is silly.

Yes I have fallen into that role now. I just need to accept it.

OP posts:

Whothefuckdoesthat · 10/07/2024 21:09

I think you’ve fallen into the role of organiser for a group of parents who are very happy to let you organise. If you stop, the kids won’t see each other outside of school (I’m not describing them as play dates. I’ve tried but it makes me cringe).

Original poster

sial · 10/07/2024 21:08

I'm one of those mums who accepts play dates but never returns the offer - sorry! 😬

Playdates are my personal hell. I'm socially awkward, I say weird things by accident and can't bear the feeling of being judged by another mum I don't know very well. Thats not to say I think they are actually judging me but it's just a feeling I always get and can't shake.

I also can't deal with rejection so even if I didn't really want it to happen, if I messaged a mum and they made excuses I would think about it for weeks and it would cause much anxiety! If I'm invited I make the effort for my kids but it's just not something I feel comfortable trying to arrange myself.

I would love to be one of those popular mums who has loads of friends and does stuff together with all the kids all the time but it just doesn't match my personality and I guarantee a lot of other mums are the

Thank you for your perspective. I empathise with some of what you're saying for sure. Especially feeling rejected if someone says they can't make it.

I'm sure you're not that awkward and if someone can lighten the mood a bit and get to know you, I bet the weird things you say are funny. Don't beat yourself up. 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

sial · 10/07/2024 21:04

Just carry on if you/your DD enjoys the playdates. It's not really that much effort to ask someone for a playdate via WhatsApp.

That's a positive way to look at it thank you.

OP posts:

SophieB0012 · 10/07/2024 21:03

I'm one of those mums who accepts play dates but never returns the offer - sorry! 😬

Playdates are my personal hell. I'm socially awkward, I say weird things by accident and can't bear the feeling of being judged by another mum I don't know very well. Thats not to say I think they are actually judging me but it's just a feeling I always get and can't shake.

I also can't deal with rejection so even if I didn't really want it to happen, if I messaged a mum and they made excuses I would think about it for weeks and it would cause much anxiety! If I'm invited I make the effort for my kids but it's just not something I feel comfortable trying to arrange myself.

I would love to be one of those popular mums who has loads of friends and does stuff together with all the kids all the time but it just doesn't match my personality and I guarantee a lot of other mums are the same!

Dishwashersaurous · 10/07/2024 21:01

So sometimes someone just becomes the organiser in a group. It's normally a slightly unconscious thing but someone takes on that role and everyone is just happy with that.

It seems that is the role which you have accidentally fallen into

NuffSaidSam · 10/07/2024 21:00

You're obviously just more keen on playdates than they are.

Don't worry about it. If you ask, they say yes so they obviously like you and your DD.

Just carry on if you/your DD enjoys the playdates. It's not really that much effort to ask someone for a playdate via WhatsApp.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 10/07/2024 20:59

If you're new to the area they probably have mum friends they arrange play dates with rather than the kids asking for particular children, that's what it was like for our friends anyway. Then as the kids got older and started making firmer friends in class we started branching out more.