Telling teenage dd that her clothing is too revealing

I do resent mothers of boys or very biddable girls giving their judgemental two penny worth. Walk a mile in my shoes. I would never dream of opining on boys gaming habits for example which is an issue I have never had to deal with but friends with boys have really struggled with.

Oh and the time my 14 year old got horrifically verbally sexually abused on a bus by a random old perve she was wearing her school tracksuit and not a scrap of make up.

You’re spot on.

"I mean... You have a fabulous figure but you do realise everyone will be staring at your arse, don't you? And I include all the sleezy older men in that..."
My 15 year old didn't take offence and only wears tiny clothes at home and poolside now.

She'll thank you later. I've got three adult daughters who all ask why I didn't stop them when they look at old outfits in photos.

It sounds as if you were tactful. Congratulations on parenting. Some people want to be like those X factor parents, telling their tone-deaf, talentless offspring that they're going to be a star. I don't think it does them any favours really. We are supposed to guide them to good choices after all and you criticised the outfit not her.

Such a difficult topic.

I have two boys aged 17 and 14 and have never had to have a single conversation about them wearing anything too scanty / too revealing / indecent / not dignified / not classy / sexualised / no self respect / inappropriate / desperate / etc. All these descriptors have been used in this thread to describe the girls clothing choices btw. How many boys do you see going around with their bum cheeks hanging out? Zero. Wearing a low waistband does not compare. It might be inappropriate but it’s not socialised in the same way.

14/15 year old girls want to be noticed and to be sexually appealing - but aren’t old enough to handle the consequences of it. It’s a minefield.

I think it’s sad that in our patriarchal misogynistic society these are the clothes lauded as being trendy. I don’t blame the girls - they are teens and just want to fit in with their peers. Shame that to do so these are the “acceptable” clothes.

It’s really hard I have teen girls. I would never judge a girl or her parents. It’s horrible having to shoot them down and tell them their choice of outfit looks shit. That’s never going to be a fun relationship enhancing conversation is it. You get adult women years later remembering negative comments family members have made so you do have to be careful. Not easy.

Teens dressing like that is not a 'rite of passage' stop normalising it, yes everyone should wear what they like in an ideal world but sadly it's full of pervy sleazy disgusting types who will look at them sexually. I got through all my teenage years without wearing revealing clothing and same with my friends, and we had a great time.

Op she's 14 you absolutely did the right thing..I bloody hate those short shorts with my life. Many arguments in the house about clothes but I say it straight. If she doesn't like it tough... I remember when I use to feel stressed at those crop tops.. now I see how modest they were compared to the shorts...🤣🤣.. oddly thou.. the other day at the shops I had made a knot in my shirt and it was starting to ride up.. dd was telling me to pull it back and covering my back so no one could see...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Sorry didn't mean to quote.

Your line, is your line.It is a safety thing but also they do just look a bit stupid and you do not want your daughter judged.

Been there with the yelling at the front door that you are not going out like that. Dh says ‘in the best possible taste’ like kenny Everett after the door has slammed.

It's so hard I can see I'm going to have to have the same conversation with my 14 year old, which is going to be even harder as she's autistic and really likes to fit in.

You’re right, OP. Ignore your silly ex.

Definitely worth a chat with DD about how she wants to be seen by all others - not just her mates. Also really important to know when/how to dress appropriately for occasions. It sounds like the outfit for the family event was really cringey.

I remember vividly when my body started changing and realising that some clothes looked more revealing than I was really comfortable with, despite my outward bravado. At that age, I needed my parents to put their foot down, as it gave me a get out from a situation I would have tried to front out, but not actually felt comfortable with.

I was one of those teens who was allowed to wear whatever I wanted and in hindsight I wish I wasn't. I was so incredibly naive, I really had no idea that older men would be looking at me in a sexualised way. I never drew the connection between wearing a boob tube and low rise jeans with a thong showing and getting honked at by white van drivers. I just thought I looked cool like Britney Spears.

I wouldn’t let my son or daughter go out in shorts that show their bum cheeks. It wouldn’t be fair on them. I find it sad that girls are sold this crap.

You may have been better saying the shorts didn't fit. Perhaps suggest leggings under dresses/skirts that are a bit too short, some of the skirts they wear now barely cover their bum.

During the hot weather the style seemed to be sports bra and knickers, though several seemed to miss out on the 'sport' and basically went around in bra and pants.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. It’s about what’s appropriate to wear at different times. Would I walk down the High Street in a bikini… no… but I would walk along the beach in one. I might wear a mini dress to a nightclub, but I wouldn’t to the office. Rules apply to adults as well as teens so she shouldn’t feel she’s being patronised.
You could perhaps even keep the shorts and say you’ll put them aside for holiday, by then she might have changed her mind anyway.
I remember once buying some silky purple underwear when I was a similar age and my mum flippantly saying “ok… but I wouldn’t have chosen it… purple is a prostitute’s colour”… I kept them but never wore them and I haven’t bought purple underwear since! She might pretend she doesn’t care but will be taking note of what you say.

My 15 year old step-daughter wore some bum cheek shorts. I commented about it and she said it was fashion.
The following day was her sports day so I appeared wearing some. She begged me to get changed. I did but I've not seen her wearing hers again either 😂

I walked up the stairs at a station recently. Ahead of me was a young teenage girl with shorts on so tight and small I could see her arse completely from the angle. How depressing that this is seen as empowering. It isn't. It is desperate and attention seeking of the wrong kind. It is antisocial in the same way that young men wearing their jeans under their arse. Grim.

YANBU. Sometimes it just has to be said and as her mum, it's your job to say it. I do the same for my DD.

Why go out with three quarters of your arse on display and complain when people stare, because they will stare, men AND women, because it looks bloody awful and smacks of Look at me!!!
How about a bit of dignity and self respect?

Perhaps you need to explain the implications then. Leave the choice up to her but explain why you aren't so keen. Make it clear it's nothing to do with her appearance and solely to do with not wanting her to get unwanted attention from sleazy men. I mean if she's out in the daytime with friends she's not actually at risk of serious harm so it wouldn't hurt to let her learn for herself..but if you've prewarned her at least she will be better able to cope with it

Girls and women can choose to wear what they like of course.
However I find it so depressing that at such a young age, that choice is to dress like a sex doll.
They are getting constant messaging that hypersexualisation is all they are worth and their only way to get approval.

Oh and its meant to be "impowering" as well.
So grim.

I think saying they are too small and she needs a different size would likely be taken by a teenager as you saying they are fat. They probably are the right size it just seems to be fashionable now to have tight clothing with bums and boobs hanging out. May have been better just saying they are too revieling so you are not wearing them.

I remember my mum saying I was dressed like a prostitute.

definitely no bum cheeks out though - much more covered than that. You’re right to guide her, she’s still almost a child

I have a DD 15 and I am very comfortable saying things like 'bit too much showing, my darling' or 'that's probably tipping over into desperate looking' or 'heavens no'. She gets annoyed with me sometimes but then I much more frequently say things like 'what a cute outfit', 'you're slaying that' or 'you look really well put together today, what a classy girl!' I give her loads of compliments about being quick, funny, smart & caring too. It is our job to parent and that includes guidance. I wouldn't let my boys go out flashing their arses either.