Sick of always being the one who has go ask for play dates

Ah, you've had the introverts out in force for you OP.

We did loads of play dates at this age; in groups or individual. I used to find it slightly frustrating being organiser, particularly when other mums would pester about when I was setting up the next one. Where I most see benefits as he's got older is general social skills, but also resilience in playing with others. DS has a LOT of friends, so if one kid is sick / grumpy / caught up with another kid - he just goes off to other friends. Some of the others get ever so upset when their one friend has a new best friend, because their social circle is smaller. I'm sure they'll all grow out of it, but it's nice not to have the upset.

Still, time has moved on and there is a core group now where multiple mums suggest things, so we have a bunch of extra invites. We meet just as mums too; a core group of us chat and meet a lot with kids but we can have up to 20 at a meet-up session just for mums, none of whom would ever think to organise it themselves. They are still lovely, so worth keeping the doors open.

Stick with it. As this thread illustrates, there are lots of people who just aren't bothered about playdates, and you can gradually weed those out. Once school starts, playdates become a thing, and you will find out which families DO want to do playdates, and get into a nice easy cycle with them. I would also focus on individual playdates rather than groups.

Playdates and teatime club have been really important for cementing friendships (more so because we live in London and just playing out is less common).

This. People don’t want to do it at that age as it takes hrs out of their day to sit around making small talk, whether they are comfortable chatting or not - it’s not productive. It’s much easier when they are older and you can drop them off and leave. You’ll find people are much more willing then. Just cut back on the play dates. Sounds like you are verging on the exhausting with them

I moved to a new area and then had a baby after about a year. I have gradually met other mums through NCT then standing around outside pre school chatting and eventually the school itself. School was easier because you’re seeing each other consistently and there are these whole class parties where parents all stayed ( didn’t just drop and go) for the reception year so there will be opportunities to expand your network coming up. When I was growing up friends just came to call for you and we played in the street. The only places I’ve seen that around here have been in small blocks of flats where they have communal gardens and the kids all play. Sadly I’ve always had to generate those opportunities for my DD.

Same, I’ve arranged one group playdate, otherwise Dd tends to have playdates with her best friend, the mum and I have an easy relationship so it’s pretty straightforward for me. Otherwise I’m a really socially awkward person.

Honestly I know it’s annoying but it’s probably a good thing that you are proactive. We are super busy, DD has activities after pre-school everyday and weekends I often want to just flop. But if someone suggests a playdate I will always go. Some of us need a little shove. Keep doing what you are doing, there will be parents who are grateful that you bother. I definitely would be. You may find over time people become more confident about suggesting something.

I get it. I'm in the process of having to accept I'm around people who don't really need me but I need them if I'm going to provide my DC with appropriate socialisation outside of the family unit. When you feel frustrated focus on what your child needs and try not to dwell too much on whether the situation is fair to you. Obviously it isn't but you can't change it.

Preeschool?
Meet up at the playgrounds at the park.
Families are quite busy and 3-4 yo don't need a lot of playdates.

I think it’s quite unusual to have so many play dates at that age, it’s great that your daughter loves it but it’s not really the norm and that’s probably why other parents aren’t reciprocating. When parents are working, time with the kids is precious and they don’t necessarily want to be spending it with other families who they are only friends with because their children are the same age.

The list of similar threads that mum sent suggested for me below yours were all about people not enjoying play dates. So I’m not sure how popular they are these days.

I will do them for my kids sake when I have to, but I am never ever going to suggest them. It’s nothing personal against other mums either, but I just cannot feel comfortable until it’s over, A play date always disrupts the dynamics amongst my own kids, someone’s going to be left out or pestered and over stimulated! Hard work.

I echo what another poster had said about not enjoying playdates - I worry about clearing up my house if round mine / do I provide food / what do I do if my child kicks off or won’t share etc / partner is trying to WFH and it’s noisy / what do I do if they cancel and my child is really disappointed..

We have such a busy schedule as it is, it just seems like additional stress when we can pop to the park in our own time and they can play there and socialise. It does help that my 2 are quite close in age and can play together now.

If they've not even started school yet then what is the big rush to have all these extra play dates? You've got years ahead of you

It's true though. I don't chase people for playdates because we're busy enough. We happen to have a lot of friends with children the same age as mine. I will happily attend the odf playdate (and offer to host) but don't really chase them. I find some friends are keen to do them more often than I can fit in - meeting once then immediately trying to organise the next thing.

They seem a bit young to have all this extra organised socialising. Won't your child play with other children if you take her to a playground or museum for example?

In my personal experience, play dates weren’t really a thing at this age. I only did them with friends I wanted to see who happened to have dc the same age. It’s tedious making small talk with randoms. Play dates became more a thing in primary school when they could just be dropped off for a few hours. Otherwise, at nursery, they had time for socialisation. They didn’t need to do it outside too. We were busy with work and life and wanted family time together. If someone invited us and others seemed to be going, I’d begrudgingly go too. But definitely wouldn’t have been something I initiated as frankly just didn’t want to hang out with the mums from nursery.

That’s nice dear 🙄

I never had playdates Had 4 of my own and didnt need anymore kids round. Plus all the neighbours had kids the same age so they all played together in gardens and on the green outside the houses.
I found it was mothers whose own kids were bored tried to seek out playdates. Mine weren't..

I think that you need to reframe this as , you are good at organising and therefore it happens.

Whereas if you didn't do anything then there wouldn't ve any playdates

Yes I have fallen into that role now. I just need to accept it It is definitely a crap situation to be in, but I’d look at it as it being an ‘other people’s laziness’ issue rather than a ‘nobody invites us anywhere’ issue.