Sad or sulking?

I love it when people tell others how they should feel

You've had some good advice about how to approach conversations. To add to that- you've had an emotional shock- you are hurt and withdrawn. I'd address that, now you've had a chance to mull about it, with some TLC. A soppy film, a good cry, hot bath and an early night. Preferably with a big hug from a very contrite husband.

Treat yourself like a child after a big upset.

They’ve triggered a trauma reaction from your past however don’t put up with it OP. Stand up for yourself. Your husband should apologise once he understands the context and then you will get your voice back.

It sounds from OP that DS knows he was unpleasant though.

I've pondered this since yesterday.

Their behaviour was VERY hurtful.

Being chatty is a big part of your personality and your H has clearly been criticising and mocking you privately with your DC.

I'm not sure I would be able to truly forgive my H for clearly thinking so little of 1, who I am, 2, mocking me to the DC.

'Over sensitive' is a phrase used often by the belittlers and mockers

You need to sit your DS down and have a word with him . You’ve got an opportunity here to teach him how to treat other people - he needs to learn it. It founds like he’s already realised he has behaved badly, which is a good start.

Ideally you’d also talk to your DH, calmly but firmly. If I’m honest i wouldn’t be able to - I’d be so angry. I’d focus my teaching efforts on DS and basically ignore DH. I’d stop doing anything for him until he asks what is wrong. Then I’d give him the bollocking of a lifetime.

I suppose I’d be thinking that DS is my child and not yet an adult - even if 18/19. My feelings towards DH would be very different.

What they did was hurtful - and your DH should have the maturity to realise how badly he’s screwed up. It doesn’t say much for him that he hasn’t.

OP, I haven't RTFT but I've read all of your responses. I'm really sorry that you're feeling so sad about this. Since your reaction seems to be out of character for you, I wonder if perimenopause might be worth checking into? One of the first symptoms for me was mood swings and oversensitivity.

You’re being over-dramatic. You’re not "broken", just sad and perhaps embarrassed. Your confidence has taken a knock. They were rude and unkind, but I doubt if they ever intended it to be taken to heart as much as you have done. Tell them how you feel.

I get it OP. I was once telling my then boyfriend something and honestly hadn't been talking long when he suddenly said 'Shh now, you're boring me.' I was really shocked. We split up not long afterwards and that was nearly twenty years ago but I still feel intensely aware of the need not to talk for too long if I'm telling someone something.

Getting an authentic part of yourself shot down is the definition of gutting.

My OH once got really frustrated with how excited I get, and how I express that excitement, which I feel is very much a part of being me. I spoke to her about it and said that I get excited, it's my nature and she said she gets annoyed and it's in her nature. We both reflected and now she tolerates it a bit and I tone it down a bit because ultimately we do still love each other very much even if there's some stuff about each other that we don't like all of the time.

I recommend talking, an explanation might reveal a level of annoyance much lower than your mind is going to

I guess it’s you doubting your everything, your place, your existence, your personality and contribution to your family in life. I’ve been there and it’s horrible (also a happy chatty at home person). It’s them not you and they might not even realise what they’ve done to you but maybe you need to tell them. Just hopefully your dh isn’t awful and he’ll be sorry. Either way You can’t lose your lovely self xxxxxxxx talk to them but also make sure you do some you stuff music wise or comedy or just chatting to friends, or your kids, getting out/ awayetc . Whatever you need to be you xxxx

That sounds awful and I can see how it really punched you in the guts after the childhood you had. A family member of mine married a man who, along with their sons, belittled the shit out of her. They treat women horribly now as adult men, and the family member (well rid of the nasty ex) has terrible self confidence and is nc with her sons. This is a very extreme case, but it's up to your dh to nip this in the bud before those kids of yours start thinking that its the way to treat the women they love.

I had something like what you're describing when I was 10 OP. I had noticed by then that conversations with my mother followed a pattern: I'd talk to her about something that bothered me, and she'd listen sympathetically at the time, but then later on when angry at me she'd use those details to lash out. I.e "Well THIS is why Julie doesn't like you, because you do things like this" sort of thing.

It got to the point where even the thought of sharing information about my day with my mother made me freeze up, even if I wanted to make an effort or if it was low-threat information. Unfortunately that freeze response never really faded for me. However you're an adult so I'd be more hopeful that it will resolve (also I'm autistic so that might have been a factor).

Sorry you're feeling so deflated OP.

Just nasty.

I think perhaps you might want to read the OP's follow-up posts about her childhood.

Bloody hell, love. Sounds like you had an awful time with your dad, and that certainly does shed some light on why this has affected you so much.

The term 'triggered' is massively overused these days, but I think its original meaning is pretty much exactly what's happened to you. Your DH suddenly being a bit of dick like that has triggered memories (even if only subconsciously) of being bullied by your dad as a kid. And that is pretty understandable. Being bullied by a parent like that (in what sounds like a very sadistic way, honestly) is genuinely traumatic.

FWIW, I thought I was pretty unscathed by a traumatic experience in my own past, until years later, my generally very calm, affable and mild-mannered DP was at the end of his tether with a technology-related issue and was getting really tense and irritated, to the point where he threw an instruction manual across the room. And suddenly I felt nauseous, came out in a cold sweat and my hands started shaking, and completely shut down and just went and sat upstairs. Basically, his behaviour had triggered memories of a former partner who had a horrific and violent temper (despite the fact that my DP wasn't cross with me at all and had just been muttering furiously and threw an instruction booklet across the floor).

It sounds to me as if what you've gone through is very similar - a seemingly minor thing has reminded you of a much more major thing, and it's really affected you. It's a PTSD type of response.

I think you need to talk to your husband and explain exactly how you feel, and most importantly, why. I would guess that, if this was out of character for him, he didn't mean to hurt you, and has no idea that you would be affected like this - so I think you need to tell him. I don't mean by having a go at him, but just an honest conversation about how your childhood seems to have affected you. If he's usually kind and caring towards you, he'll want to know what's up, surely, and he'll want to know how to avoid hurting you like this again in future.