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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keep baby (12 months) in nursery when she’s unhappy?

39 replies

dandelionwatch · 10/07/2024 08:54

Obviously have no desire to make her unhappy Sad but I don’t really know what other options I have.

DD started nursery 3 weeks ago for three days a week. She’s been very unhappy and unsettled: lots of tears at drop off and clinging to me, refusing to eat when she’s there and not taking much milk. Sleep has been erratic and she’s either barely slept or slept for hours and hours. She also cries when I pick her up. I’m a teacher so I don’t give her long days: she’s dropped off at just after 8 and I collect her just before 4.

Leaving work probably isn’t affordable and even if I did the earliest I could leave is Christmas.

I know that people often suggest a childminder but I’m not sure any even have space. Also, I have an older child who is happy and settled at the nursery and two drop offs and pick ups would be tricky to manage (DH can’t help with this; it all falls on me.) But also I am concerned about reliability and I don’t know DH would go for this for this reason. And there’s no guarantee at all she’d settle any better with a childminder.

I really don’t know what to do Sad

OP posts:
DAZZlanch · 13/07/2024 21:12

Honestly, she’ll be fine. And if you don’t do it now, you’ll have to do it when she goes to school. Is she crying all day? Or just at drop off/pick up? My son still (aged 10) has a weep at drop off but has the best time at school. He just finds the separation part hard. The rest he’s good with. If she’s still crying in three months, maybe reassess. For now, it’s normal. Xx

Xmasdaft2023 · 13/07/2024 21:12

Keep going, she will get used to it! It’ll just change one day ☺️

Original poster
dandelionwatch · 10/07/2024 09:22

@Caffeineneedednow - yes, I do think that’s hard in a way as it’s one thing leaving her crying when I have to come to work but when I don’t have to it will be really difficult but I’ll have to! Otherwise it will be devastating in September.

OP posts:
Original poster
dandelionwatch · 10/07/2024 09:20

Thanks for the reassurance. I just feel awful giving her to the staff and leaving her wailing Sad

She is a sociable baby and has been going to baby and toddler groups since being a newborn really (older brother!) and she seems to enjoy being around and watching other children so I don’t think it’s the big group that’s a problem. Plus, the baby room isn’t overly busy.

OP posts:
Caffeineneedednow · 10/07/2024 09:16

My eldest ( a covid baby) took quite a while to settle a good 2 months but once he did he loved his nursery and we're actually sad to see him leave it this year when he moves onto school.

If you are happy with the nursery, which I guess you are by your comments about your older child, then I would leave them a bit longer. If your a teacher I would caution against taking them out over the summer as it will mean there almost starting afresh in September. We had this issue with a 2 week Christmas break 6 weeks after he started and we ended up almost back at square 1 after the break.

wiggleweggle · 10/07/2024 09:16

What PP's have said. She will adapt. She is also at a clingy stage where she is very aware of who her significant adults are. It's rough but as long as her needs are met and she is cared for, it will all be ok in the end

Whereland · 10/07/2024 09:14

Oh it's so difficult I remember the awful feelings of guilt. My first boy took a full 3 weeks to stop crying and clinging to me at drop off. After that it did get a lot better. Still a little resistance at drop off but nowhere near as much and he grew to love it there

Startrekobsessed · 10/07/2024 09:12

It took my eldest 6-8 weeks to settle, he was sometimes crying so much and clinging they’d need to prise him from my arms, I cried most days after drop off.

we persevered and he settled fine, now a well adjusted 6 year old and I still have my job. One day this will also be a distant memory for you too, you’re doing great

JuiceBoxJuggler · 10/07/2024 09:12

It took my little one around 2 months to fully settle. She couldn't be happier now.

Keep at it - she'll love it eventually. And, if not, revisit the situation in a month or so. She's also 3 days a week, for 3 weeks - that's 9 days - not enough time for a baby to adjust.

Thetroutofnocraic1 · 10/07/2024 09:11

This is very difficult and upsetting for you. I think it is reassuring that you have an older child at the same place who is happy and settled there. I would certainly suggest speaking with the nursery staff about your concerns and see if there is anything they can suggest to help her settle in.

Bearbookagainandagain · 10/07/2024 09:11

I would give it more time, it's very normal at that age to have strong attachment to a parent and 3 weeks is still very early to tell. I would give it at least a couple of months to tell whether she will settle or not.

Whether a childminder would be better or not is more about whether she is comfortable in a large group or not. The fear of separation would be the same with a childminder.

InTheRainOnATrain · 10/07/2024 09:11

It’s only been 3 weeks and she only goes 3 days per week! That’s only 9 days total. It just needs more time.

Overthebow · 10/07/2024 09:09

It’s only been 3 weeks, give it time, she’ll likely settle eventually. As you said you do have to work and there’s no guarantees she’d settle any better elsewhere so I’d persevere with this nursery for now.

Tumbleweed101 · 10/07/2024 09:05

It can take a few weeks for them to settle and three weeks is still early days. Once she's settled with staff and the environment it'll get easier. Even babies that are very settled will cry at drop off and pick up.

Chat to the staff and see how she is through the day. Her sleep pattern will be different at nursery. It is noisy and busy and stimulating but most develop a nursery sleep routine after a few weeks.