Ostracised for staying at private school

I feel for you OP. You were only trying to do the best for your child - unfortunately the way that will be perceived by these women and many others who have posted on this thread is that the state school is "fine for them" but not fine for your child. That is sadly just the way it is. Most friendships at this age are really driven by the parents, so you'll need to make an effort to break down that perception (however small minded is seems) or put the feelers out the new school. Can you try to make friends through local clubs at the weekend? Notwithstanding what school your child goes to, he (and you) are still entitled to be part of the village and the community.

Yes I’m so confused by this situation, a school where reception is mainly made up of 4 or 5 year old international boarders, I’ve never heard of such a thing, why would you even send your child there,

Have you considered that it's not the fact you have sent your child to private school that's the problem but that it's to a private school that has boarders at 5 years old? That isn't sitting well with a lot of PP here, can't imagine it goes down well with parents in a small village with a lovely state school.

Your child's school isn't far from you and you're a SAHP, your best bet for mum friends is to join whatever committees the private school offers or at least volunteer in the local community outside of school related activities. Villages tend to have very tight knit circles.

You just happened to be a few minutes drive from a school that not only offers boarding for 4 or 5 year olds but where the majority of 4 or 5 year olds are boarders. Wow. That’s almost unbelievable.

Yes that’s what I thought. And some of those with be children in specialist placements due to serious disabilities that can’t be accommodated elsewhere.

This is exactly it and I can think of times where I have spontaneously suggested coffee after drop off or even a playdate when walking home from school. Things just happen because of the shared experiences and just being around each other a lot.
I do really feel for you though. I think you can still work on holding onto some of those relationships if you actively invite them round/set up playdates or cafe/pub visits

Do you really want your child at the sort of school that takes boarders of very young children??

Where are you?

Why did you send your kid to this school knowing that the intake at this age was mainly international boarders, what an unusual thing, what school is this, it is shocking what you’re posting.

What else is on in village? Try something else to get involved in village life and make friends. Help at the toddler group, old folks coffee morning. If you are a bit more out there you probably will get more included whereas out of sight out of mind.

Gosh that sounds horrific.
Most schools won’t allow it. If yours does then it must appeal to a certain group.
I know someone sent to board in UK from Hong Kong very young but I didn’t think it happened now.

today I’ve seen a few of the mums all waking round the village together

It's likely that they saw each other at school drop off, and then either arranged something or just stayed together to go for a coffee or whatever. They probably aren't deliberately excluding you, it's just that by circumstance they are all together in the morning, and no one thought to get their phone out to try and arrange for you to come along. If you drop your child at school and someone says "I'm going for a coffee, want to come" it's a faff to then message someone else to see if they want to come as well.

That's how it works in afraid, without saying it out loud your choice implies that the school their children go to isn't good enough for your child, it's very difficult not to take that at least a little bit personally and you've also removed yourself from a shared experience. I think you were a little naive if you thought it wouldn't matter.

Majority boarders in Reception??? Sure.

Boarding at 4/5? That's so heartbreaking and cruel to me.

Happy to be corrected but I don’t know if any prep school which starts boarding before the age of 7 and at last count there were only around 400 7 year olds boarding in the whole country so this all seems a bit odd!

Stats for under 8 boarders are tiny and usually extreme cases like only alternative is foster care.
Obviously school dependent but demographic of lots of private primary schools is 2 working professional parents (to pay the fees and the all in aspect of wrap around and sports suiting busy parents) so that plus commute may limit OP’s opportunities to socialise with mums at her dc’s school.

Oh my god, honestly that breaks my heart
Those little children
Edit: I understand this is not the point of the thread

We went from village primary to private secondary.
I think sometimes with schools its perceived as a criticism of their choices more than anything.
In our case, over the last 7 years 5 of the village kids have moved to our school, most because of the issues we had with the local comp…It’ll become less of an issue the older the kids get too OP. You and DC will make friends at the new school. How old is your DS? Surely not many are boarding full time if you've just left nursery? Boarding starts as occasional nights at 7/8 round here.

😢

Yes considering the ops child will be 4 or 5. I’m also shocked most of them are boarding, I didn’t even know you could board at that age.

They probably want to be friends with the mums of their DCs friend from school. They will have common ground, have play dates with class mates and go to school events together. You chose a non- local private school, your DC will have different friends and won’t be involved in the village school life. This is one of the main reasons we chose our local state school for our DD, we want her to have a local group of school friends.

If you want local friends in a village and you have primary school age DC - the main way to do this is via going to the local school. You are now out of that loop so have to work extra hard to remain relevant to them,

Sorry to sound harsh

I have sympathy for you, as it’s sad to feel excluded when you’d like to be friends.

Unfortunately you have decided that the local school where they send their children isn’t good enough for your son. That’s where their children go - there’s an implication that you think you or your son are “better” somehow.

Add to this that school mum friends have their schools and DC’s events etc in common, I can see why they aren’t inclined to include you. Sorry, I’d feel the same if I’m being honest.