When did you start mat leave?

OutCuteBaby567 · 2024-07-10T10:48:49+00:00

I'm due to start mat leave at 38 weeks, C section planned at week 39. But...I'm 32 weeks and absolutely knackered. My job is physically easy, wfh as much as I like (although I hate WFH!!) but mentally very taxing, I'm a solicitor so lots of filings, deadlines, small daily shit that if I miss, I get my clients in trouble for, lots of admin, and *my brain just.does.not.work*. I'm British but live abroad atm, I only get 20 weeks mat leave. I really really wanted to work until week 38 but I can't hack it. AIBU? Suck it up somehow? How? I sleep an average of 2-3 hours per night between itching from cholestatis, pain from PGP, and bathroom trips. The second bathroom trip of the night really wakes me up. Writing this down I don't know how I'm still going.

TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait · 10/07/2024 22:19

@cherish123 apologies I had read it wrong and unnecessarily grumpy towards you.

cherish123 · 10/07/2024 22:07

TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait · 10/07/2024 16:35

How is that helpful?? Fantastic you had a great pregnancy and job you could keep working at. Gold star for you. The OP is struggling and a lot of people have to finish work earlier, it’s doesn’t for one second mean they love their baby less than you or not want to spend time with them. They are protecting that baby by not getting ill or collapsing on the floor.

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OP ASKED herself when people started maternity leave.

MyBigFatGreekSalad · 10/07/2024 17:58

39 weeks but I had a super easy pregnancy.

Second pregnancy was horrific and had I been working at the time would have left much earlier!

1yearplan · 10/07/2024 17:54

I went off 8 weeks with my first baby (I was signed off sick) and 11 weeks with my second because I had no intention of going back to work. My current baby Im just at home. I'm not very brave at working through being uncomfortable.

soscarlet · 10/07/2024 17:50

With my first I went off at 36 1/2 weeks and he was born the following day - I didn’t feel prepared at all! This time round I had a lot of sick leave due to HG but officially stopped at 35 weeks and am still twiddling my thumbs waiting to go into labour at 38 1/2 weeks. I would’ve ended up back on sick leave if I hadn’t had annual leave to use though.

No rush of energy here I’m afraid!

nc14 · 10/07/2024 17:49

With my first I felt fine and made it to the 38 weeks I planned to, then baby was nearly 2 weeks late and I regretted ending work so early.

With my second by 33 weeks I felt like absolute crap, I took a week sickness and ended up in hospital until DC was born 2 weeks later (I didn’t know it when I took the week off but I was really very unwell).

Every experience is different and I think you have to trust your feelings and do whatever is right for you. I’d try to focus on making sure you’re in the best possible shape for when baby arrives as that’s a whole new challenge. If you’re already exhausted and stressed ending work early might be a good idea. There is no shame in it.

Original poster

OutCuteBaby567 · 10/07/2024 17:38

@TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait it's ok, I have asked for opinions. Maybe I need to toughen up a bit. Was hoping someone would say their sleep got magically better towards the end 😄 a rush of energy and adrenaline? Probably not. How can pregnancy make you so tired and so sleep deprived at the same time??!!!

I am worried about my stress levels right now. But also my career, and also money and.also time with baby.

Hands up I had never really understood the struggle of motherhood and career before (and baby's not even here yet!)

OP posts:

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 10/07/2024 16:39

No one should even query it if you go early. Many women have to for medical reasons, or choose to.

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 10/07/2024 16:38

OutCuteBaby567 · 10/07/2024 16:37

@Pippa12 sorry my OP is not clear at all, I don't mean go off on mat leave now, I'm thinking more like 36 weeks?

Because of the short mat leave, every woman in my office works until the day they drop but I feel like such a weakling to consider going early. Everyone was surprised I even planned to go at 38, not 39 weeks....

Work have made plenty of adjustments but they can't take away the stress / job itself. You do need to be mentally "with it", otherwise stuff goes wrong. My workload has already been eased. I'm just a zombie and I can’t see how I can keep doing this until 38 weeks.

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Ah don't be silly you're not a weakling. Take it off as soon as you want to. It's your right and maybe you'll be the "trailblazer" for those after you. Every pregnancy and every woman is different

Original poster

OutCuteBaby567 · 10/07/2024 16:37

Pippa12 · 10/07/2024 15:51

36 weeks with both, I was a staff nurse at the time and bloody exhausted on my feet for 12/14 hours a day.

It’s tough tho, 20 weeks isn’t very long for maternity leave? I’d be concerned going off now will only leave you 12 weeks maternity leave- baby unlikely to be sleeping through before your due back at work?

Maybe work could make some reasonable adjustments? In all honestly if I WFH I’d be pushing through abit longer in view of your leave.

@Pippa12 sorry my OP is not clear at all, I don't mean go off on mat leave now, I'm thinking more like 36 weeks?

Because of the short mat leave, every woman in my office works until the day they drop but I feel like such a weakling to consider going early. Everyone was surprised I even planned to go at 38, not 39 weeks....

Work have made plenty of adjustments but they can't take away the stress / job itself. You do need to be mentally "with it", otherwise stuff goes wrong. My workload has already been eased. I'm just a zombie and I can’t see how I can keep doing this until 38 weeks.

OP posts:

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 10/07/2024 16:36

TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait · 10/07/2024 16:35

How is that helpful?? Fantastic you had a great pregnancy and job you could keep working at. Gold star for you. The OP is struggling and a lot of people have to finish work earlier, it’s doesn’t for one second mean they love their baby less than you or not want to spend time with them. They are protecting that baby by not getting ill or collapsing on the floor.

Show quote history

OP asked when people took theirs.

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 10/07/2024 16:36

The day my c section was scheduled

TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait · 10/07/2024 16:35

cherish123 · 10/07/2024 15:39

I worked up to 40 weeks as I wanted as long as possible with DC.

How is that helpful?? Fantastic you had a great pregnancy and job you could keep working at. Gold star for you. The OP is struggling and a lot of people have to finish work earlier, it’s doesn’t for one second mean they love their baby less than you or not want to spend time with them. They are protecting that baby by not getting ill or collapsing on the floor.

LibertyDuck · 10/07/2024 15:58

JC89 · 10/07/2024 12:06

@TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait In England it's 36 weeks when maternity leave is triggered, but might be different where OP is.

I assume you mean the UK here not England. Maternity leave laws are not any different in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland.

Pippa12 · 10/07/2024 15:51

36 weeks with both, I was a staff nurse at the time and bloody exhausted on my feet for 12/14 hours a day.

It’s tough tho, 20 weeks isn’t very long for maternity leave? I’d be concerned going off now will only leave you 12 weeks maternity leave- baby unlikely to be sleeping through before your due back at work?

Maybe work could make some reasonable adjustments? In all honestly if I WFH I’d be pushing through abit longer in view of your leave.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 10/07/2024 15:42

I stopped work 4 weeks before due date. Went back 10 weeks after the birth.

Only got 14 weeks maternity leave back in the 1990s.

DoAClassicCamel · 10/07/2024 15:39

DC1 I was working FT and finished 8 weeks before.
DC2 I was working a 2 day week (14 hrs) and finished 4 weeks before.
No health concerns just wanted to chill in the build up to the baby each time.

cherish123 · 10/07/2024 15:39

I worked up to 40 weeks as I wanted as long as possible with DC.

SparkyBlue · 10/07/2024 15:36

Honestly I found pregnancy really tough. I felt physically far better when I had the baby. Take sick time if you can and look after yourself and prioritise your health. I was being all worried about work on my first pregnancy until my blood pressure went crazy and I was admitted to hospital. Work coped as they had no other choice.

Original poster

OutCuteBaby567 · 10/07/2024 12:56

@AreYouBrandNew I have to find cover for about 30-40 ongoing projects/clients so it's a slow process as I have to go round calling favours from other associates and the management is zero help. My firm is horrific (nice people, good work, incompetent management), I was about to hand in my notice when I found out I was pregnant!

I am getting help with PGP and cholestatis but, as everyone knows, there are no "fixes". Yes, it alleviates the worst of the discomfort but it doesn't remove it. So still no sleep.

OP posts:

MujeresLibres · 10/07/2024 12:55

I think I finished at 36 weeks, expecting a planned c-section at 38 weeks. It was a good thing I did, because we needed to get a few things ready for baby and my section was moved forward to 37 weeks. I have 2 chronic illnesses and I was absolutely knackered.

AreYouBrandNew · 10/07/2024 12:33

Who are you handing work over to? By this stage I’d be handing work over so you are prepared for any eventuality.
are you getting any help with PGP? Worth trying to manage your pregnancy symptoms even for your own mental and physical well being

Original poster

OutCuteBaby567 · 10/07/2024 12:30

JC89 · 10/07/2024 11:55

If you're finding work difficult for medical reasons (e.g. the PGP) can you take some sick leave? I would delay mat leave as long as you can do you get longer with baby!

@JC89 I can take sick leave and I have taken a couple but problem is no one covers my work. So if I take off today sick, I have to work a 14 hour day tomorrow to make up for it, and the work is now urgent because it's a day late. And I can’t physically work 14 hours anymore, I just can't.

OP posts:

GoingOnABeachHunt · 10/07/2024 12:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

JC89 · 10/07/2024 12:06

@TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait In England it's 36 weeks when maternity leave is triggered, but might be different where OP is.