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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be jealous of DH work routine?

162 replies

Notamorning · 09/07/2024 22:33

AIBU to be jealous of DH's lifestyle? I work in the city, have an hour commute door to door each way my day is typically 12 hours out of the house daily. I'm in a client facing corporate role so little opportunity to WFH and the closest I get to dress down is black jeans and pumps on a Friday.
DH is FT WFH, unless he is travelling internationally which is once every 8 weeks post COVID.
I'm just shattered from the commute and the effort that every day seems to take, I always have to be corporate so I can't just roll out of bed and throw anything on, hair has to be done, make up etc. I'm always at the whim of public transport which will throw my day out in an instant. I'm constantly carrying my life around with me, go to the gym either morning / lunch / after work
On the flip side, DH is still in bed whilst i'm getting ready, he gets up at a reasonable time, can sleep in if he's tired or not feeling great. Can walk the dog / go to the gym when his diary allows. Throw on anything and still look presentable in front of clients. He never needs to think about multiple outfits for the next day - if I'm at an event after work for example.
When I walk in the door he's generally started dinner (which is great) so I get changed and come and help, but don't feel like I get any time through the week to switch off. We menu plan on the weekend, so he doesn't need to think what to make / just follow the list.
I get that this is corporate life, and part of what I want from my career but bloody hell what I wouldn't give to just have a few weeks of his routine for a rest!
When it gets to the weekends he wants to go out and I just want some down time as I feel like I've been 'on' all week, the last thing I want to see is the city.

OP posts:
Mooda · 12/07/2024 08:02

Not really a solution and you can't do it on your own but part of the problem here is clearly the expectation that a 'corporate' woman has to look a certain way. Unless you're working in fashion/beauty, as long as you're clean and presentable what does it matter what you wear? How do you manage to do your job in jeans on a Friday but not on a Monday? It's total bullshit and we women let each other down by buying into it.

Lyraloo · 12/07/2024 07:45

Why are you doing all the cooking/cleaning?

Whatafustercluck · 12/07/2024 06:46

I should also say that my 'trade off' for the two long days is that I don't work Mondays and Fridays, and am still the higher earner.

Whatafustercluck · 12/07/2024 06:39

spriots · 10/07/2024 07:02

Why do you go and help him make dinner when you get home?

Why not just relax - however you like, go for a lie down, watch TV, read a book, go for a walk?

Is reducing your commute an option?

This. Two days a week I do 12 hour days, including a 4 hour round trip commute. I leave at 7am, I return at gone 7. Dh has the dinner sorted, while I sit down with a g&t and spend some time with the kids before they go to bed. Youngest is always in her PJs, teeth cleaned, fed and watered etc by the time I return. Admittedly though, I've planned the meals out for them in advance...

labamba007 · 12/07/2024 06:24

I think I'm jealous of you, OP 😂

Destiny123 · 12/07/2024 06:19

It's natural to be jealous. I'm a Dr 3h commute 10-13h days (no choice in where I work until finish training), partner wfh maybe does 4-5h work a day max, double my salary. I do the cooking/cleaning etc. The commute is the killer, when I'm at my local hospital and can cycle in and get up 1.5h later my life is a totally different world so highly recommend moving nearer work. Then again I'd go bonkers if my job was sat on boring teams meetings back to back all day

AceofPentacles · 12/07/2024 05:11

Stay in a hotel close to work once a week?

evelynevelyn · 12/07/2024 05:07

*after a while

evelynevelyn · 12/07/2024 05:06

Once in a while, stay at a hotel close to your work? A nice boutique one if you can afford it, so you have a bit of time to yourself and some luxury.

That's what I did in a similar role.

Your husband could perhaps come and stay with you there sometimes, or come into town for dinner.

Otherwise you are going to either have to suck it up or move I think.

Btw the data shows that a long commute is one of the few things that you never adjust to, in terms of wellbeing. Even much more severe things disappear from the happiness data after a whole, but a long commute is a permanent drag on your happiness.

NavyTurtle · 12/07/2024 02:45

HungryLittleCrocodile · 09/07/2024 22:49

Can you not change jobs/apply for a WFH job @Notamorning ???

I WFH now (3 days a week, admin job, been doing WFH since 2020,) and I would never - I mean NEVER go back.

Edited

I wfh for 3 years. Turned me into a zombie and a very boring person. Got asked to go to another project and now I am back on site. I forgot how much fun it is to work with lovely people. Never would I wfh again.

DinnaeFashYersel · 11/07/2024 23:01

Both DH and I wfh.

I will never work in an office or commute again.

You should look for another job OP

Notamorning · 11/07/2024 23:00

Was clearly just having a bad day! Amazing what a some early morning exercise, some sleep and the prospect of a fun weekend ahead can do. Thanks everyone appreciate that I'm very lucky.
I'm definitely doing the gok outfits, that's an awesome idea!

OP posts:
Lyraloo · 11/07/2024 22:42

Wow your choice, if you dont like it change careers!

Gummybear23 · 11/07/2024 20:53

Notamorning · 09/07/2024 23:08

Changing jobs isn't an option, I've recently landed my 'dream' job so I'm not going anywhere, I love the work, the industry, my salary. I just like not to get up at 6am everyday.

So why you moaning?

lemming40 · 11/07/2024 20:46

Notamorning · 09/07/2024 23:08

Changing jobs isn't an option, I've recently landed my 'dream' job so I'm not going anywhere, I love the work, the industry, my salary. I just like not to get up at 6am everyday.

It's not a dream job then is it. Change your job or stop moaning.

vickylou78 · 11/07/2024 20:44

Can you reduce your hours just a bit. Maybe work 4 days instead of 5 and then you'd have one day off to decompress!

Lulu49 · 11/07/2024 19:54

I can feel your stress! You do know women don't have to wear makeup these days? Gok Wan plans his whole weeks outfits on the Sunday and hangs them up ready so every morning he just needs to get dressed. Now that sounds like a plan 🤣. I wish I could be that organized. I don't think your unreasonable to feel envious of your DH. Could you have a change of role?

TrixieMixie · 11/07/2024 19:34

My DH is retired, he’s quite a bit older, I work full time and sometimes get stressed - it’s long hours, up at 6am, not home til late, but I earn really well and enjoy it. I wouldn’t swap with him, being at home all day would drive me mad! Grass can look greener. Having a career you enjoy is a privilege. If you feel it’s too much, scale back - but for yourself, not cos you’re jealous of your DH!

Purpl · 11/07/2024 19:25

we are in opposite roles and i WFH and hate it. i dont see anyone all day and hate being trapped in. ive gained 2 stone and miss wearing nice clothes and getting dressed up. files everywhere in dining room so always see what work need to do. i’d love to commute & have a little snooze in train and leave work in office. i really miss people interaction. the grass isn’t always greener. maybe try and WFH 1 day a week and set teams meeting up ?

OhcantthInkofaname · 11/07/2024 17:58

What you can do is reduce your commute. Move closer to your job.

Iamblossom · 10/07/2024 18:22

GeneralMusings · 10/07/2024 16:08

Tell me more about these well paid wfh jobs....

Customer success manager for a large software company.

7000 employees, very few are office based.

Ontobetterthings · 10/07/2024 17:35

.

Justkeeprollingalong · 10/07/2024 17:19

One thing I found helped when I was in this situation was that all of my work clothes were black. Had several suits, several dresses but everything was black. That way everything matched and no one noticed what I was wearing. If on the odd occasion I broke protocol and turned up a bright red jacket or a pair of red high heels I'd get a cheer from my colleagues!

pinkyredrose · 10/07/2024 16:44

You need a holiday!

GeneralMusings · 10/07/2024 16:08

Tell me more about these well paid wfh jobs....