To ask for feedback from my date?

This is a good example of why people on here are wrong to say that everyone is perfect as they are and they will eventually meet the right person. Some people are great, but they haven’t noticed something about themselves that is off putting but could easily be fixed. The problem is few people are willing to tell someone what that thing is.

But it really isn’t helpful to believe that everyone is perfect.

I was once asked for feedback. The reason that I didn't want to date the guy was he had greasy hair and dirt under his finger nails. I am pretty sure he knew those points and didn't need me to suggest he washes. I just said I didn't feel we were compatible that's my point it mattered to me but won't to someone else. Honestly when I got a request for feedback I found it annoying.

Oh OP!
Dating is hard. But you either click with someone or you don’t. Don’t let it put you off!
One of my best friends dated 20 people via Tinder back in the day; the 21st she is now married to.

As long as you’re prepared for a negative response. And negative could be silence, blocking, a snarky response, or genuine feedback..:but keep in mind it’s just that one person’s opinion. You’d have to go on many dates and then turn it into a study whereby you ask for feedback and see what is commonly said. In the process you might find your ‘one’, you might find some serious problem that is fixable, or you might end up with your self esteem in tatters.

Ahh, yes, but you're not at work when you're dating so it's okay to be yourself. I'm confident in my job and utilised that in social settings to hide my nerves. Thus attracting the wrong people to me because they think I'm this outgoing, confident, ballsy person when, underneath, I'm actually a lot more introspective and introvert. I'm allowing this side of me out in public more

I know dating seems like interviewing for a job sometimes but if all you're giving off is a Professional Front then it could be offputting in a social/emotional setting... maybe food for thought?

OP I think your question is a good one and it’s really not true that everyone should just be themselves and they will eventually find someone who loves them exactly as they are.

Many people have aspects to themselves which are off putting to others and taking the attitude ‘I am what I am and fuck everyone else!’ is quite immature and anti social. For example, a good friend of mine who is gorgeous, charming and successful nevertheless sniffs loudly and constantly and sometimes wipes her nose on her sleeve apparently without thinking.

I am sure you don’t do that OP and you sound lovely, but I think it’s reasonable to ask if you are doing anything to put men off. The problem is, we don’t know because we haven’t met you,

OP, you sound very self aware so I'm sure you're not doing anything "wrong". I mean, you'd know if you were picking your teeth or saying fuck every other word! Don't ask for feedback, it will creep her out. There are so many women on this forum, and in real life, of all age groups who can't seem to find a partner. It's the way of the world at the moment. Society seems really fucked up to be honest.

I’m definitely ‘too much’ for some people - that’s ok! I’m 💯 myself from the get go as I won’t be changing who I am. I actually don’t think I am too much, but I know my mind, have boundaries and am successful in many ways so that can be intimidating for some people. It’s good to filter out people.
I date men and women, I definitely have women wanting a second date far more than I do, but that’s ok too. They haven’t done anything wrong, I just haven’t felt the attraction.

But it will for the right person!!!

imagine acting in a way not like yourself on the date. Goes well, start to go out. How do you then go back to being yourself again? Or do you stay as this persona forever?

I used to think like you, I really did. I was almost a pick me girl when I was younger.

when I met my husband i was completely and utterly myself and he loved me for it.

the right person will love you for you. Don’t settle for someone you have to change to impress!

No no no. No. Do not ask this. For every one person who thinks you are fantastic there will be another 10 who don’t find you appealing to date. It’s a completely useless exercise as it’s irrelevant – it does not matter what it is about you that does not appeal to these people. You are just you and you will attract some and not attract others.

When I was internet dating, there were heaps of people who clearly didn’t want to date me at all, but my (now) husband thought I was the most amazing person he’d ever met.

It's not a flippin job interview 😂

No don't do it .Sometimes you just don't have chemistry with someone, it doesn't mean you have done anything wrong.

Someone will like you for exactly who you are, you just haven't found that person yet!

What one person adores another would find unbearable.
I also think it’s down to subtle nuances which we find attractive.
Your date probably wasn’t feeling it with you.
Nothing you can do Tbh.
Better luck next time.

That's really frustrating. Could you get the perspective of a friend perhaps? If you're overbearing or whatever they might have a view because they know you well x

It doesnt matter if you are. Eventually someone will come along who loves those things. Thats who you want in your life.
Imagine oh I dont know, you inhale food while snorting loudly.
Your not aware of it. Trying to stop doing it is going to fail at some point.
Wait to meet the person who also inhales food while snorting or is enamoured by it.

I will add I'm full of cold and hungry, and literally shovelling food in whilst trying to breathe. Aka snorting. Partner hasn't left me yet.

"On the surface I have lots of confidence"

Interesting statement. "on the surface"... implies you're trying to be someone you're not. Fake it til you make it sort of thing. Maybe it comes across as TOO confident and people are intimidated by that. Which is fine if under the surface you have lots of confidence too...

Op it’s not a job interview. You can’t get feedback to improve your ‘performance’. It was a date, it didn’t work out. Unless you reeked of BO, or was unpleasant and offensive, or ordered the lobster and champagne, refused to split the bill and then vomited in her handbag, I think it’s safe to say the chemistry just isn’t there