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Original poster

To tell you that DH has come up bloody trumps this afternoon?

78 replies

AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit · 10/07/2024 15:46

DH was utterly useless when DD arrived 4.5 years ago and, although he's improved, I've despaired of having a proactive partner.

DD does not sleep. She has surpassed herself this week. Today DH unexpectedly arrived home at lunchtime, announced it was a Daddy daughter afternoon so he was stealing DD and packed me off for a bubble bath with tea and chocolate. He's emptied the dishwasher, tackled the clean washing mountain and wiped down the kitchen sides. Apparently tea is in hand so all I need to do is decide whether to read my book or watch a box set. He's even told DD he needs some special time with her so wants to do bath and story, so I'm off the hook for bedtime too.

I'm genuinely made up. He's nailed it, identified exactly what would help me most and just made it happen!

OP posts:
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PollencaCalling · 10/07/2024 19:32

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:29

I agree too!

Come on MNers, what has the OP done to you that you are so desperate to rain on her parade? 😬

Don't be that woman who always has to put another woman down. 😀

Show quote history

The height of putting another woman down is allowing her to think that her self proclaimed ‘useless’ DH is worthy of praise for doing the bare minimum with regards to parenting.

tuvamoodyson · 10/07/2024 17:58

He had feedback and reflected? Was it an appraisal?

ultracrepidarianna · 10/07/2024 17:40

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:37

Oh dear, still not nice for her to read though, is it? I guess that, criticising her choice of husband and saying that her bar is low is not exactly making her feel great though. Maybe putting her down indirectly? 😋

Show quote history

No, op deserves better. She really does.

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:37

ultracrepidarianna · 10/07/2024 17:29

We’re not. We’re putting her husband down.

Show quote history

Oh dear, still not nice for her to read though, is it? I guess that, criticising her choice of husband and saying that her bar is low is not exactly making her feel great though. Maybe putting her down indirectly? 😋

ultracrepidarianna · 10/07/2024 17:29

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:29

I agree too!

Come on MNers, what has the OP done to you that you are so desperate to rain on her parade? 😬

Don't be that woman who always has to put another woman down. 😀

Show quote history

We’re not. We’re putting her husband down.

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:29

Lifeisamysterytome · 10/07/2024 17:03

I agree with this.
I think it's a real shame OP started the thread because this was a real positive step for her and her DH and all she's getting is a pile on of miserable critical posts .

Show quote history

I agree too!

Come on MNers, what has the OP done to you that you are so desperate to rain on her parade? 😬

Don't be that woman who always has to put another woman down. 😀

Wisterical · 10/07/2024 17:18

It's utterly, desperately pathetic when a partner behaving like a decent human being makes someone so thrilled.

haveacat · 10/07/2024 17:17

AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit · 10/07/2024 15:46

DH was utterly useless when DD arrived 4.5 years ago and, although he's improved, I've despaired of having a proactive partner.

DD does not sleep. She has surpassed herself this week. Today DH unexpectedly arrived home at lunchtime, announced it was a Daddy daughter afternoon so he was stealing DD and packed me off for a bubble bath with tea and chocolate. He's emptied the dishwasher, tackled the clean washing mountain and wiped down the kitchen sides. Apparently tea is in hand so all I need to do is decide whether to read my book or watch a box set. He's even told DD he needs some special time with her so wants to do bath and story, so I'm off the hook for bedtime too.

I'm genuinely made up. He's nailed it, identified exactly what would help me most and just made it happen!

I say this is jest ... has he been swapped with a clone?

What a fantastic husband. I think he is great!

Now to make it a monthly thing. (tee hee)

greenpolarbear · 10/07/2024 17:15

Keep an eye on him, he's either done something wrong and feels guilty, or is about to 😂

Maray1967 · 10/07/2024 17:11

Sounds like he’s left work early/taken half a day off and made an effort - and that is one hell of a lot better than many do.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter what we think - only that OP thinks he’s stepped up well.

samarrange · 10/07/2024 17:11

ReadingSoManyThreads · 10/07/2024 17:01

LTB

I assume you're joking, but when I read the OP, I thought "this will turn into (actual) LTB within 6 pages". Because it always does. It's the MN equivalent of Godwin's Law.

Boltonb · 10/07/2024 17:10

Glad you’re so thrilled and are having a chance to relax. But that’s a depressingly low bar to have set.

I couldn’t tell you how many times my partner has hoovered/washed up, cooked dinner, bathed our toddler, tidied the house, done laundry over the past week or month as it’s all the time. Same for me. We’re a team, and both contribute to making this household run with minimum stress to either of us.

If it was a big production for him to take some of the load, I’d be miserable. Taking an afternoon off work to “help” as a big one off isn’t to be applauded, although clearly it’s better than nothing.

Being present and helpful alongside work and looking after your child should be the minimum acceptable standards for parents/partners surely?

Selfdestructmodeactivated · 10/07/2024 17:09

I love this! Why can't the rest of you just allow the OP her wee moment of joy. Hope you enjoy it OP & it becomes a regular thing 💐

MushMonster · 10/07/2024 17:05

OP, grab that book or film, a cup of tea or choc and stay away from MN. Enjoy your time, hopefully a good sleep too.
No reason why this would not be repeated, as it has been a learning curve, not just one day... but some many people do not read much...

noworklifebalance · 10/07/2024 17:05

GivingYourHeadAWobble · 10/07/2024 16:59

I'm pleased that you're pleased OP, and lets hope it continues.

However, I'd keep your gratitude light and not gushy, otherwise he may get the impression he's done something spectacular, rather than just his share of parenting.

But as you say, it's progress so that's a good thing.

Agree with this

WWHRD · 10/07/2024 17:04

Wow. A low bar indeed. What happened to equality?

Imagine if you had stepped up to parenting to meet the demands at exactly the same level (and no more than) he has for 4.5 years. How well would your child's needs been met in those circumstances?

ShowOfHands · 10/07/2024 17:04

I'd be gutted if it took DH 4.5yrs to manage an afternoon of sole responsibility for our DC. Or if it were so rare, I was online acting like he'd solved world hunger. And I wouldn't be celebrating him wiping down some work surfaces. We both do that while the kettle's boiling. Ditto the dishwasher. And the washing. We both just do these things as and when, not as a performance piece. It's sad that it is remarkable. Hopefully this is a new chapter, rather than a noteworthy departure from the norm.

DH cooks and cleans and contributes 50/50 every day and has done for the 17yrs we've been co-parenting.

ultracrepidarianna · 10/07/2024 17:03

PuddlesPityParty · 10/07/2024 16:58

What a bitter person you are.

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Is your bar so low it’s imprinted in the floor?

Lifeisamysterytome · 10/07/2024 17:03

NewName24 · 10/07/2024 16:58

Ignore the people who struggle to see the positive in anything.

You've been really clear what you are celebrating.

I hope you enjoy the day and hope there are many more to come.

I agree with this.
I think it's a real shame OP started the thread because this was a real positive step for her and her DH and all she's getting is a pile on of miserable critical posts .

PollencaCalling · 10/07/2024 17:01

PuddlesPityParty · 10/07/2024 16:58

What a bitter person you are.

Show quote history

Not bitter, if you think I am you must have horrendously low expectations of a partner. A man should not be getting praise for doing the bare minimum whilst his wife is on her knees with sleep deprivation.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 10/07/2024 17:01

LTB

Maray1967 · 10/07/2024 17:00

pikkumyy77 · 10/07/2024 16:22

Lovely! Especially the way he has structured everything as a joy rather than a duty!

Yes, this! He’s made it special and funny for DD rather than a chore. Good to read.

GivingYourHeadAWobble · 10/07/2024 16:59

I'm pleased that you're pleased OP, and lets hope it continues.

However, I'd keep your gratitude light and not gushy, otherwise he may get the impression he's done something spectacular, rather than just his share of parenting.

But as you say, it's progress so that's a good thing.

PuddlesPityParty · 10/07/2024 16:58

PollencaCalling · 10/07/2024 16:44

He hasn’t ‘come up trumps’ or ‘nailed it’. He’s being a parent, exactly what he signed up to when you had a child together. What’s next OP? A well done prize for cleaning the bathroom? 😵‍💫

What a bitter person you are.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/07/2024 16:58

Wow, this thread has made me feel so sad for you OP and I know that wasn't your attention but it's so depressing that your bar and self worth is set so low. To have such an utterly useless partner and father to your child that the bare minimum makes you so happy is truly awful.

DH has done at least 50% of the childcare and housework since the children arrived (and prior to that) and so he should!! Yes we both appreciate each other but caring for your own home, partner and child should be standard surely.

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