Telling teenage dd that her clothing is too revealing

I could go into any high street in the UK and see literally scores of men with their bum cracks on show and their beer bellies hanging out.

What's the difference?

Because it's a young girl and men will leer at them?

Whose fault is that? The young girl wearing the current fashion or disgusting men?

Such hypocrisy!

It's so difficult, as a mum you want to "protect" them but it's so fucking unfair.

Google "What were you wearing" exhibitions. Heartbreaking and not a short short in sight.

I don't know the answer OP it's a minefield. But I let my daughter wear what she likes.

Can I just say WELL DONE! I would be exactly the same. I tell my daughter a few times a day how nice she looks, clothes hair make up. BUT when the day comes I will tell her tactfully then inform her she won’t be wearing it out the house. Iv seen girls and I’m shocked, Iv also heard others make comments. I wouldn't want my daughter commented on like that. These young girls are still finding themselves but it’s down to us to enforce what’s appropriate or not.

*rite of passage
Nobody - boys, girls, men, women, the others, should have their arse cheeks hanging out in public. It's just wrong.

Unfortunately "butt out" seems to be the problem here.

🤮🤢

I agree with PPs that some men will cat call women and girls no matter what they're wearing, it used to happen to me in my school uniform. However, certain outfits do put girls at greater risk of being targeted or objectified. It's horrible that this is the case but it's our job to make girls aware of this and not let them be so naive.

I think women and girls in general are far too naive about men. A survey last year found 1 in 6 men admitted they would have sexual contact with a girl under 18 if no one would find out.

I was at a friends BBQ recently and a young girl (16) had a very very skimpy outfit on - top and bottoms. It was laughed off as ‘that’s what teens do’ but considering the other guests were mostly in their forties it was gross to catch the men either looking or trying desperately not to be looking…..

There is a difference between teaching girls to cover up because of a fear of other people's opinions and supporting girls to reflect on what is driving their decision to display certain parts of their body.

The former is repressive whereas the latter is encouraging girls to actively consider the choices they are making.

I get very worried for the young girls I see out and about who are basically just in what I would deem to be underwear. I am shocked at what I see sometimes and wonder what on Earth their parents are thinking? Surely they want to not only protect their daughters from inappropriate attention from certain types of males but to guide them in developing self-respect? Just as we wouldn't let them go out and about in soiled clothing and smelling of stale urine, we shouldn't allow our young girls out and about in clothing that is skimpy and immodest for similar reasons- it will affect how they are regarded and treated and for the worse! We love our children so we need to not only protect them from negative attention but help them develop such a good sense of their own worth that they do not even want to wear skimpy immodest clothing because they know they're worth so much more than being seen as a sex object! Also, why is modesty not seen as a positive thing anymore and why are those of us who are disturbed and even scandalised by immodest clothing, on males as well as women but especially on underage girls, told off as if WE were the ones with bad minds? All this "don't police what women wear " guff? How the heck can any of us "police" other people's clothing choices- we can't arrest and handcuff anyone can we! We can't stop their adults going out looking immodest and scandalising us but parents can and should stop their underage kids from doing so! We need to love our kids so selflessly, that we are prepared to risk being disliked and raged at by them to protect them from harm and their own immaturity and naivite. Young girls really do not understand how men are; they're innocent and need educating in an age appropriate way, which will at times include setting very form boundaries.
As parents though we not only have the right to tell our underage children how to dress and behave but have a duty to do so! I think something's gone badly wrong in our society when parents who are justifiably concerned for their children are too scared of setting appropriate boundaries with them, and are even condemned for trying to do so! It's a parent's job for crying out loud! Who wants their daughter's to be fantasy fodder for perverts? No caring parent wants that surely, so anyone shaming you for trying to set good boundaries and protect your daughter is the one in the wrong OP! YANBU!

I've had this with my teenage daughter, I just told her that walking around with your bum cheeks out is going to attract attention that she is too young to deal with. She moaned a-bit but I just told her it's not up for debate, when she has a job and her own money she can wear whatever she wants but until then has to go along with my rules. I'm fine with the bum scrunch leggings/belly tops and short shorts to a degree, just not the shorts that could pass as a thong. In an ideal world we should all be able to dress as we please but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

Battling this with DTs too. They wear Nike pros under their skirts. The skirts are rolled so short that you can see the pros. It seems to be the in thing.

Don't get me started on the primark seamless sets where you can see vulva and butt. I've put my foot down on those.

I think it's important to let her know that some clothes aren't appropriate for certain situations. Rightly or wrongly, people are judged for the clothes they wear.

What's socially appropriate and what's not in different situations is one of these things that some teenagers pick up naturally whereas others need more guidance with it.

I remember saying to DD
Your bum is hanging out, was that the look you were going for?
She went and changed
I also drew the line at what was appropriate for a specific event but luckily it wasn't generally an issue.
I think keep it lighthearted but if its really inappropriate then say no.
As for your Ex he doesn't get to choose how you Parent (within reason of course)

Men don't have breasts though, which, rightly or wrongly, are seen as sexual body parts in our culture, and therefore it's not a like for like comparison.

Boys generally aren't going around wearing shorts so short we can see their bum cheeks - and if they were, I think most people would find it just as inappropriate as when girls do it.

I don't know why anyone is entertaining the idea about modesty and protecting girls from perverts. The same girls will go to a family resort wearing swimwear and be subjected to it. Or will they, because somehow a woman's body is appropriate in a hiking at the beach but not tiny shorts in the high street. It's just a bloody bum.

Girls especially experience this shit no matter what and we are the generation that comes before them and we have a role in shaping the society we want to see. I want to see a world where a woman or child is not adjusting their behaviour or clothing to not feel at risk from men so I stand woth these girls and their right to dress how they like 100%.

Perverted men are the problem.

I hope anyone here who has been with a male making an observation on a females outfit have spoken up in their defense.

No, it's usually the crack. I've seen far more mens arse cracks than female arse cheeks. Even with the trend for beach thongs.

Very normal for teenagers and no she won't be scarred for life by your objections! I used to go out with clothes over my very short skirt and whip them off once I was out of sight of the house to overcome my dad's objections! I wasn't really upset by their disapproval and quite enjoyed the drama of outsmarting them 😂 Don't stress about it, you're right to be honest with her, she'd probably know if you were lying anyway!

YANBU just tell her it's not appropriate to walk the street with your arse cheeks out.

On a deeper level I think it's tough for us as mothers because we have probably all been victim to unwanted advances and pervy men (at the least). We know it isn't our fault, and we know we shouldn't have to dress modestly to prevent it (not that this is a solution anyway).

But we also know that it happens, and we want to keep our daughters safe from it, especially when they are so young and vulnerable.

So we want to protect them, without explicitly telling them that men may sexualise them, because we don't want them to feel like it's "on them" to stop creeps assaulting them, and we don't want to restrict them or their confidence.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness. It's a minefield.

He has a right to his opinion, yes. But he doesn't get to tell the OP what her opinion should be.

'Legs or boobs, not both' is definitely a rule.

There does seem to be a trend among girls for wearing VERY short shorts. Not entirely appropriate - however, I do think they're a little more forgiving worn with sneakers/Converse. Definitely NOT heels!

OP - Maybe you could compromise on this?

That said, when I was in uni, my housemates and I frequently got honked/ cat calls because we were a few girls together. It happened when we were going on a night out in skirts and heels or if we were going walking along in jeans, hoodies and trainers - the men where the problem, not the outfits.

It is not only decency that is at risk, with some of these revealing styles the wearer is also open to ridicule. DH and I recently were close behind a girl with too tight and too thin bum hugger leggings in a queue for food. We noticed and I said quietly to DH that perhaps someone should tell her you could see everything but some other girls and an older couple were actually laughing and pointing, I felt so sorry for her.

Don't be silly, he has every right to have an opinion on his daughter.

I think you can give an opinion ie. I'm not happy you leaving the house in those as they are revealing and as lovely as you look, men can get the wrong idea.

I completely agree with you

You are not being unreasonable, you need to tell her that there are revolting grown up men that will possibly/ probably wank on the memory of seeing her arse.
It's not her fault, obviously, but that's the reality of our world