DH or me? Not making space for baby

I didn’t say it would fix his hoarding issues. That’s a separate issue that needs to be addressed obviously. I said it’s a way for the OP to still have the room ‘looking’ how she wants for now. It’s possible to keep bare minimum of baby stuff in that room and still have it looking how she wants.

No, he's not quite that daft, but he is an optimist about doing things the best possible way, whereas I think adequate is better than not at all.

I've got people coming round, so I've stuck the latest bag (half full of my stuff anyway) under the pram.

He already has a whole another room for his stuff. He doesn't need the nursery as well. He sounds like a garden variety selfish man child.

OP, you are very naive if you think this will improve.
Hoarding is a mental health issue.
He is completely unreasonable and so are you if you think you will change him.
You have made a huge mistake having a baby with him so I would strongly suggest you bullet proof your contraception.

Yours was a 100% reasonable request which he point blank refused to entertain and caused a row.
This is who he is. Hoarders very very rarely change. His anger at the suggestion of change is who he is.

Protect yourself as I see a very stressful future ahead of you with you feeling very unheard.

Sorry I would turf him out. What a selfish greedy git.
Making up the nursery is all part of the fun part of being pregnant and eating so to speak, your baby deserves the cutest room with all her/his stuff all together. The fact ur man has another room on top of this is pathetic. I swear I'd kick him out. Do u think he is jealous of the baby? Cos he sounds like one himself.

Just bin his stuff a bit at a time. Our Nursery was DH’s room of stuff, massively condensed by him (and then re condensed by me!) before she came along. She’s had a full nursery to herself since I was 37 weeks pregnant and she will be in with us until she’s at least 6m!

Hoarder! It will only get worse

I didn't get to edit my above post but hoarding is a mental illness. He needs treatment. People who live with these people always come in second to the hoard.

“note, in spite of my offer of taking it to the clothes bank, he says he wants it to go to a shop”

He’s thinking he could go down there and buy them back…

To JLT24: your idea on the half and half won't work because the hoarders "half" keeps expanding.

That's horrible. I'd want it all cleared out and done especially for the baby. His probably not gonna use any of that stuff anyway

Sounds like you have pandered to his hoarding tendencies for long enough. I'm confused as to why you are 'hoping' he will change as your child grows and not willing to tell him to move his stuff. He's a hoarder, he won't change will he? By the time baby is older, there will be even more shit. When it starts to affect your child, it's time to start speaking up.

Is there room for him to put his stuff somewhere else? How much storage space do you have?

I'm, I'm not laughing about this at all but I did actually laugh out loud at his solution!

Ask him if he deserves a bedroom and doesn't his child? It's nit a spare room any more, it's his child's space that he is encroaching on. What a tool.

I did this. Baby is almost nine months old, and the boxes are all over the floor of our spare bedroom/his office. He winged about them because he gets asthma and can't vacuum.

However about a dozen t-shirts have made it into a bag for a charity shop. Woopdedoo.

(note, in spite of my offer of taking it to the clothes bank, he says he wants it to go to a shop - in spite of being hampered by the baby, I've taken 15 bags of outgrown stuff to charity, yet his half-filled bag hasn't budged a smegging inch)

Just evict the stuff OP. And don't give up any of your fair share of space because he can't get his act together and sort his crap out.

Remind him that your child is a human being. He seems to have forgotten they have their own needs. Which in a matter of months will be very different from now. He isn’t going to get away without making this sacrifice.

If you are in a small house with only 2 bedrooms then I can see his point about keeping his stuff in there. My LO room as a chest of drawers and wardrobe with my SO stuff cos we don’t have the space in the main bedroom. Whist a pretty nursery is lively , they won’t really need it till they are a bit older. We plan on redoing my LO bedroom when she’s old enough for bunk beds and we can sort out proper storage. How much if his stuff is just clutter - could you declutter the main bedroom and make space?

If he's using 2 bedrooms for his stuff, why can't the furniture just be shoved in the other room?

I'd wait till he was out me and just do it and why are you caving?

Tbh I couldn't live with a hoarder, it would be separate houses all the way. Do what they want then.

He does sound like hard work OP.
I guess I would have some sympathy if he really is a hoarder as they literally will not let anything go. You’re on a hiding to nothing if he isn’t prepared to work on it though :(

Totally agree. This is very very serious and needs tackling tomorrow and you need to read up on hoarding and really work out what you are currently tip toeing around.
it’s serious enough to consider moving out with you little baby

I 100% agree. Being patient and nice isn't going to get you anywhere. Push has definitely come to shove, and it is entirely reasonable to move his stuff. He is not the fucking master of the home.

And actually living with a hoarder is really bad for other people's mental health .

So this is actually serious and you need to tackle it

I'd actually put your foot down on this one.

You say that he has another room where he stores his stuff.

I'd move all the stuff from the child's room into that room.

He needs to realise that there are three people living in the house and all three need to be treated seriously

There’s a whole other spare bedroom which is majority his things.

Fucking hell.

I asked him what about when DC is older and his answer was either we will have sorted out better storage by then (what, I’m not sure!) or have moved to a bigger house!!

The Hoarder's Playbook 101.

I manage to keep him in check so our house looks normal but it’s hard work! He has the loft basically filled with his things etc.

You will not be able to keep controlling this, and your passivity is already massively working against you. You bring up his stuff, he barks, you back off. This cannot continue. The time to deal with him is now. He cannot just lord over every inch of your home. Why have you tolerated it this long?

Unfortunately yes, this is quite symptomatic of how he is generally, very selfish and precious about his things.

I am being very serious in that you have an enormous problem on your hands which is never going to magically resolve itself. Even with therapy, hoarders are rarely "cured", and as you hopefully start standing up to him, he will become very abusive.

I’m really hoping as time goes on he will realise that DC needs their own space.

Whether he realises it or not isn't the issue, because even if he does, he still won't do anything about it. He's a hoarder. Nothing, not you, not your child, is more important than his stuff.

I have personal experience with a hoarder and this does not get better, and you doing nothing about it is only going to prolong the inevitable. You will not be able to live like this happily, and if he refuses to change, right now, you and your child will be living in an absolutely horrendous environment. The children of hoarders are scarred for life.

Nesting and making a beautiful space for your new child is a really special thing, I can absolutely understand why you are furious about this, it might not be a functional requirement to have only baby stuff in there, but it’s a milestone and he is fucking with something nice you are trying to do.
It’s not just about social media is it, it’s almost like a ritual or a rite of passage. And it’s not necessary for him to put his stuff there,
obviously if you had no space, it would be different but that’s not the case
The trouble is if you just give in you may feel very resentful about it. Very tricky situation, but I don’t think you’re being silly at all. Sounds like whatever happens you might have a need to to make that room beautiful in your own eyes, this is part of your journey of motherhood as well