To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

Only 4-5% of elderly people live in nursing homes, actually.

I do have some good friends, but no I don't look upon them as family. They all have children and grandchildren, so I am the odd one out. I do plan to get involved with more people at some stage, and hopefully to develop some sort of support network. I have always been pretty independent however, and hate asking others for help.

@ForGreyKoala Thank you. I am glad to hear you have managed to cope with the situation well. May I ask, do you have a lot of friends who feel like family? That is what I am aiming to build for myself.

Why do you feel angry? Who at? Random strangers? Your own parents?

Such a vague post it's ridiculous!

I'm an only child, with no children, and no partner, and my parents are no longer alive - and I haven't spent decades worrying about old age, and at the age of 65 only give it a passing thought now and again.

There is no point in wasting your life in worrying about it. There are others in the same situation, and always have been, somehow they have coped.

I wasn't aiming for "nice" - however I'm a damn sight nicer than you are!!

Oh yes, absolutely agree with that. It would just be comforting / reassuring to think there was a family member out there somewhere though.

@Strawberriesandpears I'm not an only child but having siblings or nieces or nephews isn't always a guarantee of having company in old age. I'm estranged from my sister and may aswell be an only child, I realize that constantly worrying about old age won't really solve anything though, I may not even get old

It's quite peverse life really, isn't it? None of us ask to be born and then we are handed the worry and hassle of how to cope in old age. I wouldn't have chosen to be born, but I am stuck with it.

As my parents only child, they will at least have me in old age. With no children of my own (or nieces of nephews or course) I am left with nobody, and decades of worrying about it before I get there. Bloody brilliant.

i think most people start off with some sort of plan but then
life gets in the way . I started a private pension at 20. At 28 I bought my first flat and met the love of my life. 9 years later i was dumped 2 months before our wedding, gaslit, given an STI by aforementioned fiance. Since then I've been married, lost money in a divorce, had numerous health issues and unrelenting chronic pain, been a lone parent for 13 years , been made redundant again at the beginning of covid, learned my child has ASD, ADHD, PTSDabd social anxiety. I spend my life fighting schools. authorities , education providers, doctors as well as holding down a really busy job which I've had to cut down hours on as I just couldn't cope. I used a large chunk of my pension to buy a share of a Shared Ownership property as it at least gave us stability. I don't think I could have mitigated these circumstances and most of the pension I had built up is now gone. Plus my child is ND and is unlikely to be able to look after me in my old age. How else should I have planned?

Not sure what the plan is.
In dmums case she has kept hold of her inheritance from her parents and my dad for her "old age". Has done POA for finance and health. Has sold her house and is renting a sheltered flat. However, now she has dementia and doesn't want to accept it or spend any of her money on care or carers. Despite reassuring me over the years that under no circumstances was I to let her be a burden or care for her, that's what the money is for.

Nobody is fine with that of course. However it's a fact of life that many of us will outlive our body's usefulness, all the money in the world can't buy you continence or good skin

As a live in the moment hedonist, I have been smoking and binge drinking for thirty years.

With the retirement age set to rise to 73 or whatever, this now looks like *excellent forward planning.

Speak for yourself. I'm not.

However, I am financially OK. Not everyone is able to amass plenty of financial assets for a secure old age.The idea that you're " angry" at a bunch of people whose circumstances you can't possibly know is deeply irrational.

@OptimismvsRealism when i was in my early 50's i worked in long term care placement in a tiny community (which made it possible to give very bespoke personal care). it was possible to cover all the bases, it took a small team and we had oversight over about 200 seniors and all community members who received home support. some might have found this level of care intrusive but in a tiny community (remote 9000 people) we could do it, two lawyers one notary, all 5 doctors on board and very little bed blocking very little dumping of loved ones at the emergency department (partially because we kept enough respite beds available AND we did lots and lots of early assessments). almost all who were diagnosed with chronic conditions no matter what age, as it was easier to both update files (than to have zero) and have (even if old) contacts vs none.
levels of intervention was discussed regularly and information computerized on file and a copy in the home with a location known by all first responders (top of the fridge btw), dnr's placed on the fridge itself. fab ot and pt who knew of all the grants and all the construction companies for reno's.
none of this happened alone it took years of nurses and ancillary professional staff to make it work.
part of the charm was the isolation and remoteness and knowledge of the extended families and their dynamics.
i don't see how this would be possible in most uk cities.
but will's, tours of care home's, discussions and documenting final wishes needs to be talked about more often so it's less scary for everyone.

I have a plan

I'll kill myself before I'm a burden. I'm being genuine.

At the point I'm relying on my kids or others I won't be here anymore

You’re such a cheery soul!

But you’re not invited to our New Years Eve party ….

ForGreyKoala, well said!

Oh you are now an expert on every country in the world. What a special person you are, far superior to everyone else. Some people actually live in other countries and know a bit more about the system than you do - hard though that might be for you to believe in your little bubble.

What is it about MN that attracts the bitches most unpleasant types in society to hold forth on their wacky ideas.

I’d love to see the government look into encourage house builders to build more small bungalows. All the 70/80s ones near me have been bought up and turned into 2 storey homes because of the big gardens.
in the next town over there’s a whole load of prefab bungalows, well looked after and they get snapped up as soon as they come on the market. Near shops, on a main bus route.
If they were built in well thought out places they could help out a lot of people.

Not everyone who is old is "rotting away", nor do they all lose their mind ffs. You sound like a thoroughly unpleasant person. What does it have to do with you whether people have made plans for their own old age. The clue is in the word "own". Deal with your own old age, and let others do as they wish.

You may well suffer some misfortune before you get old and need to be cared for. I hope you won't expect any form of help from your parents, the ones "who will live longer than they should have" given your callous disregard for them.

Those of us on disability and on a low income don't have the luxury of planning for old age, for some of us it's impossible to think that far ahead when living week to week Is a struggle

this

This.