To think that my child daughter can have equally awesome childhood as I did?

I was given a lot of independence as a child and my children are also independent for their age, they also have zero problem performing on a stage and are confident. However, one is autistic and sometimes can't go into school, I don't 'indulge' it, I just understand it's not possible for her some days. For other children, they may not be able to go on stage, may not feel comfortable walking to and from school alone at primary age, or many other things.

We can encourage independence and give age appropriate opportunities but also accept individual differences and comfort levels.

You just wait. My son, who is 8 was brought back home by a pair of old ladies, as he was walking on a path near our home on his own. They came to my door on a Sunday morning, and basically berated me for letting him walk 200meters alone (on a private path with only very few vehicle access, only those with a key can get through) , they told me "anyone from anywhere could be in the path and take him"...he has been wary of walking on his own ever since, he used to do that little walk a couple of times a day for exercise and exploring as it's a lovely nature walk. 😕

When your child is born, your protective instincts may kick in and you may find yourself deviating from your strong ideals. I would go with what feels natural to you.

I grew up with parents who left me to my own devices. I felt unloved. That’s why I have gone the other way with my kids. They know I will always have their back. No regrets so far.

Absolutely the same perspective I have too!

I would have noted you as a troublemaker/ difficult and felt sorry that your parents didn't seem to bother.

I don't think what you've described is anything envious. It sounds like you were awfully neglected and somehow you think this is amazing. At 7, your parents failed to ensure your safety and seemed like they couldn't do with the fuss from you so just left you to do whatever, rather than you thinking that you were some brave and responsible child. Very neglectful imo.

Also...It's SO different now, compared to even 40 yrs ago, never mind further back.

There have always been ''Bad men'' - but statistically they are more likely to be known to the child.

''Tossers'' {Men openly masturbating} as they were known back then were always around, unfortunately.

I think times ARE more dangerous, and my son, now an adult, agrees.
More people, more traffic, many more drugs -even outside Tetbury in a green lane there was drug litter dumped- Heroin and crack cocaine litter where someone had pulled up for a session in their vehicle. {Tyre tracks} and dumped the evidence openly.

How do I know that's what it was?..Worked for a drugs service for a while..

Drug use is absolutely everywhere. Wealthy villages and run down estates.

@oakleaffy I still love exploring derelict places!

I think the only time I was mildly scared was when I was flashed on my own in the middle of nowhere at 13 when we were living in Portugal but I threw a rock at him and he ran away 😅

Sounds like we had similar childhoods!

😂😂😂

I wouldn't be snooty over kids that cry. You have no idea what they are going through/have gone through/how they process emotions. You never know what kind of human being you are going to create. I feel sorry for them already, you sound like you are going to be very disappointed in them if they don't live up to your very high expectations.

It seems you grew up in Lithuania 20-30 years ago.

Do you still leave there?

I am guessing every parent takes into account the environment a child grows up in. It's going to be different all over the world.

Ah yes. Wealth. That helps immensely.

0P, it sounds as if you are going to feel disappointed in your child if she ever cries when she's unhappy, isn't crossing roads on her own as soon as she can walk and isn't going off to the beach on her own and fending off drunks by the time she's 10. Whether or not these things are right or wrong, you will be putting pressure on her to conform to your idealised vision of her. She might not want to do any of those things. She might want to be a quiet, stay at home kind of child. Broaden your mindset and wait and see what she's like when she's actually here. She can still be resilient, independent and happy without being a clone of you. Deciding for her that she is going to join the Scouts (4 plus years away) and the Duke of Edinburgh scheme (teenage years) certainly isn't going to help her be a free spirit. Do her the kindness of getting to know and understand her.

I used to wander freely for many miles, here and abroad as a child- Only once did a man make my senses give me ''warning signs''.... I was en route to explore a dilapidated farm on my own in France, and a German man was sitting on. the side of the road saying ''Hello'' in English.

I wonder if he had followed me- my instincts said ''Do not enter that farm''.... {There were so many abandoned buildings back then}...
I ran like the clappers back to the camp site.
I did go back for an explore later, but felt very creeped out.

Another farm I explored with a French girl was so worm eaten our feet fell through the upper floor

I loved exploring - in one tumbledown derelict place I found an interesting old horse's bit, red with rust.
Still got it, years later! {Pic from when I showed a friend}
It's a Segundo, made by Latchford around 1871

Loved the freedom I had- the old abandoned WW1/2 army camp by Ogbourne St George was good for exploring- albeit creepy- and the old London Docks.

Fairly typical of its time and honestly I don't feel that I was neglected. My mum walked me to my new school in London on the first day - first yr Juniors. Next day, was sent by myself, we had to cross a major road but there was a crossing and a policeman. We played on the local commons and parks unsupervised (5 mins from home) and from about 10 we took buses all over London, such as to the zoo or the V and A. We went to the local pool and skating rink unaccompanied.
Normal.

@oaoakleaffy Thanks for clarifying - exactly what I was hoping for 😆

We met a Doggy Alcoholic the other week.

I was forced to take part in a school concert when I was about that age even though I was so shy (and undiagnosed autistic ) that I was genuinely terrified. I froze up and couldn’t move, literally totally stuck, with everyone looking. my parents then spent the whole evening telling me how awful I was and that everyone thought I was so badly behaved. It’s still one of my most traumatic memories even though I’ve had some awful shit happen in my life. Forcing scared children to take part in nonsense concerts is bad parenting, and how ridiculous to suggest that if we don’t force them then our society will be dysfunctional.

Quite - I mean look what happened to Topsy and Tim, they had to be rescued by a mountain dog. Even the 60s version of their parents were furious.

This is the parenting equivalent of a "cool wife" and there is a similar post on here every week or so. Well done, OP, you are so clearly a better parent than those of us who don't let our small kids go hiking on their own!

@Whatafustercluck bloody hell, imagine if that nice guy hadn't told you about the wanker. Some people are too fucking disgusting. It's just so shit that kids can't just go out and have fun without there being some creepy fucker hanging around. You could just despair sometimes 😒

I agree your parents sound completely neglectful. I have dc in Yr 7 (first year secondary school) their friends often come here after school as their parents aren't at their homes. They love to come here and I often have two or three to feed, and they love telling me their problems etc. We play Uno or on the Switch or they play outside doing something. I've had a few tell me that they love coming here because its their safe place and its fun.
Your children are only young once, molycoddle them a bit. It won't hurt them.

I think times have changed (not saying either era were necessarily better) and it does depend where you lived. I was rural and had my own moped by age 9, and an air rifle. Used to disappear off for the entire day with my same aged cousin (or alone) and dog doing target practice and exploring the countryside, including multiple WW2 bunkers full of rubbish and the occasional dead cow in the area around our farm. No mobile phone or anything. I can't imagine that happening today.

Honestly I'm not sure if my childhood was neglectful but it was pretty happy!

I feel a bit sorry for your baby, having such high expectations set for him/ her before birth! I don't doubt that nurture plays a fundamental role in how children develop, but nature is equally formidable. What will you do if your child is actually very sensitive, in need of extra patience and reassurance, a bit... emotional... by nature? Will you let them cry it out, tell them to pull themselves together, become frustrated/ irritated that they seek your support and guidance too much? Forcibly enrol them in martial arts and competitive pastimes to toughen them up? Compassion is an underrated quality. I hope you have more now, as an adult, than you evidently had as a child avoiding all those cry babies.

I had a fair amount of freedom growing up. I knew the boundaries, but was independent. My parents wanted to know where I was going, who I was going with and what time I'd be home. I was never allowed to aimlessly 'roam' the streets in large groups, and needed to be home by dark. They expected me to be true to my word. That was it. There were no mobile phones and I lived in a city. I played out till dusk, but never too far away. I had an active childhood of sports and cycling and running around, and my neighbourhood was safe and relatively wealthy. But I didn't kid myself that everyone had this. Some of the estates in my city were notorious for being rough, kids were recruited for drug running, men were frequently violent and abusive as a result of alcohol or drugs. Still are, more so in fact. In these circumstances, I completely understand why many parents, who perhaps aren't as privileged, are so protective.

Ds wanted to go fishing a couple of weekends ago. I'd told him I didn't want him going to the river in the city alone, I wanted him to be with a friend, and I wanted me/ dh to be close by, within a few minutes walk (but not suffocating him with our presence). He argued with me, saying "I'll be fine, I'm 13!" But the rules stayed in place. Just as we neared the spot where he wanted us to leave him fishing with his friend, we met a jogger who advised us not to continue down the (busy) path. There was a man masturbating in full view of all the passers by using the path. I used it as an example to ds as to why we established the rules we did.

What I'm saying is that times and locations differ. I agree it's unhealthy to helicopter your kids non stop. But it's equally unhealthy to afford them too much freedom. Most people endeavour to strike a balance. I'm sure you will, too.

In order to give your daughter the childhood you had you'll need to recreate the circumstances. You'll need to find a location as similar as possible, similar levels of traffic, similar expectations, similar culture.

I grew up in 1970's Wiltshire in a small town, my children grew up in 2000's West London, very, very different times & places, just one example being the level of traffic. Of course it was much easier for me at 5 to find a safe place to cross a road than my children.

Sorry, OP, I’m glad you had happy childhood memories, but I think you’re being very naive.