What's your secret, selfish fantasy life?

Do people only have these solitary beach house dream lives be cause they have spouses and children?

Yes, I expect so! That life would certainly not have appealed to me in my 20s. I think many people appreciate solitude and feel less need to be surrounded by people in middle age.

Having enough money so that my husband and I would not have to work 🤣 or even do just a little of an enjoyable job, and just enjoy our house and our kids. This 40 hour a week just doesn't allow to do much. I would settle for a job that gives me the same amount of holidays as my kids have....

I’d live in a little cottage in Snowdonia, that I’d fill with old wooden furniture, books, and cosy things. I’d spend my days walking in the mountains, gardening, making things, playing musical instruments, cooking nice food, napping. I’d magically have enough money without having to work. It’s interesting how many of us crave similar things, a simpler, less busy lifestyle, but here we are stressed and overworked and hooked on social media.

I would come home from work to a hug rather than a telling-off. I would be good enough. @DiscontentedPigThis is so sad, as a previous poster has said, I hope you can change your circumstances to achieve this immediately 💐

I don't spend much time fantasing about a different life any more, I definitely used to but divorce cured that nicely.

However, I wouldn't be too upset if I was based in the inland Bali of about 30 years ago, in a beautiful hardwood open plan house with lots of wafty white linen curtains and palms and water features with a view of the rice fields. My OH would be based with me about 50% of the time, he would also spend lots of time in Scandinavia. My kids would be set up wherever they were happy, mostly BC Canada, and Greek islands, and have jobs that allowed them to frequently work remotely from my house which they would do.

I'd have lots of disposable income that magically appeared in my bank account which enabled me to travel all over the world and come and go as I please. I would also run retreats for stressed out mothers, they would stay in the bungalow in the garden, and the staff would include massage therapists, cleaners, chef, housekeeper and gardnener and a very hot great company man who looked after the infinity pool that my OH was absolutley fine with me shagging when the fancy took me.

I would ride into town on my motorbike every evening or pick up one of the kids from the airport, and meet interesting well travelled friends and acquaintances for cocktails or have people over for dinner. Then I would sleep like a baby and do it all again. That would definitely do.

I’d love to have a beautiful period flat or small townhouse in London, and work enough at my craft business to pay my bills but not so many hours that I don’t have leisure time. To be able to eat out once a week, and to sometimes have fresh croissants breakfast in a little local bakery or coffee place, and to be able to go to the theatre a couple of times a month to see a ballet, musical or a play. To have a small group of friends who I can spend time with, and adult children who actually want to spend time with me rather than months at a time going by without a text or a call. More than anything my dream would not to be lonely like I am currently.

I am so so lucky in that I live alone in a lovely little cottage with my dog, work (mostly) at my dream job as an author and have enough money (with a day job) to get by. I please myself, have a fabulous time and all is good.

However... I also have a fantasy life where I can travel whenever I want and call it research (the dog restricts my ability to down tools and head off for the weekend), possibly in a campervan, which I park on the top of cliffs and enjoy the beauty of the natural world around me whilst cooking outdoors and sitting round a campfire with the wind in my hair being 'creative'.

In reality I prefer to write in my bed and eat ready meals whilst getting much of my research done on Google. But 'image' me is far more 'authorly' than real me.

I'd be living in a villa with a swimming pool in spain or greece, fairly close to a marina or beach where I could take my yacht out whenever I fancy it. It would not be too touristy, there would be one or two lovely restaurants, and relaxed cocktail bars. In the evenings I could sit outside and have lovely food overlooking my lit up swimming pool. Sounds of the cicadas would be surrounding me and I could lie on my sun lounger looking up at the clear night sky.

In the winter I would go to a semi remote english cottage with a roaring fire, comfiest sofa and books. I would get hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows from the local cafe in the small market town nearby, along with my groceries after a brief period of socialising in the country pub where I would have just had the most gorgeous roast dinner.

None of this involves working in any form, any relationships, or any children. Take me there

I'd live on my own in one of the beautiful apartment buildings near the Tate Modern, working in the City but senior enough that I'd be winding down my working hours etc / doing lots of consultancy type work. Lots of international travel with friends. Not much cooking, instead eating out here there and everywhere. On weekends in London I'd wake up late and wander down to Paul or Gail's with a good book for a few hours. Maybe I'd have an allotment nearby (I imagine allotments are thin on the ground in Zone 1?).

My reality is basically the opposite: left City work young, married, young family, huge amounts of clutter and chaos, very little time to myself, so much cooking and laundry.

In my fantasy life I live in a new build 2 bed terrace house, just myself and 2 ragdoll cats.
Although small, I have a beautiful garden, filled with roses, peonies and a pergola covered in wisteria, which I sit under on a warm summers morning. Also in my garden is a shepherds hut where I run my side hustle, being a beauty therapist giving massages and facials.
I don't have a tv, and my home is filled with books and a piano instead. My oven has never been used so it still spotlessly clean. And I have one of those boiling water taps too for instant cups of tea, but also means my kitchen sides are spotless with nothing cluttering them.
I'm working as cabin crew for BA so work a mix of long haul (with decent layovers!) and short haul, allowing me to travel and explore the world. Holidays are spent on cruises which I spend with my children (I'm paying so they are all happy to join!).
My social life is full and bustling - I volunteer for the local food bank, and the Samaritans, run the local WI, I am actively involved with local community projects.
I also swim each week, and attend the local theatre watching plays.

Random fact though - Taylor Swift wrote a song about her secret fantasy life called "I hate it here". I love to listen to it on my commute to work

These ex-fishermen's cottages are actually pretty cold and miserable inside, even in summer! But I know the places you are talking about. I think you might find what you are after further down the coast, in Kirkcaldy or maybe Leven. Very cheap property prices there and very good transport links to Edinburgh. Leven will soon have a rail link to Edinburgh as well.

Alternatively, further north in Arbroath you might just find what you are looking for: some lovely tiny cottages facing the sea!

In my fantasy life:

I'd own a house outright, which has larger bedrooms, a massive kitchen, more than one reception room, a sunroom, a large room to make a gym, a utility room and a cellar. It would have a garage where we could put all our camping gear. I'd be wealthy enough to not NEED to work...I'd just work part time and term time (while kids are young). I'd have a large garden, which would have a greenhouse, a potting shed and a summerhouse and there'd be a giant catio on one side of house, so the cats can go in and out whenever they want but be safe. I'd surround myself with books, cats, my kids and just potter about. I'd get back into playing the flute, do loads of cooking, have friends over. Once the kids are older, I'd study loads, buy a house in the ME (where I'm from originally), volunteer with Medicins sans frontiers and divide time between UK and ME. Perfect :D

Love this thread.
Oooo I would live in a house on my own in Tenby. A flat would be ok but it would have to be a massive one with a balcony. My days would be filled with pottering, driving around the area, eating delicious food. I’d see friends and family now and again but most of the time I’d be on my own just smelling the air, reading, walking, cooking.

or a house in rural Ireland but near the coast and a lovely town, on my own.

I know in both scenarios I’d be crying of loneliness on day 2 but it’s a nice dream

@DiscontentedPig Half of your fantasy life is achievable in a very short space of time. Put yourself first. x

I would have a proper piano, spend half a day a week on my hobbies, and go to the office two or three times a week without feeling guilty about it. I would come home from work to a hug rather than a telling-off. I would be good enough.

@Subfusc

That's a really interesting post. I think it's love that pulls us into lives we do not necessarily want and have to make a lot of compromise to work and, of course, being a parent means you put yourself on the back burner for many years.

My real life is a great one. My kids are grown so I don't have day to day caring responsibilities and I can enjoy their company more. My DH is a wonderful man and we have a great marriage. I live a pretty stress free rural life, doing a job I love part time while looking after a menagerie of animals, and I have a beautiful home filled with books.

But I also have a selfish fantasy where I have my dream job, a luxury apartment in Manhattan with a walk in wardrobe, no pets and I never cook, just slip into fabulous clothes and jewellery and eat out every night. But there are no people in that fantasy and I can't do without my DH and my children! I think that is what stops women having the life your friend has - because we don't want it enough to give up certain people and that comes with a lot of compromise. The problem women have, as far as I have observed, is that they are the ones making more compromises and therefore do not get enough balance in their lives, so the pull of your friend's life is much stronger, at every stage.

If something were to happen to my marriage, I think I would happily stay single for the rest of my life and my life would look just like your friends and I would be blissful and content. But the flip side of the coin is that, now that I have met him and shared a life with him, your friend's life does not sound appealing to me at all.

I am also aware of how very lucky I am.

I wouldn’t change anything other than my career. I would be a doctor, it is something I always wanted to do but was too embarrassed even to admit it incase I couldn’t achieve it, I am now 33, I have a wonderful life with beautiful children, a husband (who is equal parts great and annoying!) a very successful self employed career that I have worked very hard for and that I enjoy and I’m happy.
but in my fantasy life, I would be a hospital doctor.

I don't do it for a fortnight but I do book a couple of nights in a Premier Inn less than an hour away overlooking the beach. I love it when the wind is howling and the rain is lashing down so I can can feel guilt-free about staying in with books, bath, junk TV and nice things to eat which I've not had to prepare.

I do this roughly every 6 weeks

Little, cottage with just me, the cats, my cross stitch and some books.

Alternatively large 3 winged property where DH and I can live with the DC in separate wings. Plenty of money so no one has to work and meet up for coffee regularly.

I would love a full time osteo/physio/sports massager
💆‍♀️ to live on the grounds of my house somewhere sunny and hot and to be at my call
And a live in cook to make me lots of healthy food and I'd be slim and tanned

Omg have you done a mind meld and seen my fantasy life?!

In mine I'm married to Pedro Pascal and I'm an actor too and we live a lovely happy life in New York City. Ahhhhh to dream

That’s not true of everyone. I loved living alone. Did it for 10 years & will do it again one day. I don’t get lonely living on my own. It just suits me. Busy family life not so much unfortunately.

Enough money to travel the world forever

Stay in some places for a month, them move onto another place or move every couple of days

Also travel by train, plane, boat, motorbike, horse, sled, bus, camper van etc