Telling teenage dd that her clothing is too revealing

I've had this recently with DD. She was really begging me to buy her those Nike Pro shorts that are not any bigger than pants as 'everyone else has them'. She's right, some of her friends do wear them but I just could not agree to them as she's only 12! I pointed out how they weren't much bigger than her actual underwear and would she walk around town in those? We settled on some other Nike shorts that were slightly longer (why are all the shorts so short these days??) and she came in recently and said she's glad she didn't get them as some boys were shouting things to her friend who was wearing them and it made her really uncomfortable.

I think a lot of the reasoning on why we won't allow our DDs to wear what they want is the unwanted attention/comments of usually older males. A sad but true reality.

Personally I don't think that's appropriate either

It's disgusting to read words along the lines of "they weren't asking to be raped". What the fuck? This has been said by two posters.

Is that an appropriate thing to say? Maybe think about how triggering that could be for people who just think they're reading about a young girl wearing shorts.

Please think about the words you use.

Take a photo and show it to her. She probably doesn't know what she looks like!

I'm in the same boat, too.

DD tells me she 'just wants to fit in' so I feel conflicted when I pull her up about it.

She spends most of her days in leggings and t-shirts but on occasion has pushed the boundaries which just ends in us falling out.

This country needs more parents like you! Too many scantily dressed kids around these days it’s a bad look!

You did nothing wrong OP. Id view it exactly the same if a teen son was wearing his trousers too low with his underwear or bum on show, that would get a firm no from me too. Its nothing to do with whether they are girls or boys, its about educating young people about dressing appropriately, other people don't want to see it.
Those saying its accepted for men to go around with no shirt on? No its not, plenty of people find it inappropriate and distasteful. If they are too hot better to shade the skin with a loose cotton shirt.

I think I would have said they're too short and not added the bit about you can't wear them unless I had done everything first to try to get her to decide that for herself.

OP I completely understand, said as a mother of a 14 year old dd who is going through the same thing.

It's a hard balance to allow them freedom to learn along with not wounding their very large 14 year old pride.

I like the idea of filming them from all angles so they can see exactly what everyone else will be seeing.

And reminding them it comes from a place of love and care and not because we hate them and want them to live like nuns in their bedroom for the rest of their lives.

I really wish more parents would veto what their dd are wearing out these days.
I can bet we’ve all looked at a teenager and thought “what on earth”.
My niece has been taught from a young age about self respect, not feeling the need to follow trends (that are there to exploit us) and well, not dressing like a street walker. (Age appropriately spoken about , and drip fed over the years as she’s growing up)
The trends are exploiting our girls, and we shouldn’t accept it imo. Children should be protected . They’re not children for very long. They can wear what they want when they move out.

I was yes. She looked so vulnerable.

That’s what I meant thank you.

Dressing appropriately for the occasion need to be learnt. So you need to teach her. Probably the easiest way is if you buy an equivalent pair for yourself to wear around the house!

I would offer to video her walking from the back so she can check that she's happy with the look.

I live very close to a music venue and often see women walking by who probably looked great posing in the mirror at home, but bloody hell it doesn't work in motion.

There needs to be a level of decency. And I know I will be shouted at when I'm going to say it does protect them a certain extent from perverts. And yes I know men should know better etc etc. But the reality is letting girls parade around with their arse out doesn't change male behaviour.

I know we should be teaching boys not to be inappropriate and telling girls where what you want. But that doesn't stop the weirdos really, does it?

I'm not saying girls /women wearing revealing clothes are asking to be raped. I'm saying it does protect them to a certain extent from people cat calling and making them feel uncomfortable.

I will be flamed. I don't care.

I will say though, part of the reason that my daughter is cautious is that she was sexually assaulted and harassed in Y8 by a boy in her year. Plus boys used to upskirt them. She won't wear a tight pencil skirt at school either

Why are you so scared of her? Tip toeing, hinting ? Just tell her straight that it's not a good look and why.

You were going to comment on the appropriateness of clothing to a teenager that you don’t know?!

Yanbu, I think it's your job to tell her if her clothes look cheap and tacky. I remember attending an event and a young teenage girl wore something completely inappropriate and looked so awful, you could see her parents looking very embarrassed and everyone clearly thinking why didn't they do anything.

Sometimes we have to tell our children bluntly, not to hurt but to educate. In the future point out mannequins or other women's outfits or online things around the shopping centre and say why you like them. Drop things in like my mum used to 'legs or boobs, but not both' and other silly things.

Please say ‘child sexual abuse’, not porn. Children cannot be involved in porn, they cannot consent,

There’s a difference between skimpy clothes ( it’s summer ) and shorts that show your arse, whatever age you are. Awful clothes are definitely a teen right of passage, but there’s a limit and she’s your child who you want to protect. Of course she’ll hate it, but you know what? Tough. She’ll get over it eventually.

And yes I have a daughter