Page 2 | DS seeing his dad one day a week

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 2024-07-09T18:22:45+00:00

And it’s messing up my weekends. I have my DS 10 every other weekend(50/50 with his dad). My other DS 2 only sees his dad sat am-sun pm. Me and DS10 like to go away to our caravan at weekends but can’t as DS2 dad sees him then so I need to stay home for him to pick him up. I’ve suggested he have DS2 Friday-Sunday(even every other weekend) but he’s said no. if we go away, I’m expected to meet him half way(which is an hour drive each way) to drop DS to him. I really can’t afford the fuel for this, and it a pain in the neck as we like to have days out and have an early start. how can I get around this?

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 20:22

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 09/07/2024 20:18

Why would that be unreasonable?

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It is unreasonable to expect one dad's contact with their son to be dependent on the other dad's contact. It will start of fine and in sync but there will be times one dad has a family thing and thst son's pattern needs to change temporarily. Fine to then try and get it back in sync but "it's your turn to have dave as Fred is going to his dad's this weekend" sucks

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 20:19

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:49

Now that the weather is hopefully improving, I’ll obviously be wanting to spend more time away at weekends with the boys.
I have DS 10 this weekend so we will be leaving Friday evening, it's up to you if you want to come and get him Friday or I have him for the weekend. I can always drop him off on our way through if it’s easier.
I’m afraid its too far(and too expensive) to drive and meet you on sat am as we have plans for a day out. Let me know what you would like to do.
Going forward, if you want to just have him Fri-sun every other weekend, let me know

what do we think of this?

Rubbish tbh your contact schedule shouldn't be dictated by the weather so leave that out.

I think you need to chat to your son and ask if he wants you to ask dad about him staying there Friday - Sunday or whatever it is every other week

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 09/07/2024 20:18

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 20:17

Yes you would but that's my point. It is completely unreasonable for you to ask this. All you can do is try and synchronise it when it goes out of sync for eg a special occasion or holiday and get them back in sync

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Why would that be unreasonable?

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 09/07/2024 20:17

Sirzy · 09/07/2024 19:56

I would change the end to remove any choice for him. “Going forward I think it would be best for DS if you had him Friday - Sunday every other weekend and I will plan as such.”

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Or, Id be even more assertive. Take out you can always drop off as you dont want to always be doing that.

I will be leaving Friday evening, it's up to you if you want to come and get him Friday or I have him for the weekend. I can drop him off on our way through this Friday if it’s easier. I’m afraid it is too far (and too expensive) to drive and meet you on Saturday morning as we have plans for a day out. Going forward it would be best for DS if you had him Friday - Sunday every other weekend, starting this weekend. Let me know what you would like to do.

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 20:17

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 20:12

I’d obviously prefer to have the boys together on the weekend I have older DS so they always get to see each other at weekends

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Yes you would but that's my point. It is completely unreasonable for you to ask this. All you can do is try and synchronise it when it goes out of sync for eg a special occasion or holiday and get them back in sync

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 20:12

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 20:07

I don’t know how to work this for the best? Help!

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I’d obviously prefer to have the boys together on the weekend I have older DS so they always get to see each other at weekends

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Caffeineneedednow · 09/07/2024 20:10

Include in your message the order of the weekends so if this is your weekend with you older son this is also your weekend with the younger one. He can have him next week and then you have set the pattern going forward

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 20:07

BookArt · 09/07/2024 20:01

So the siblings never have a weekend together? That doesn't sound what is best for them.

I don’t know how to work this for the best? Help!

OP posts:

BookArt · 09/07/2024 20:01

So the siblings never have a weekend together? That doesn't sound what is best for them.

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:59

Sirzy · 09/07/2024 19:56

I would change the end to remove any choice for him. “Going forward I think it would be best for DS if you had him Friday - Sunday every other weekend and I will plan as such.”

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Good thinking. Thanks

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Sirzy · 09/07/2024 19:56

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:49

Now that the weather is hopefully improving, I’ll obviously be wanting to spend more time away at weekends with the boys.
I have DS 10 this weekend so we will be leaving Friday evening, it's up to you if you want to come and get him Friday or I have him for the weekend. I can always drop him off on our way through if it’s easier.
I’m afraid its too far(and too expensive) to drive and meet you on sat am as we have plans for a day out. Let me know what you would like to do.
Going forward, if you want to just have him Fri-sun every other weekend, let me know

what do we think of this?

I would change the end to remove any choice for him. “Going forward I think it would be best for DS if you had him Friday - Sunday every other weekend and I will plan as such.”

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:50

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 19:46

Me and DS10 like to go away to our caravan at weekends but can’t as DS2 dad sees him then so I need to stay home for him to pick him up so you're OK with DS2 not going to the caravan? If so that's all fine.

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Sorry, I wasn’t very clear there. I mean I don’t mind if I only take DS 10 without his brother and vice versa, if that makes sense. I don’t mind not having a completely child-free weekend

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Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:49

Now that the weather is hopefully improving, I’ll obviously be wanting to spend more time away at weekends with the boys.
I have DS 10 this weekend so we will be leaving Friday evening, it's up to you if you want to come and get him Friday or I have him for the weekend. I can always drop him off on our way through if it’s easier.
I’m afraid its too far(and too expensive) to drive and meet you on sat am as we have plans for a day out. Let me know what you would like to do.
Going forward, if you want to just have him Fri-sun every other weekend, let me know

what do we think of this?

OP posts:

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 19:46

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:41

It makes no difference to me which weekends it falls on

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Me and DS10 like to go away to our caravan at weekends but can’t as DS2 dad sees him then so I need to stay home for him to pick him up so you're OK with DS2 not going to the caravan? If so that's all fine.

Sirzy · 09/07/2024 19:44

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:36

I said this last weekend and he just didn’t see him

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His loss! Enjoy the weekend with both of your sons.

he needs to realise he can dictate how things are.

Lovemusic82 · 09/07/2024 19:43

Sadly there’s nothing you can do. My ex has been the same for years (dd is now 18), he would never have her overnight and would only have her 10am-5pm on a Sunday. I can’t force him to have her for longer 🙁

BlackeyedSusan · 09/07/2024 19:42

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:36

I said this last weekend and he just didn’t see him

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Ok. He can see him next weekend. Keep every other weekend available for dad to see him. Offer him contact in writing. Keep a record.

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:41

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 19:39

I'd suggest mediation. What will not go down well is asking to synchronise with your other DC's dad. My husband's ex asks to synchronise with her partner's contact schedule and it's a pain in the arse. In the end DH said look, if you want to tweak holidays a bit fine but it's not fair on the kids for their pattern to get disrupted for someone else's parents.

So by all means try and make sure you have both your kids for the same weekend but accept it might not always happen.

It makes no difference to me which weekends it falls on

OP posts:

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 19:39

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:36

I said this last weekend and he just didn’t see him

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His choice. Let him make it don't force it.

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 09/07/2024 19:39

I'd suggest mediation. What will not go down well is asking to synchronise with your other DC's dad. My husband's ex asks to synchronise with her partner's contact schedule and it's a pain in the arse. In the end DH said look, if you want to tweak holidays a bit fine but it's not fair on the kids for their pattern to get disrupted for someone else's parents.

So by all means try and make sure you have both your kids for the same weekend but accept it might not always happen.

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:36

Caffeineneedednow · 09/07/2024 19:34

I would say I'm heading away next weekend. We will be leaving Friday evening, it's your choice if you come get him Friday or I have him this weekend.

I an afraid its too far to drive back to x place as we have plans. Let me know what you would like to do.

I said this last weekend and he just didn’t see him

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ABirdsEyeView · 09/07/2024 19:34

Just stop doing it. He shouldn't get every weekend anyway - as your child gets older you want the freedom to do nice things with your child and not just the weekend school drudgery stuff.
His dad isn't the boss of you - you can just say he can have eow. If his dad really wants to see him, he'll make time in y e week. If not, better yo find this out before he wrecks all your plans.

Caffeineneedednow · 09/07/2024 19:34

I would say I'm heading away next weekend. We will be leaving Friday evening, it's your choice if you come get him Friday or I have him this weekend.

I an afraid its too far to drive back to x place as we have plans. Let me know what you would like to do.

Original poster

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:34

Maray1967 · 09/07/2024 19:33

Well then, you can decide something else.

Why accept what he says? Tell him that doesn’t work for you.

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Then he just won’t see him? I obviously want to avoid that for both of them

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Curtainnovice · 09/07/2024 19:34

Tangoisbetterthanfanta · 09/07/2024 19:30

No, no court involved. That’s just what he’s decided

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Can’t imagine why he’s an ex with that wonderful attitude

its not working offer him some alternatives or go to court to get agreement
id imagine eow would be seen as fair