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To think we’ve got it wrong about gender identity in children

390 replies

Itsmyshadow · 10/07/2024 12:55

I have a 9 year old daughter who doesn’t fit the typical gender stereotype for a girl. She loves football, gaming and Pokémon. From a very young age she’s liked “boys” things, has always gravitated towards friendships with boys, and between the ages of 4 and 7 was quite adamant that she was a boy not a girl.

As her mum I’ve therefore taken a keener interest in gender discussions and what children are told about gender than I otherwise would have. Being completely transparent for this thread, I would very much prefer she remains a girl as her life will be so much more straightforward if that is the case.

As parents we have therefore done everything we can to help her get comfortable in who she is as a girl. We focus on the success of women in sport as much as men, watch lots of women’s football and will be watching the women compete in the olympics and paraolympics and celebrating how well they all do (we will watch the men too). DD now plays for a girl’s football team and boy’s football team (having only previously played for the boys team), and through sport has has met and made friends with girls who are much more like her.

At present she is happily identifying as a girl. I know this is a very fragile status however.

This is why I am so annoyed that in schools, primary schools, children are being taught that people can change their gender. Last year at DD’s school they had a “Pride Day” and invited an external pressure group in to do workshops with the kids, in which they were told sex is “assigned at birth according to what a doctor observes” and were shown pictures of the man presenting in dresses and told people can change their gender. We opted DD out of this workshop, but another child told her afterwards that she was a boy and should change her gender.

Why are we telling school kids this who are too young to understand? I feel this does so much damage to kids like my DD.

Shouldn’t we stop promoting a trans ideology and instead be telling children that they can be whoever they want to be regardless of their biological sex?

I feel so much good could be done by overtly celebrating women’s achievements (including those who have excelled in sport or in the army) both overtly on International Women’s Day and more subtly e.g. setting a passage to read and answer questions on about Rosa Parks or the England Women’s Football team. Same for men, schools could really celebrate the successes of men who do not meet a traditional male stereotype.

If schools really focused on driving home the message that men and women can be whoever they want to be and that their sex does not constrain them, I really feel most of the gender uncertainty in young people would go away, and we could save young people a whole load of mental and potentially physical trauma.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Itsmyshadow · 10/07/2024 13:20

CultOfRamen · 10/07/2024 13:09

Out of interest, who was the external pressure group?

It was a group called Pop and Olly.

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 10/07/2024 13:19

DogCanFly · 10/07/2024 13:03

Gender as a concept should be abolished. It’s nothing but harmful, pigeonholing people based on their personality.

I’m constantly amazed that anyone goes along with it, when it’s blatant sexism.

I mean, why would any dr or teacher give any truck to gender stereotype driven trans statuses?
We’re gaslit to believe that gender is our inner identity, which is bullshit, we are the sex that we are, and beyond that we have personalities and preferences. Girl that has short hair? Cool. Does not make her a boy, and we should view anyone claiming otherwise with huge distrust.

Show me a transed child with no gender stereotyping involved at all. It’ll be a long wait.

I totally agree. I don’t identify as a female; I’m ‘Icanttakethisanymore’ who is Caucasian, has blue eyes and IS female. It’s a description of my physical characteristics. Society has taught people that this mesns I also have to be caring, like creative activities, be submissive etc etc. I also shouldn’t be assertive, enjoy technical subjects, like cars etc etc. we need to remove the expectation that being female means anything at all beyond describing our physical characteristics.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/07/2024 13:19

Back in the late 80s we started bringing up our children to understand that their sex didn't have to dictate their interests, clothing choices and personality and we were making great progress it started earlier than that otherwise I agree with you. I don't know where it wrong - 90s? Early 2000s?

floppybit · 10/07/2024 13:18

Absolutely agree with you OP.

5128gap · 10/07/2024 13:14

'We' haven't got it wrong OP. Other than a vocal minority that have managed to gain a lot of influence where it matters, the rest of us believe exactly as you do. Back in the late 80s we started bringing up our children to understand that their sex didn't have to dictate their interests, clothing choices and personality and we were making great progress. Its been a real shock to me to see the rise in such regressive attitudes and an even bigger one that such nonsense has gained this level of traction. On the plus side, it feels very much that the tide is turning. I know a number of formerly 'trans' teens who cheerfully say they not 'into that anymore'. So hopefully it will go the way of other trends.

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/07/2024 13:12

I voted YANBU but this is hardly a new idea. It was already a thing in the 70s and 80s but somewhere it got lost in a sea of Disney Princess frocks.

CultOfRamen · 10/07/2024 13:09

Itsmyshadow · 10/07/2024 12:55

I have a 9 year old daughter who doesn’t fit the typical gender stereotype for a girl. She loves football, gaming and Pokémon. From a very young age she’s liked “boys” things, has always gravitated towards friendships with boys, and between the ages of 4 and 7 was quite adamant that she was a boy not a girl.

As her mum I’ve therefore taken a keener interest in gender discussions and what children are told about gender than I otherwise would have. Being completely transparent for this thread, I would very much prefer she remains a girl as her life will be so much more straightforward if that is the case.

As parents we have therefore done everything we can to help her get comfortable in who she is as a girl. We focus on the success of women in sport as much as men, watch lots of women’s football and will be watching the women compete in the olympics and paraolympics and celebrating how well they all do (we will watch the men too). DD now plays for a girl’s football team and boy’s football team (having only previously played for the boys team), and through sport has has met and made friends with girls who are much more like her.

At present she is happily identifying as a girl. I know this is a very fragile status however.

This is why I am so annoyed that in schools, primary schools, children are being taught that people can change their gender. Last year at DD’s school they had a “Pride Day” and invited an external pressure group in to do workshops with the kids, in which they were told sex is “assigned at birth according to what a doctor observes” and were shown pictures of the man presenting in dresses and told people can change their gender. We opted DD out of this workshop, but another child told her afterwards that she was a boy and should change her gender.

Why are we telling school kids this who are too young to understand? I feel this does so much damage to kids like my DD.

Shouldn’t we stop promoting a trans ideology and instead be telling children that they can be whoever they want to be regardless of their biological sex?

I feel so much good could be done by overtly celebrating women’s achievements (including those who have excelled in sport or in the army) both overtly on International Women’s Day and more subtly e.g. setting a passage to read and answer questions on about Rosa Parks or the England Women’s Football team. Same for men, schools could really celebrate the successes of men who do not meet a traditional male stereotype.

If schools really focused on driving home the message that men and women can be whoever they want to be and that their sex does not constrain them, I really feel most of the gender uncertainty in young people would go away, and we could save young people a whole load of mental and potentially physical trauma.

Out of interest, who was the external pressure group?

Whatwouldscullydo · 10/07/2024 13:09

Of course we have got it wrong. Many adults still don't know who they are, what they want to be, where they fit into their own lives and yet we want to pin down small children who have only just been able to spell their own names.

We should just leave them alone and stop using them to validate adult lifestyles and choices.

Activities clothes sports interests etc are just those. They should not be thought of as girls or boys specifically Let kids find the ones they like and get on with it.

As with anything these days, would anyone even give a shit if there wasn't social media/camera phones etc and all the validation gained from posting pics and attention seeking. Adults are too needy these days and as a result kids are caught in the crossfire fire.

Pics of " trans" get alot of attention at the moment. Perfect fir the lonely and needy.

LunaNorth · 10/07/2024 13:09

I was reflecting on this yesterday. As a kid I had short hair, wore trousers most of the time, wore DMs, refused to use a handbag, and as I got older I used to nick my dad’s clothes.

I also had anxiety and OCD. I would have been convinced I was trans, and it would have worried me sick.

RoseUnder · 10/07/2024 13:07

I couldn’t agree more with you OP.

I wish your message could reach people in education and others who have influence on children.

Talipesmum · 10/07/2024 13:07

Hard agree. This is exactly what we should be doing (and what a lot of people like you, me, and others on here are doing and pushing for).

blablausername · 10/07/2024 13:04

Yes, and my advice to you is to keep going with what you are doing. It's not easy, but you should try to be as present as you can as a family to accompany her through her pre teen/ younger teen years, so your "voice" isn't completely lost.

DogCanFly · 10/07/2024 13:03

Gender as a concept should be abolished. It’s nothing but harmful, pigeonholing people based on their personality.

I’m constantly amazed that anyone goes along with it, when it’s blatant sexism.

I mean, why would any dr or teacher give any truck to gender stereotype driven trans statuses?
We’re gaslit to believe that gender is our inner identity, which is bullshit, we are the sex that we are, and beyond that we have personalities and preferences. Girl that has short hair? Cool. Does not make her a boy, and we should view anyone claiming otherwise with huge distrust.

Show me a transed child with no gender stereotyping involved at all. It’ll be a long wait.

Kittea · 10/07/2024 13:03

Gender as a whole is nonsensical.

I know zero gender conforming adults.

BettyBooper · 10/07/2024 12:59

Hi OP

I completely agree. I found this article helpful.

x.com/Psychgirl211/status/1808825717204922755