Me or friend

Will the police talk to you about him if you're not the one dating this guy?

Even as a women I wouldn’t do this. Not even for my nieces. I will change them if I’m the adult in change but not if one of their parents is about. It feels like it doesn’t respect their dignity and right to privacy.

You are not over reacting at all, OP. A man you barely know took it upon himself to undress and change your child's nappy on his lap while you were out of the room for a few minutes. I don't care if he has a phobia about nappies that are not spotlessly clean, that is totally crossing a line, and any decent bloke would know that. Your friend is just casting around for excuses and I wouldn't be bothering with her anymore.

Why does it keep being repeated on the thread that the OPs friend asked the bf to change the nappy when the OP posted already to say that the friend didn’t ask ? Weird. Regardless OP you have been well advised by your friend to do the Sarah’s Law request - massive red flag 🚩 and despite the GF’s reaction to you in shooting the messenger there may be other things that come to her mind as being suspect that she wouldn’t have thought before.

Sounds well dodgy op

I think if you were looking after them for the day that conversation would have been had. If not I (personally) would have texted the parent first just to be sure (although the nature of looking after a child all day it would be weird not to have permission).

Behave. OP is within her rights to want to choose who changes her daughter, and some random bloke is totally inappropriate. If you can't see that, perhaps you need to educate yourself.

Completely agree.
It's that off feeling that you have that tells you it's crossed a line.
Regardless of the outcome of your meeting with police, I would keep all your kids away from this household while he is around.
Sorry you've been put through this

The nappy wasn't dirty at all though.

No one should be changing your child's nappy unless you give instruction to do so.

You have done the right thing OP.

@ImNotGivingAwayMyShot 👌

It sounds as if both your friend and her bf were judging you over the length of time between nappy changes (taking this from him telling her it should have been done hours ago), as she was the one who told him it needs changing as soon as you left, and being a parent he's just done it.

HOWEVER it is 100% inappropriate and I would be very uncomfortable if anyone took it upon themselves to change my child. So while I think in this situation it wasn't anything untoward, no one should ever overstep that boundary and it's worrying your friend can't see your point of view.

I would go ahead with the Sarah's law request to be on the safe side in case your friend is covering for him and didn't actually tell him it needed changing, but even if you manage to get your friendship back on track, I would not be trusting her to look after my baby seeing as she clearly doesn't have any safeguarding concerns around people simply because she happens to like them. Not only the baby but your other DC too.

IMHO, it's inappropriate for anyone, male or female, to change a child's nappy unless the parent is asked first. Naturally, there are exceptions for relatives like grandparents, aunties/uncles, etc and very close friends if the nature of the relationship is that it would be OK to do so.

unfortunately some of those exceptions are where abuse does happen, it’s often in the home and from someone known.

Well done for reporting OP.

Very fucking weird behaviour.

I'm fairly chilled and I wouldn't even change a good friend's baby's nappy without checking in with the parent first, unless I was explicitly in charge of looking after them for the day.

Well done @Badassbreastfeeder85 👏

Well done OP.

My sister is 10 years younger than me and if my mum was out my Dad used to pay me to change her nappy😆
Although his defence it was back in the days of terry nappies and he was worried about stabbing her with the pins.
That was his excuse anyway 🤣

Sounds off… why would you want to change a baby’s nappy when there is an option to wait a few mins when the mum will be back? Changing nappies is a pretty gross job, esp when it’s not your child.

Suspect, if you ask me.

Well done op
That's what I would of done

I have two children (grown), I have nieces and nephews and friends children etc and I have never once in all those years changed any nappy other than my own two. You’d have to drag me kicking and screaming to change the nappy of a child that wasn’t mine.

Good for you op. 👍

Ime if it walks like a duck...

Completely weird behaviour. Hiding in plain sight though, isn't he? I would keep well away from her too if that's her reaction.

Good.

OP - I get why you think it's inappropraite and totally agree with you. I think your friend is batshit crazy and has some serious problems with healthy boundaries.

BUT, I would now let this go. IYour friendship with this woman may not recover - she's clearly livid at you for even daring to suggest this was inappropriate, but as I said, that's on her and her poor boundaries, not you. In the meantime, your DD IS fine. You know you won't be leavnig her alone with this friend or her BF ever again (if you do manage to rekindle the friendship) and you are reassured that you are not wrong to have said that you weren't comfortable with it.

I wouldn't put any more thought into it. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about his motivations etc. The key point is that he couldn't do anything to her, and he won't get the opportunity ever again.