To keep baby (12 months) in nursery when she’s unhappy?

She’s only done 12 sessions. My son started in January and had to do half days for a month because he would just scream. He absolutely loves going now and asks me everyday if it’s nursery.

Three weeks is no time at all. Both my children took months and months to settle at nursery and both ended up loving it!

I did do a CM for this reason - also a teacher. Baby is little and they will eventually settle. 3 weeks isn’t long. You know this story time and time again with your pupil. You’ve got this. Baby will be fine. ❤️

My baby was the same, 12 months old screaming at drop off and pick up, refusing milk, barely eating solid foods, I was very very close to taking her out. Now at 18 months she’s constantly saying her key workers name, nods her head yes when I say “are you excited to go to nursery”, or “are you gonna have fun with your friends”. Nodding when I ask her “did you have fun today”. No more tears at drop offs, they do loads of outdoor and messy play which she loves. I’m glad I stuck with it because she was such a shy girl before, she used to cling to me at baby groups and cry if I tried to put her down to play, she’s come on so much and so sociable now

It will get better i promise. Just give it some time. If you can afford/ you work allows could you have half/shorter days? I found that really helped with my daughter setting in.

Grit your teeth and continue, your child will get used to it. It’s really tough ( I have been there), but it does get better I promise

DH should do at least a drop off/ or pick up!

otherwise kiddo will settle. If older child can attest they are safe and not abused then you are doing good.

Personally I would wait 3 months before making any decision. It does eventually get better. Some children take longer than others.

My eldest took 6 months to settle at nursery and youngest 3 months. Eldest refused to nap for weeks and my youngest dropped daytime bottles and refused to eat for weeks. Eventually they found their own pattern. Eldest took longer as he was part time for 2 months to begin with. Youngest went straight to full time after the first week.

Review it in 3 months, it might be the wrong setting but far too early to say. Wait and see.

If you are happy with the nursery then I wouldn’t make any rash decisions yet.

Took my girl about six or seven weeks to settle properly. She was also just shy of 12 months so keep in mind that it’s often peak separation anxiety time for them. Once she realised the nursery people were very nice and we always came to get her at the end of the day she settled in really well, but it was slow going as she is a very sensitive one. I think she got through the worst of the separation anxiety period and then was okay. It sort of happened overnight like most developmental leaps. One week she cried at handover, the next she was reaching out for her key worker and going quite happily. She even started to look really p*ed off if I went to collect her early and ruined her playtime 🤣
Sympathies though. It’s really hard. If you are happy with the nursery give it a bit more time, she’s likely to get there. I do understand how hard it is when you do your best to listen to your instincts and respond to your baby’s needs but then society/finances says “times up, get back to work” just when you’ve built a strong bond and they are finding separation challenging.

Personally, didn't put either of my children in nurseries for various reasons.
However a close friend had a boy, then a girl - boy was fine in his nursery (PT) but it didn't suit little girl. She went to a child minder and was really happy.
Good to hear she isn't doing really long days but she's clearly unhappy and it's affecting her in lots of ways.
Think about/explore other options, for peace of mind if nothing else. She may settle, but she might not.

I work in a nursery and based in a baby room, I’m sorry you are feeling like this, it so hard to leave your little one especially when they are sad and struggling to settle in, you do question are you doing the right thing. It can take some children a few weeks to settle in, have a chat with the nursery be open with them on how you are feeling, I encourage this in my setting as I think its important for everyone to be open and honest, we also use online journals so we can update this throughout the day with all the little things a child has done, upload photos this will help reassure you throughout the day ….. I do promise it will get easier

My eldest settled really fast but my youngest was hysterical. I ended up pushing my start date at work 10 weeks. It took so long despite starting really slow with a couple of hours. Honestly she wasn't ready, when I had to go back she seemed fine and I'm glad I had the chance to go from half days to short days.

Speaking of which 8-4 is actually a really long time. I'm exhausted at work by 4 and I start at 9. We've normalised really long days and wrap around care but for most of us being around others is exhausting. If your DH isn't willing to help with drop offs you've no choice but we alternated starting and finishing late so my girls can do 10-4 and often 2 hours of that is spent napping.

3 weeks is nothing it can take months for them to be totally happy. When dropping off your baby do it quickly to minimise distress. And be aware after settling some children can regress for a short period of time. Stick it out you will get there. I have settled hundreds of children and only 1 child actually never settled at all. Good luck

My DD went to nursery at 7 months and it took about 2 months from the “settling in” sessions for her to be generally happy during the day, her eating and naps evolved more slowly and regressed occasionally but not to a point where I worried. Even now, almost a year later, she can be emotional occasionally at drop off but goes on to have a great day and she has a good bond with the staff too. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s very likely things will settle and she has started at a period where separation anxiety is a thing so it might take a little longer for things to settle down.

It’s still early days, it can take a few months to settle in. My baby was younger when she started (9 months), the first few weeks were horrible with crying at drop off and pick up but it got better after a few weeks and she’s now really happy there, eats really well when she’s there.
Apart from not eating a lot, have the staff said how she is during the day? Is she unsettled the whole time or happy some of it?
Give it time, it’s really hard but she’ll get there.

3 weeks????? Seriously OP? Babies aren’t little robots that adapt at the drop of a hat. Have you ever started a new job/moved house/ undergone any significant life change and been hunky dory from day 1? Babies have zero reasoning. They need TIME and a bit of patience.

I was awful at nursery in wasnthenonly one who cried and tantrumed. For months! Super introverted and shy child, still am. Took my DM ages to get me "settled". Not forgotten and very traumatised and had a massive impact on me. Nursery is not for everyone. My 2 older DB were fine.

My Ds who is now almost 20 was inconsolable when he started at 12 months old, 5 days per week. It took over 3wks for him to settle then one day I collected him and his note said he had been the happiest baby there. I cried! Since that day he always loved nursery; he loved school and he now loves Uni. It was a big adjustment and so hard for me knowing he was so unhappy but it soon turned around.

Give it time it is an upheaval in her life and yours You can’t base it on previous give her time

Took DS at least two months of tears, but now he absolutely loves it. Would rather be at nursery than at home I think.

Our 15 month old at the time took about 6 weeks to settle, he was getting sent home constantly because of spiking a high temp when I think he’d just worked himself up most of the time.
Give it a few months?

Is it a good nursery? Were you happy when you visited?

My DS was the same and I had the same thoughts as you. He was upset at every drop off for weeks. And every time he’s had a room change the upset has started again.

I almost pulled him out but stick with it and I’m so glad I did. They are the most wonderful, supportive nursery and he absolutely loves it there now. I am heartbroken he is leaving them to go to school in September, as will he be. It’s tough, really tough but you have to work and as long as you’re sure they’re being well looked after and settling after you’ve gone, I wouldn’t worry.

My second has started now and weirdly hasn’t been upset at all, but on the other hand I’ve been so much more relaxed dropping him off as I fully trust that he’ll be looked after and that if he ever did get super upset they’d let me know.

Which days? If she has a long break between days e.g. she doesn't go Friday or Monday so has four days away from nursery, then this might cause problems with getting used to it.