DH or me? Not making space for baby

Did you know that you will be moving to a bigger house one day ?
' or have moved to a bigger house!! '

Is that realistic / affordable ? i.e. do you have enough money to do so, or would it need to be a bigger mortgage ?

can you afford the costs of moving house ? i.e. stamp duty / solicitors / removal companies

is this not a lot to pay out just for his storage...

So he has your shared bedroom plus two spare rooms full of his stuff.

He sounds like a hoarder;I'm betting he's not worn any of those stored clothes or used many of those stored things for ages either.

It's also abit king of the castle like behaviour too.

Doesn't work with hoarders. They won't let you get rid of the current furniture and will genuinely stack it up against the built-in doors (which they will also have filled with more of their shite) if it's even possible to get into the room to build one without falling over more stuff.

I adopted so it's a bit different. Child was14
months old and already in their own room at the foster carers house when they came to live with me.

I can't tell you how many times when I've had community health visitors and social works come visit, they want to see the child's room. It's obviously very important. They don't care about the rest of the house, but that room they always check.

I think It's really important that child have their own space, even if it's shared with another child once they no longer sleep with their parents.
You hear on here that families which are over-crowded and lack bedrooms for everyone, it's the parents sleeping on the sofa.

My child has their own small double sized room with massive built in wardrobes and chest of drawers. They came with plenty of clothes and toys, I went from having absolutely nothing in my house for a child to their room (plus loads in the loft) being jam packed!
I bulk buy nappies, wipes toiletries etc because it's cheaper and I don't unexpectedly run out. Clothes are a nightmare, so many different coats and jackets and even sleep suits because of our changeable climate and how they grow.
I have a permanent charity shop bag in the wardrobe because every week some item because redundant.
Zillions of toys stored in their room so I can rotate them and the rest of my house doesn't look like a nursery.
Spare duvets, bedding, muslins, potties, suitcase, travel cot, loads of different footwear, plus all the stuff that is slightly too big but I keep nearby because they suddenly fit that size. Books, books, books everywhere! Luckily not quite a soft toy fan yet, but still loads of them about too. Spare Towels and swimming stuff live in their room too.
I used to use the top of the chest of drawers to change nappies - but now that's done on the run

There's also a big comfortable 'nursing chair' for pre-bedtime cuddles. And a bean bag for jumping games and small side table for bricks and train track. It makes it feel homely and like it's 'their room' even if we don't play in there very much.

Luckily because of all the storage the room looks nice and not a jumble sale (I also hang my child's outer clothes up in the wardrobe as I have ADHD and if I can't see it, I won't know I've got it and it saves me buying stuff when I've already got it!)

I absolutely hate the influx of all the stuff, but it's very necessary and I want to keep it all there on hand in the same place - the room is full. I can imagine being able to store another persons stuff in there too.

Kids grow so quickly and there's never a gonna be a better time to clear out that room, I have no idea what you can do if he still says no, maybe use his clothes to catch baby vomit as 'they were closest thing to hand'!

No - put a stop to it now. Or 5 years down the line you find you’ve moved to your new house with 2 children - and somehow all the crap you told your husband to SORT OUT and THROW SOME OUT has moved with you. If you give an inch the hoarder will take a mile. From reading your comments - if this is the smaller of your spare rooms - say ok - well move rhe things from your other spare room into here and baby can have that. You at least need to keep your things in one place.

You may have slowed him down a bit, but its not in check. He is already planning to fill your current house up completely and then move to a bigger house, with all that entails, stamp duty, bigger mortgage, moving costs, simply so he has more room to hoard. He's telling you loud and clear he has no intention of ever stopping. Please dont leave his stuff in the babies room, he will eventually start putting things there, but having it free of his things from the start and a hard boundary will buy your child a bit more time. Don't buy into him agreeing he won't add more stuff to the room if you let him keep his clothes there. Sooner or later he'll run out of space and he'll fill that space up to or you'll feel pressured to move.

He needs support with his mental health, this isn't going to get better without that. Failing him getting support and if you have the money Id find a psychologist that specialises in this and talk to them about what to do and long term prognosis, chance of recovery. Some PPs essentially said dont sweat the small stuff, but this isn't small stuff, it's the tip of the iceberg on a really massive problem. And like when you're dealing with any other mental health issues boundaries of steel are really important. Its different once you have a child with someone with mental health issues, your LO needs to come first now, not him.

Another selfish man.

I didn’t say it would. It solves the issue the OP is having with the look of the nursery that she wants for now though. Solving the hording problem is a longer term problem. I literally stated it doesn’t solve all the issues.

Am so sorry that you’re in this predicament and will say that as he’s a hoarder it will not improve, just worsen.
My granddaughter didn’t have her own bedroom until she was almost three and that was because his parents eventually got involved. My granddaughters dad had full boxes wall to wall and every bit of floor space, the only space for her to move about was on her parents bed, my daughter had to store pushchair and her things in her car, they’re now separated.
Living with a hoarder is impossible.
The thing is after she left him he kept blaming her, why didn’t you tell me, talk through all this through…… she had for three years!

Storage boxes don't solve a hoarding problem!

Do you only have 2 bedrooms in your house? Also if you need to move to a bigger house to keep his stuff then maybe he should try saving instead of buying more stuff. I'd put everything in binliners when he's out and fill the drawers and tell him to put his away somewhere else

Have you tried asking your dh what his room was like growing up? What he wants to be the same for your child, and what he wants different?

That might get him thinking….

Could you get build in wardrobes made for the room? We still need some storage space in our daughter’s room as we don’t have a lot of storage space in the house unfortunately. We got wardrobes built in with sliding doors. At the moment we only need one side of shelving areas and about a quarter of the rail space as she’s just a baby. The rest of the space we keep our bulky jumpers etc and some of her toys that she’s not ready for yet. It works well for us for now. By the time she needs more wardrobe space for herself we will have moved in to a bigger house.

Easy, keep everything in the spare room inc the sofa bed and move selfish husband in there and keep LO in with you😂

I sincerely hope OP that all of the posters pointing out to you that this is a mental health issue helps the penny drop for you.

He is mentally ill.
You denying it and tolerating/normalising this will make this worse.
He needs to get help.
You need to get help.

You are having a baby with a man with a serious mental health issue and you need to protect you both.
Speak to family and friends for support.
This will impact your child, remember that.

Take action now before the baby arrives.

Your child will accumulate more and more stuff as they get older and more birthdays and Xmas pass. Of course he needs to move his stuff. YANBU.

If he doesn't sort it out now he never will.

Give him another month to sort his shit out or tell him you will be booking a skip and chucking it all in.

He's a hoarder and needs to seek help, without help he will not get better, also did he want children?
I would more the chest of drawers with his things in into the other spare room out the way, he can't be allowed to have three bedrooms with his stuff in.

I know what happened, he is a hoarder, when it affected you, you could cope with that, but now it’s affecting you child, you can see the ‘wrongness’ of it.

He is 100% wrong but hoarding is a mental illness so this a huge problem and will only get worse. I wish you all the best x

And add you realise our friends will not only be judging but also watching hoarders shows on tv and thinking ‘that’s him! He needs mental health support!’ I support your getting counselling if this is emotionally distressing, but you shouldn’t have agreed to have a baby if you weren’t going to make any space. Baby is here now and I am going to make sure they get space in their own house. With or without you.

If his stuff stays in the room it will take over the room, it's that simple. He has a very challenging mental health issue. There needs to be a very strong boundary from the start. He already has attic storage, 3rd bedroom for storage, garage and space in the master bedroom, while the OP has very little anywhere. Giving into this means her husband will take over the child's space more and more. They deserve one space free of their Dad's things. Its likely this will get worse so this boundary is very important and I wouldn't let a single one of his items in that room ever.

You say calmly, every time we see friends or family from now on I’m gong to say to every single one of them that dh has a wardrobe in our room and uses two spare bedrooms and refuses to clear any out for the baby’s room,
then I will either leave it there so they can judge away, or I might add for the good friends ‘ so I’m telling you now so you understand if you hear a room in our house had a suspicious fire, as my baby is moving into their own lovely tidy room at the end of the year no matter what dh thinks.’

Don't leave it there, it'll just creep up slowly until that rooms full of his stuff too. He's got the attic, the 3rd bedroom, your shared bedroom and the garage with his stuff in them. The child deserves a room that is safe from his Dad's hoarding. I don't think you're really containing it OP, it's only contained because he still has space to hoard and he thinks his child's bedroom is fair game too. Once he's out of hidden space he'll start storing it in halls and corners of rooms until every room is full. He's already said when this house is full the solution will be buying a bigger place.

I agree with this

Honestly I'd draw a line and move his stuff out the room. If he doesn't like it he can leave.