To be jealous of DH work routine?

Based on this I would suggest taking reduced hours. It sounds like you’ve reached a comfortable enough salary so can afford to have the luxury of prioritising time over money.
I would drop one day a week and either take those extra hours across the week for shorter work days, or work only 4 days. Use the extra day to relax and take time for yourself.

Cos he doesn't. I've had 4 meals cooked in 7 years I think. I've now got a cleaner alternate weeks buy found them so unreliable it's often easier just to diy than the stress of them not showing. We've just got a robotic hoover to compensate for the puppy at least

Sounds like a bit more help at home would make life easier. Do you have a cleaner? Shopping delivered? Gardener?
You need to agree a bit more rest time in the evenings so you have more energy to enjoy a busier weekend with your husband

Get yourself a holiday or long weekend booked, sounds like you need it 😬

There is an £80k gap between you, so even if he earns average salary of £35k you earn well over £100k??
For that much money you should be working bloody hard. Most people I know earn £25k - £45k and mostly work very hard and come home exhausted.

Yes, you're right: WFH is still work, not twiddling thumbs.
However, due to her long commute she has a 12-hour-day while her hubby probably works the regular 8 hours from home. That gives him 4 hours per day (so 20 hours per week!) to do household chores + gym. That should be more than enough time to do the shopping, cooking, laundry for a 2 person household.
Regarding naps: If hubby would get up at 6am with his wife, then proceeds with sports, household chores and his WFH, he might benefit from a short nap before fixing dinner and spending time with his wife in the evening.

@notamorningI get it. But I do think that in the exhaustion and relentlessness of it, you've lost sight of what changes could be possible. My clients are almost ALL banks/law firms/tech firms working in the city (London or New York) and not a single one of them work in the office 5 days a week. the only person I know who does that is a man who, frankly, does it to avoid having to deal with any of the home drudgery (Dh of a friend). I just don't believe that in 2024 you can't work from home at least once a fortnight and can't adjust your schedule accordingly.

second, if your Dh is taking a step back having been enabled by you to work hard in the past, you need to let him make him take a step forward when it comes to home stuff as you probably did for him in the past. So don't help him make dinner - he can make dinner and you can, at best, set the table and pour the wine. Similarly, sure, do meal planning together if you like but I hope he's doing the shopping/unpacking as well as the bulk of cleaning/life admin?! It can be quite difficult to let go of those things and for him to take them on, but it MUST happen. What's that old MN saying - you need the same amount of sitting on your butt time. So, for example, he's getting all this extra sleep in the morning - that's great. But it doesn't mean that can't do his share of the chores.

Thirdly, assuming ou are a high earner which I'm assuming you are, you need to use your money to make your life better. I know plenty of women like you and one thing they all have in common is fabulous holidays and/or a determination to enjoy their non-work time without worrying. They're the ones who eat out at least once a week at nice restaurants, go shopping and buy the hot new bag of the moment and book their next holiday from the beach on their current holiday. As one friend once said to me, "what is the point of working this hard and earning this money if I'm too tired and stressed all the time to enjoy it."

Sounds like you need to take some time out to take stock of your life. Decide whether you were just having an off day or if there are some tweaks you could make to improve your life.
It may just be the contrast between your lives that is hard.
Could you stay closer to work one day a week, so you are loosing some of the commute time? Could your other half stay with you, so you could have an evening out together?
Is there any way of juggling hours - whilst you are clear you need to be physically present, are there times when actually you could be say in the office all day rather than here there and everywhere? Even just once a month or so?
At least it's your dream job......but you can still get burn out.

Yeah you’re being unreasonable to be jealous. You made these choices. If it’s too bad then look into a career change.

unless you are a model makeup is not required. Cut that out.

get a low maintenance hair-do.

why the heck are you ruining your body with those shoes! Sneakers babe.

are you making a commission and selling with physical appeal? Lots of other ways to dress corporate without this much wasted time!

so yeah. Don’t be jealous. Make changes. If you’re burnt out go on a leave.

I kind of get it although appreciate the responses from those who have it much tougher. My door to door is 90 minutes each way, alarm goes off at 6am, and here are a few things that help me:

I buy my breakfast en route - stuff having to think about making food / tea before 7am

I use my train in to get a jump on my day (emails, calls to places that are further ahead time zone wise, make to do lists, etc.)

I wear trainers on my commute and walk to my office at the other end, a few minutes of brisk walking counts! It also means I have my trainers if I want to walk somewhere during the day.

I sometimes schedule meetings between work and home and then go straight home.

I sometimes schedule meetings near home if it suits both parties - and either go in late or leave early accordingly.

I use my train ride home to finish up bits of work sometimes but try and use it to decompress if I can. Tv show, Facebook scrolling, audio book.

I sometimes order food to pick up from the train, so it only adds 5 minutes to my drive home from the station

I let my hair air dry on the train each day - it's completely dry by the time I get to the office

I ditched make up. No one cares. I still look professional without lipstick

I wear outfits that suit my day - including day-to-night outfits when I've got evening events. Pre covid I kept a black tie dress, heels and undies in the office just in case (now I find it exceedingly unlikely a black tie event will spring up from nowhere and if it did I'd go buy a dress) and if I felt the need for make up (unusual!) a department store counter / MAC / Sephora would take care of it. I do keep an assortment of shoes, a pair of shorts / t shirt (in case I need to see physio / chiro and I'm wearing a dress), a wash bag with deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, contact lens solution, toothpaste and toothbrush (my office has a shower) and things like tampax so I don't have to haul a ton of stuff around either me.

A car service / Uber when it all gets too much / you're done with public transport. The train to work is quicker than a car most days, but coming home I do think 'fuck it' sometimes.

You are in your ‘dream job’ and are not willing to change it, by your own admission. So what do you want from us? This feels very much like a humblebrag.

I think this is a classic case of jealousy and no, it’s not reasonable. If you want that sort of lifestyle, pick a career that allows it. It’s not your husbands fault you picked something that demands the life you’ve got, instead of the one he picked.

Dont blame him for your choices just because you’re jealous.

Who says you need multiple outfit changes and look like you’ve stepped out of a fashion magazine. You are where you are because you can do the job not because of what you look like.

tell your firm that you need to rearrange your diary and have one day working from home. Otherwise you will burn out and be off for a long time.

sometimes people are their own worst enemies saying they have to do stuff when they don’t. Leave work earlier. You’ve done enough hours.

make the changes you need for your own health before they are made for you by your body.

I also don't understand this idea that when wfh you have all this time to do the cooking,cleaning, shopping and napping! In fact I don't know anyone that takes naps (most grown ups shouldn't need naps during the day).

I'm working, not sat around twiddling my thumbs. I go to the gym but I use my lunch hour or go before I start work, same with shopping. I may move my lunch hour to a slightly later or earlier time but then I still only take an hour.

I still try and book appointments before work or at lunchtime (or close to). I still have meetings during the day and people still need to contact me.

Suck it up. I do 30 hours a week and get paid for 18. The amount I get is less than half the difference between yours and your partners. You say it's your dream job, but it's not as you're moaning about the conditions. Leave and get a job with less commuting or option to WFH or stop moaning!!!!

Her husband works from home ! He doesn’t sit about all day doing nothing!
It seems to be a recurring theme on MN that a man working from home all day should also do all of the house work and cooking, but a SAHM should be relieved of all childcare, chores etc as soon as Dad walks in the door 😀

Why on earth are you doing the cooking and cleaning?
Either he can clean or pay for a cleaner surely?

Your priority is clearly your career. If you don’t want to change anything, the overall balance/picture won’t change.

life isn’t guaranteed. I lost my DH very suddenly. I feel so VERY fortunate that we always prioritised us/our life together over jobs and careers. Those memories are precious and keep me going. A job would never do that. It’s your life, do what you feel you need to do

They aren't unreasonable suggestions though. Sometimes it's about making the bold move to improve quality of life. I've just switched jobs and wish I had done it years before. The pay cut has been worth every bit of the improved quality of life.

Similarly moving home can make so much sense sometimes.

You expressed unhappiness with your life. It's not unreasonable to reflect on how you might change it and whether you want to

Surely it would make sense to be based near your work now?

Similar role etc here. A couple of things:

I keep a separate wash bag, trainers and gym kit in the office (obviously it comes home occasionally) - helps to only think about kit once a week

food delivery box - keeps planning down

cleaner once a week- tidies, cleans and changes beds

advice on work to evening outfits - also a work “uniform” so choosing outfits is easier

meal replacement shakes- not for everyone but means I don’t have to think about breakfast/ lunch and it helps with weight control

treat commute as down time - Netflix, prime etc downloads

We have a similar situation. I'm a teacher, need to leave the house at 7 am, my husband WFH most days with quite flexible schedule. Like OPs husband he goes to the gym in the morning or early afternoon and gets to take naps.
However, I don't envy him but am very thankful that one of us (DH) has enough time to take on neccessary household chores. DH gets up at 6 with the rest of the family, makes breakfast and prepares lunchboxes for the children. After the kids and I have left the house, he cleans up the kitchen. He also does almost all of the grocery shopping, prepares dinner and throws the laundry into the washing machine. So when I get home from school, most of the household chores are already done and I don't have to worry about dinner and laundry. I'm very thankful that my DH is in a position to tackle most of our household chores and is also capable and willing to do so.
Could you find a similar arrangement with your DH, OP? You're out of the house for work longer than his WFH-hours so he could cook dinner, do laundry etc. until you arrive home and then you both get to enjoy the rest of the day/evening together.

I can understand that you are feeling shattered. And that moving home might not be an option. But could you maybe stay a night in the city mid week? So a Tuesday or Wednesday night or maybe what suits your schedule most? Doesn't have to be every week either. But if you know you have a particularly early start or a busy day it might give you a bit of breathing space. Grab dinner somewhere and just relax and have a bath/read a book/ watch a film.

I envy you@Notamorning. I don't know if you have DC but it sounds like an OK life. You're so lucky to have a job you love, I never did though I'm retired now.
My DH worked overseas quite a lot so I never had the support you do and couldn't work the hours that you do as we had four DC. Meal planning and food shopping were a nightmare in the days prior to internet food shopping, though 24 hour supermarkets worked for me.
I did always use an outfit system for work clothes, with most of them pretty suitable for after work events.

Change jobs then…simple solution.