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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for feedback from my date?

58 replies

Iaminthefly · 09/07/2024 18:00

Just recieved a polite "thanks but no thanks" after a date a few days ago. We are both female and I actually thought things were going well!

I'm honestly tempted to message her and ask if there's anything I can do to make myself more appealing. I know people say just be yourself but it's clearly not enough.

The last person I dated ghosted me after six months. I've been single six years since my husband left me. I'm starting to think I'm just unlovable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iaminthefly · 09/07/2024 18:15

@Evaka On the surface I have lots of confidence. I can talk to anyone etc.

I always ensure to ask my date lots of questions. I was making her laugh loads and it all seemed to be going really well.

It's hard not to feel unlovable when you keep getting rejected. It's getting to the point where I wonder if I've got some massive flaw I can't pin point!

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 09/07/2024 18:15

I'm really sorry this happened to you but it's ok for her to decide you're not for her. Maybe she just didn't feel it. This happened to me. I met a truly lovely man and we went on several absolutely brilliant dates but I just didn't get a spark from it at all. I really enjoyed his company but not romantically. He was really upset but it was nothing he did at all! Fortunately we've remained really great friends and he's now married and has a couple of kids, something that wouldn't have happened with me so it worked out fine.

Perhaps the next one to come along will be a better fit? I'd try and work on your confidence first and foremost. Don't ask this one for feedback, it just wasn't right for her. Good luck Flowers

DatingDinosaur · 09/07/2024 18:13

Iaminthefly · 09/07/2024 18:10

@Sprig1 I am being myself and it is not working!

I don't intend to develop a whole new personality. I'm just starting to wonder if I'm doing something off putting that I'm not even aware of!

It doesn't matter if you are. Re-frame it as a subconscious filter for those who are not right for YOU. Never be somebody you're not to try and attract/keep people. It's just not sustainable in the long term when you start 'being yourself' again and the person you're with wonders where the person they first started dating went.

Be yourself. Always.

Evaka · 09/07/2024 18:10

You poor thing. So sorry you feel unlovable. I wouldn't ask for feedback as you're unlikely to get something honest/useful, and will possibly be hurt. It's just chemistry a lot of the time. Work on your confidence instead?

Original poster
Iaminthefly · 09/07/2024 18:10

@Sprig1 I am being myself and it is not working!

I don't intend to develop a whole new personality. I'm just starting to wonder if I'm doing something off putting that I'm not even aware of!

OP posts:
Sprig1 · 09/07/2024 18:07

Another vote for don't do it. You just need to be yourself otherwise it will not work long term anyway.

Branleuse · 09/07/2024 18:07

No, don't do that

RivkaTheBold · 09/07/2024 18:06

Don't do it.

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