To be jealous of DH work routine?

You need to leverage the commute for relaxation- headphones, eyes closed, meditation or audiobooks.

Rethink the gym, so you aren't carrying your life with you.

Stay over at a cheapy hotel a couple of nights a week- or get a room in a colleague's house.

There's no point envying DH.

Take a break. I had a 6 week sabbatical last year and I got so bored of the domestic drudgery I was very happy to snap back into my work routine. Even a couple of weeks (unpaid if you have to) leave to recharge would probably help, and you’ll appreciate the upsides more.

I suppose everyone is different but for me commuting daily made it much harder to fit in exercise and eat properly.

I had this perhaps v much worse, I used to wake up at 5am, exdh was asleep when I left for work I got home at 8, 9pm . Had an hour commute and was perhaps v much capable at 27-32. But it all took its toll and we divd.

If you love your job you need to start enjoying what it presents to you. Maybe not help with dinner. But you go out ,meet people, earn well. And are probably healthy and fitter than your dh as even a commute requires a greater level of fitness than what was once thought

Surely you realised you wouldn't be able to do all that when you took a highly paid "dream job" requiring a commute and constant physical presence?

Part of any dream job, as well as the role itself for me is the lifestyle it allows while you are actually doing the job. I earn a good salary working for a small association as a lawyer, only two days in the office and mostly WFH. I do yoga, go to the gym three times a week, run, and have a dog, and I couldn't do all that when I was commuting all the time. I could earn six figures in a law firm but would have to give up any family and spare time, would put weight on and my health would go to pot with the stress, and I'd be lucky to make retirement let alone ever get to enjoy any extra money. As a high earner you have a lot more choices than many- lots of people work very hard in stressful and unpleasant lower paid roles. I've had close relatives die age 31, 46, fifties, my mum is still going in her 80s but had a heart attack in her 50s which made her quickly change her priorities (and stop smoking!)

If you are having these thoughts all the time then have a think whether this really is your dream job and what you really want from life.

Not sure the point of your post, either suck it up or get a new job? Money / career isn’t everything, I’d much rather do my ok paid job and enjoy my life. No one dies wishing they worked more.

I now work hybrid. But I think I was fitter when getting the tube and walking to my work in London every day of the week. I kind of miss it.

That’s a good idea. I would treat myself. Even to a premier inn on occasion! Just to have no commute and to experience peace and quiet alone. Once a week or a month depending on finances.

Have a night in the city once a week.

Lots of us get up before 6am and work evenings and weekends, risking (and from time to time experiencing) physical attacks in the workplace and taking responsibility for life and death situations all outside the home, for not much more than the national average wage (and many for a lot less) to put it in perspective for you 😜

I assume you're just having a little bit of a complain because you're tired and his life looks easy, and that's fine btw , but you know really that you've chosen the life you have and are extremely well paid and could change career and tighten your belt metaphorically if you actually genuinely wanted to (just as I could resign and sell my soul and get an office job (again, I did that for four years way back) if I genuinely believed I would be able to get out of bed in the morning and go to a job which had no other point aside from generating money, and wouldn't slide into a cycle of existential ennui "what's the point?")...

A bit of a whinge now and then is what lots of us need, but then we remember that for all the downsides we often wouldn't actually swap...

My husband earns twice what I do for a 90% home office job with shorter hours than mine, so sometimes you get to be the one out all day and the one earning less, because society knows the price of everything but not necessarily the value... IMO

I understand OP. I am a teacher, and whilst my core hours are shorter than dh’s, I’ve always envied the actual structure of his working day and workload. But it’s swings and roundabouts - I get the holidays etc and he doesn’t. Similarly, you earn a lot more than your dh so it is what it is. But the occasional vent can feel good!

Or just live on your own.
Would solve almost any problem.
😁

Move house closer to work?
Use some of the salary bump for a personal trainer instead of going to the gym?
Get a taxi for part of the commute?
Get a wheely case for all your things on days when you’re carrying a lot?
Buy an extra week of annual leave and give yourself a day off every now and then?
Ask about working compressed hours or 0.9?

Just posting to make yourself feel better @Notamorning I do the same as you and husband does similar to yours but works a few evenings a week which means I do EVERYTHING myself! Some days I get up at 4.50 to walk the dog then I come home to care for my little ones which means I don’t get any time to myself until about 9.30. I dropped a day as my salary increased is there anyway to do that?

Unless you move closer to work to shorten the commute or stay over in the city I think you're going to have to suck it up in the short term.

Once you're where to you want to be in the hierarchy you can relax a bit. Congratulations on being in mostly a great place.

We have a similar set up, as in I commute to the City and DH works from home most of the time. I used to hate the commute, but now I love it as I try to use it as some downtime. I catch up on tv, social media, read, listen to music or a podcast. Are you using yours to work?

If you are in a dream role, then I think you need to try and embrace it a bit more, it has to come with compromise somewhere. I’m sure you wouldn’t earn a much smaller salary so you could spend another hour in bed and don’t have to get dressed up daily.

My only thoughts are that he should be doing all the cooking and meal planning, if his day is that much shorter than yours. None of the getting in and helping him. Give yourself a bit of downtime to avoid burnout.

Also, the gym and associated hassle seems to stress you out. Could you buy yourself some home gym equipment eg pelaton and some free weights and work out from home sometimes? Or just reduce your gym going by one or two a week and go for an evening run instead?

Basically just take back some time for yourself.

Also 6am isn’t that early!

It sounds like you have no DC, so as a PP suggests would focus on things to help you Mon to Fri.

With respect to the ‘financial burden’, that is a huge pay gap between you. Does your H still earn a reasonable amount and have enough pension for whenever he becomes eligible for it? Asking because if not wondering if that could account for your resentment.

you can’t wfh even one day a week? That seems unusual post covid, even in ‘corporate’ sectors.

It’s fair to be jealous of that; DH and I have the same dynamic but I’m the one working from home and often I’m a bit lonely by evenings or weekends but he’s so tired he wants to chill out. We’ve also done it when we were both out like you and that made it even harder to keep the house running

Not sure what to suggest, OP. You don’t want to change job, so it is what it is. I appreciate people need to vent, so that’s fine, but … yeah, this is your life.

Why do you go and help him make dinner when you get home?

Why not just relax - however you like, go for a lie down, watch TV, read a book, go for a walk?

Is reducing your commute an option?

Are you earning enough to move closer to your workplace?

I work long days in a low paying job that isn’t my dream job. It is tough. I get that it is exhausting and you feel like others have it easier but it sounds like you work as a team so you’re not stuck with all the rest at weekends.

Concentrate on being happy that you have got where you are and it’s where you want to be. The less enjoyable stuff is the thing that allows you to be there.

I get it. I am the same, I’m usually 4 out of 5 days in office. Although I don’t have to be too dressed up and I drive (however it’s 30 miles away). It’s tiring but I remind myself I wouldn’t have had these thoughts about wfh before Covid
dh works at home but that means the bulk of childcare pick up and drop off falls with him. There’s pros and cons to both i think

Move house closer to work?