What's your secret, selfish fantasy life?

In my secret dark soul, I think of a sceanrio where my money is not constantly wrapped up in taking care of everyone else, where I am not needed day to day so much and I am free to bugger off on UK breaks 4-5 weeks a year. Just me, alone in various beauty spots and a car loaded with walking gear and good food.

One day I guess the financial and social responsibilities will be gone - I just hope I am not too old myself by then.

Ooooh good shout! I'd be forever 28 as well and also have romances with rock stars 😂

No, she’s certainly not unhappy, but genuinely, I think, contented. In fact the one thing I envy her is her solid, sane groundedness. She’s the one person I know for whom ‘self-care’ is visibly a thread that runs through her entire life, rather than being occasional bouts of mindfulness/ breathing, and has visible results. Her life suits her, and I have no doubt she will change it if that stops being the case.

I just mean what I said. That of the people I know who also know her, I don’t think any would consider her life in any way particularly enviable, yet she’s living on a day to day basis many of the key elements from the fantasies posters have described — solitary, minimalist, tiny seaside house shared only with a pet, very part-time yoga teaching job done chiefly from home, grows her own food, bakes her own bread, lots of swimming and walking, few external demands on her time etc. Yet lots of friends and social activities she engages with when she wants.

She chose this life and made it happen. Why have the many posters who describe something like this as their fantasy not made it happen for them? Were they trapped in family lives by the societal expectation that it’s the norm to marry and have children, when in fact their fantasy lives would have suited them better? Do people only have these solitary beach house dream lives be cause they have spouses and children? Because I don’t see women queueing up to actually do what my friend has done.

I occasionally spend quite a lot of time on Right Move looking at 2 bed cottages with gardens and views for me and a cat. I like my house with my husband ... but sometimes I look back at my single life and think....that was nice.

I would live in a caravan travelling permanently around Australia. Rent out my current house to provide an income and just explore. It would take me years to see everything I want to see and plenty of people to meet on the way to keep me company.

My fantasy life actually differs from most of the ones on here! Mine is a lovely flat in London, I have a high flying corporate job and go out to restaurants, theatre and events on the weekends.

I think having grown up in Devon and living in the country now my fantasy life is the opposite - lots of buzz and fun!

@Subfusc I actually have a good friend whose life resembles some of the recurring elements in some fantasies on this thread . She’s single and childfree in her 50s, lives alone with her dog in a tiny house on the coast, teaches yoga, goes sea swimming daily, spends a lot of time dog walking in beautiful woods, makes her own bread, gardens and has excellent friendships, and is genuinely content. But the reason I mention her is that people I know who know her certainly don’t consider her to be living an enviable fantasy life.

I'm curious to know what you mean here. Do you mean she seems unhappy, or is it more that they perceive she'd be happier with a partner/children/more going on?

I’d live on a big farm somewhere hot and sunny, near a beach. I would have donkeys, goats and chickens and a cat sanctuary.

Mind you, Yeats wouldn’t have lasted an hour on Inisfree!

Yes, it’s sad but not surprising that so many women’s fantasies have solitude as a central component. I’m wondering whether this is as a reaction against the experience of family life, as, obviously, remaining single and childfree will have been an option for these posters — as in, that particular aspect of their fantasy was achievable, if not the Scandi chic beach cottages.

I actually have a good friend whose life resembles some of the recurring elements in some fantasies on this thread . She’s single and childfree in her 50s, lives alone with her dog in a tiny house on the coast, teaches yoga, goes sea swimming daily, spends a lot of time dog walking in beautiful woods, makes her own bread, gardens and has excellent friendships, and is genuinely content. But the reason I mention her is that people I know who know her certainly don’t consider her to be living an enviable fantasy life.

Nine bean rows would I have there and a hive for the honey bee.....

Mine involves a Arts and Crafts house in the Shropshire hills and lots and lots of antiques. I of course would look like my optimal self and drift around in remarkably crease free linen (replaced by quirky yet flattering velvets in the winter) while making frequent forays out to source more of the said antiques, visit galleries and museums and go to concerts. Oh and optimal self will have flowing pre Raphaelite curls, artlessly secured by a silver comb.

As I would be absolutely stinking rich, I'll also have a Huguenot weavers house in Spitalfields for the London life. With a roof garden.

I know I don't want much 😂but as it's a fantasy, I'm making the most of it!

I want to live in rural Scotland, the Shetlands or somewhere by the coast. I would have a small cottage, my cats and huge fire to read by. I often search for houses and dream about it!

I'm perpetually 28, live in an amazing apartment in Berlin and have a job in the music / arts industry. I spend my life smoking, drinking German beer and going to gigs. I rent my spare room to touring bands and occasionally have a fling with a gorgeous but arrogant musician.

You have more or less described my life, except that I don't do football or dogs.

I have learnt from this thread that women and mums need more down time! There's a common theme in these fantasy lives!

My fantasy life is so similar to so many that have been mentioned here!

I’d live in a small cottage overlooking the sea, with wooden floors, vintage furniture, and white linen sheets. A little well-behaved dog would always be at my heels. We wouldn’t have to worry about money so we’d potter around the cottage garden, hanging fairy lights outside, and tending to the roses. We’d spend our free time doing long walks on the beach and cliffs, going to farmers markets and dusty old book shops, and I might even have a part-time job in a vintage clothes shop, with my dog snoozing on an old armchair behind the counter with me.
When the weather gets too miserable I’d take my dog over to my villa in Ibiza where I would waft around in a silk kaftan and swim in the sea at every opportunity.
I wouldn’t have any physical or mental health problems and I’d have a lover or two.

I’d just like a secret room behind a bookcase in this house, that I could escape to as and when I want a bit of solitude. Maybe a small spa in there too, sauna and plunge pool. Nothing excessive…
Soon be September and they’ll be back at school!

Anybody want to come and live with me here....
https://www.knightfrank.com/properties/residential/for-sale/cannes-alpes-maritimes-provence-alpes-cote-d-azur-france/rsi120081

I would like a roomy, detached house with four main bedrooms: one for each member of the family. We would all live happily together. My eldest son would just be finishing his PhD in his special interest. He would have a group of friends, and they would frequently come round to the house. My youngest son would be working in his area of speciality, and would also have fun loving, dynamic friends. My husband would have his own, adapted room, and I would be able to support him.

I would have a cat-friendly bedroom where I could also work. Work would be fulfilling, but not stressful. There would be a large kitchen, and I would be able to indulge in my (latent) hobby of baking.

I would have a few really close friends around, and my husband and I would go out together once a week.

It seems dull, perhaps 'normal', but it is so far removed from my present reality that I often slip into this fantasy for respite.

I have read a number of posts in which people fantasise about having a life a little more free from the demands of their family. My fantasy is that my family are well enough for us to live together, and for all members to function in society.

That my ex fucks off and my dog lives forever.

Sailing would be my ideal life. A small yacht, like the one I crewed on and learned to sail when I was younger. I would cruise the East Coast. Cope with all weathers.
Perhaps I would be 29 and it would be 1935 so I could meet the Sailing Barge skippers.

My fantasy is to not have the severe fatiguing condition that has blighted most of my adult life. To be able to travel a bit, go for long walks alone or with my partner/best friend, do my own gardening and house upkeep, make my house beautiful, have one or 2 fairly active hobbies, be active in one or 2 community things, and spend a lot of time by the sea.

A cottage on an island or by a lake in a nordic country, with plenty of land to grow veg and fruit and a pier and boat for fishing. A sauna and some outbuildings that my family could come and stay in in the summer. Lots of dogs to walk and books to read.