Ostracised for staying at private school

Having local parent friends is something that does tend to come with others who send their children to the same school. My kids go to our village school and I really like that they and I have local friends. If I knew of a child that lived round here that went to a private school I'd feel sorry for them because they are missing out on what is a lovely community. Private schooling is a different world entirely, I went to private school and all but one of my friends were a 30+ min drive away, something I don't think my parents realised would happen! It sounds like your friendships were situational, like someone said above, it's like working with people who you get on with but once you leave you don't have much in common so you don't keep in touch. Only a few friendships last longer than that.

Have him join Village beavers group or similar and try connect that way
Ultimately parent friends tend to be linked to school and they do not always last beyond primary
Or do something for you join a community project choir book group

I've made some of my best friends through having children.

Do you think that all women with kids are false and boring?

Are you sure it's some sort of private school issue? Or do you think they just don't see the friendship lasting now you no longer have that common ground?

Similar thing happened to me when I moved 10 mins down the road to a new school area, no private school or area rivalry issues. I had a lovely group of mum friends, it was nothing personal I'm sure, it's just what happens. Mum friends (much like work friends, hobby friends) are often friendships of convenience/circumstance. It doesn't mean they dislike you or are annoyed at you, they just have assumed the friendship will likely end here.

A couple of my original group of mum friends kept in touch, but these were the ones who I'd really connected with on a personal level and who I suspect will now be long term friends. But the others have totally drifted - no hard feelings, that's just life.

Why has this thread turned into a bashing of women who happen to have children in school. Isn't that the majority of women on mumsnet? Apparently we are boring, cliquey, false and even 'witches'!

School mums can be like that ,they exclude people for all kinds of reasons.
That's just what they do

"School mums" aren't some sort of weird sub-species of human. They're just women who have children at school. They aren't any nastier, or any nicer, than any other random group of people.

Wow, what a horrible way to describe a group of women who also happen to be mums. I have 'school mum friends' and I don't consider us to be false or boring. We chat about our children, our jobs, our hobbies, our hopes and dreams (we're just normal people believe it or not).

Exactly what others have said. Don't take it to heart, you are no longer "handy" which is unfortunately the basis of most mum friendships.

If I went out with reception mums from my kid's school, I'd be surprised to see a parent there from a different school.

Life goes on. I stopped being invited on work nights out when I changed job. I still had friends there that I did see but my old colleagues went out without me.

School mums is a messy game sometimes but excluding a parent because their child does not attend the school is not bullying.

OP don’t rely on your child as a means to make friends. School mum gangs are notoriously false, cliquey and pretty boring tbh.
Find a job, and some hobbies.

Are they bullying? Are they "nasty witches"? Or has she just kind of fallen out of their orbit?

I was friendly with many school mums in primary, since our children moved up to high schools, we just don't hang out. They were what Laura Tremaine calls "daily duty friends", people you see in your day and don't stay in touch with if that ends. It's like work friends. I have loved some of the people I worked with and considered them friends but then after leaving we don't stay in touch. It's normal.

What you're deciding about these women is uncalled for based on what we've seen.

Ds friend went private and the friendship just drifted with the mum. I never saw her anymore, the kids had different friends. It was not nasty but just a natural falling away as we lost the school as common ground.

It’s not bullying at all. It’s just Op isn’t part of the group. It’s same as asking a colleague if you want to grab lunch they are there and you ask it wouldn’t dawn on me to message Janet in accounts who I’m only on nodding terms with too.
The difference with others posting they were fine is they did state primary first and then moved, Op hasn’t.

Nasty witches
School mums can be like that ,they exclude people for all kinds of reasons.
That's just what they do
What a horrible post!

Well I’m nowhere near close to being able to send my children to private school and I’m very much in the lower income bracket, and I think excluding you on the basis that your child has gone to private school is really mean spirited. There’s enough room for you and your child to stay in a friendship group.

One of my DS’s friends is going to private secondary school after primary school, and my Ds is going to the local state school - should I ghost his mum for it? 🤦🏼‍♀️

Have you started making contact with some of the parents at your DS’s school? Has he started making new friendships over the school year?

There are no UK schools which take boarders before the age of 7.

The OP's child isn't boarding. Many boarding schools have day pupils from a young age. Why should the OP be punished for that? It's the parents who choose to send the kids to board so young.

Sure is.

I agree that people take your choosing something else as a criticism of their choices - eg as a veggie you get the same thing - people react as if you are criticising them for eating meat

I can see where they’re coming from. They will have common ground in their kids school, and you aren’t part of that. Maybe good idea to get some work? Private school days are so long, being a SAHM must be boring! It makes me feel a bit sad your child won’t have local connections and friends due to going to the private school. And appalling that 4/5 year old are boarding I didn’t even know that could be allowed.

Your DC is 4 and his classmates are boarding?!

Why on earth would you want your DC at a school that think it is ok to do that? Maybe that's why the other mothers don't want to be friends anymore.

Can you not send him to the village school in September?

Have you stopped inviting his old friends for play dates? Why not invite a couple of them over and see how it goes. You have to be proactive if you want him to have friends in the village. You don't have to be BFs with the other mums, just let things happen gradually.

When you saw the mums walking around the village did you say hello and ask after their children? You may seem a bit stand offish if you just ignore them because you think they have slighted you. Just be friendly and engage, if they don't seem to want to talk just say must dash see you soon and try again another day. It's your DS you want to have friends, if you make friends too that's a bonus.

I'm totally against private schools ,full stop..
But this sounds like bullying to me
They are using the private school as a reason to bully you .
Nasty witches
School mums can be like that ,they exclude people for all kinds of reasons.
That's just what they do
They have shown you who they are
Hopefully you will make some lovely friends at sons school in time

My daughter left the village primary at Easter, she’s starting at local prep in September. Even though she’s no longer part of the class she’s still being invited to the social events. In her case she attends the village youth club that starts at age 4/5, she also goes to a local childminder, which a lot of children in her class use for wrap around and holiday child care.