Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry at how few people make a plan for their own old age

530 replies

OptimismvsRealism · 10/07/2024 14:34

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

OP posts:
SweetFemaleAttitude · 10/07/2024 17:35

YoU JuSt dO yOu hUn.

You sound delightful

They should spend everything they've got while they can enjoy it

Make your bloody mind up.

Melisha · 10/07/2024 17:34

@Tombero that is not true. You are generally expected to pay for carers yourself or at least pay a substantial contribution. The days of free paid home carers visiting is largely over for most people/

Dotto · 10/07/2024 17:34

The state pension is more than I earn so I guess I'll be ok!

Beezknees · 10/07/2024 17:33

Lentilweaver · 10/07/2024 17:25

Don't forget saving for the DCs house deposits as is expected these days!

Show quote history

Expected by who? I don't even own my own home, certainly won't be helping DS buy one.

Adviceneeeeded · 10/07/2024 17:32

There will be no pension age and we will die working, the way things are going anyway!

LittleSinclair · 10/07/2024 17:31

Euthanasia is no laughing matter.

Always look on the bright side of life.

5431go · 10/07/2024 17:31

People just expect the state to take care of them. That’s the UK for you

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 10/07/2024 17:30

It's difficult to plan for what you don't know. Do you need money for carers to come in, go in a care home, or will you be healthy and independent until the day you die?

Tombero · 10/07/2024 17:30

Melisha · 10/07/2024 17:06

@Tombero So my FIL paid for carers from his own money plus attendance allowance. That is normal these days. Not many people have to go into a home paid for the the state. The criteria is so high that it is mainly people with dementia in homes.

I’m not disagreeing with you I think. I should have used the term care package rather than home. I think I used home as my father has just gone into one as a self funder. But, it is no different in cost than a 4 times a day home visit was going to be. So the principal is the same that a lot of people's without funds will need expensive care packages paid for by the state.

Melisha · 10/07/2024 17:29

The median age for women to die is 82 years old. None of my parents and only one of my in laws lived this long. Only the one who lived until 89 needed any paid care. That was carers 4 times a day paid for by attendance allowance and their own income. No one ended up in a care home. Even amongst friends, parents who end up in a care home either have an awful disease that starts much younger, or they have bad dementia and can no longer manage alone.
What is helpful is to have money to pay for cleaners, ready made meals and taxis.
Live your life and enjoy it. I have also seen people save money for a rainy day that never really comes.

99victoria · 10/07/2024 17:28

My parents died aged 72 and 74 respectively. Both taken ill and dead within a week. I'm not wasting precious life making plans for something that may not even happen 🤷‍♀️

adviceneeded1990 · 10/07/2024 17:27

ThatTimeIKnewFamousPeople · 10/07/2024 14:37

What sort of a plan? Most of us try for whatever pension we can manage, aim to have paid off the mortgage, have life insurance, some savings and maybe some funeral insurance, and try to stay relatively healthy. What else do you do?

This! Our aim is to have no debt, a mortgage paid off so a house to leave to our kids, a work pension each and a state pension each. We have life insurance that will pay for funerals. What more can anyone do?

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/07/2024 17:27

funnelfan · 10/07/2024 16:56

Euthanasia is no laughing matter. But before we get to worrying about bumping off our active elderlies before their time, maybe first we could discuss keeping people alive unnecessarily when they have no quality of life.

I mean people with dementia or other brain illnesses, who have no idea who they are or where they are. Fed by care staff tapping their mouths with a spoon to trigger the mouth opening reflex like a baby. Stuffed full of antibiotics for every infection. Keeping the body going long after the brain and soul checked out, like living ghosts. Who are they being kept alive for? Would you want to exist like that? I certainly wouldn’t. Mum used to say not either, so she has a DNAR in place and a sympathetic GP who didn’t disagree with me when I said I thought a good death is part of a good life. DB and I would rather she quietly faded away at home with palliative care for an infection than being kept going for as long as possible but not knowing who we are, dying with no dignity on a busy hospital ward. But for now she hangs on at home, still just about with us mentally, always one virus or fall away from a crisis.

A DNAR only covers resuscitation when the heart has stopped. It doesn't cover not giving antibiotics.

AllTheChaos · 10/07/2024 17:26

I do have a plan for when I start to become unable to care for myself. That plan is a one way trip to dignitas. I would rather just keel over first, but statistically it seems unlikely.

Lentilweaver · 10/07/2024 17:25

Horsesontheloose · 10/07/2024 17:23

Okay, so you save for a house deposit, then save to have kids, then save to send kids to university all while trying to have a life. I think the ideal is to own your own home that is well maintained before the age of 65. After that it depends on your aspirations. Do you need a holiday abroad, fancy car, to eat out frequently? If the answer is no because you have grown used to being frugal then what do you really need? These are the questions you need to ask.

Don't forget saving for the DCs house deposits as is expected these days!

AquaLeader · 10/07/2024 17:24

OptimismvsRealism · 10/07/2024 14:34

We are all going to end up in a bad way unless we're lucky enough to drop down dead unexpectedly

Why do most people live in denial?

So many are already in such a bad way long before retirement that even the meagre state pension comes as a welcome relief. Many in poor health are working minimum wage jobs just to survive.

Isthisrealomgwow · 10/07/2024 17:24

OptimismvsRealism · 10/07/2024 14:53

I don't need their inheritance, I've got a job. They should spend everything they've got while they can enjoy it.

Show quote history

You contradict yourself.

Plan for the future or spend it all while you can?

Horsesontheloose · 10/07/2024 17:23

Okay, so you save for a house deposit, then save to have kids, then save to send kids to university all while trying to have a life. I think the ideal is to own your own home that is well maintained before the age of 65. After that it depends on your aspirations. Do you need a holiday abroad, fancy car, to eat out frequently? If the answer is no because you have grown used to being frugal then what do you really need? These are the questions you need to ask.

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/07/2024 17:22

gmgnts · 10/07/2024 15:24

I am in my 70s and many of my friends are in their 80s. Most of us are doing just fine, living independently in our own homes, still driving around and having a good life. DH and I have insurance provision should we need to have carers/go into a home, but we are comforted by the fact that he proportion of the usual resident population aged 65 years and over living in a care home decreased from 3.2% in 2011 to 2.5% in 2021 - in other words, 97.5% of the population aged 65 and over do NOT live in a care home. I think these are reasonable odds so that I don't have to worry too much. You seem to be very angry and also scaremongering. Old age isn't that bad for the majority of us, you know. I do go to quite a few funerals, but mostly these are for people who have had heart attacks or a short illness and died quickly. I hope that's how I go!

That's the wrong figure to be looking at. It's the lifetime chance of being in care at some stage.

If the average 65 year old lives to 85 and spends the last year in a care home, at any one point only 5% over over 65s would be in a care home.Even though, under those assumptions, the probability of any given 65 year old ending up in a care home is 100%

Getonwitit · 10/07/2024 17:22

Member869894 · 10/07/2024 14:35

Maybe because they can barely make ends meet in the present?

That is true but what about the boom years, how many bothered to save even a £1 a day and how many never gave a seconds thought to the future.
If folk can afford to buy lunch at work every day or a takeaway coffee they can afford to put a £1 a day into savings.
We all make decisions in life and sometimes we prioritise the wrong things.

Lentilweaver · 10/07/2024 17:22

I have it sorted by being Asian. DS will take care of me, or DD....

No, I am joking. They won't. It terrifies me sometimes as the women in my family live till a 100 or 96.

Also worried that I may have to fund DCs house deposits given London rents and that may not leave much for my care.

I8toys · 10/07/2024 17:21

IClaudine · 10/07/2024 17:09

Those places are really expensive though with massive service charges. Not everyone can afford that. My bog standard three bed semi wouldn't buy one, so not sure how I could downsize if and when the time comes?

Plus they are a nightmare for beneficiaries of wills as the charges still have to be paid when the occupants die and the property is waiting to sell.That can take a long time as people are beginning to realise they are a bit of a rip off.

Show quote history

I know we were desperate and at crisis point so we didn't have much choice. We tried to find somewhere in a town they loved near to all amenities. They would not have moved into a care home as FIL is still independent to some extent. Everything relating to elderly care is expensive.

wastingtimeonhere · 10/07/2024 17:20

I have a plan, or is it a dream? ok..so it's a dream, reality is low wage jobs, social housing..minimal pension..The only planning I can do is living in a small council bungalow, we asked for a move from a 3 bed house and got one, work until I can't physically do it anymore.

People can only realistically plan ahead when they have the means. The housing crisis means my DC are unlikely to be even as lucky as me. Great eh!

Luxell934 · 10/07/2024 17:18

I don’t believe you can plan much, anyone of any age could potentially have a stroke/accident tomorrow and need full time care.

I8toys · 10/07/2024 17:17

westisbest1982 · 10/07/2024 17:04

My advice - downsize, keep only the essentials and give your money away as soon as you can to those you love before it gets eaten up with care.

That isn’t necessarily great advice because you can get done for deprivation of assets.

Apologies I agree its tricky and needs to be thought about carefully. There is something called a lifetime trust but again this could be viewed as deprivation of assets. Maybe just spend it all enjoying your life with your friends and family!