Page 2 | Child party dilemma

Whistledown1005 · 2024-07-09T14:38:34+00:00

It's an awkward one. 2 parties on the same day. 1st invite was handed out a few weeks ago. This boy is friends with DS. However the party is an activity DS doesn't like and there are a couple people attending who are a bit mean to DS. 2nd party invite handed out yesterday. DS likes the party activity and gets on well with the girl. He would be the only boy attending though. He wants to go to the 2nd party. I had already said yes to the 1st party a week or so ago but DS does not want to go now the other invite has been handed out. What makes it awkward is I'm good friends with the 1st party child's mum. So I'm not sure on what to say to her? I don't want to be rude but how do I word it without offending her.

Gogogo12345 · 09/07/2024 17:13

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:50

I agree with the point of being a flaky parent but I don't think it's fair to make a child go to a party he doesn't want to go to. Especially if he's worried about other children there being mean to him.

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In that case surely you wouldn't accept the invitation in the first place

Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 17:13

AmiShitsaline · 09/07/2024 16:17

The mean boy might end up at the second party!

you can’t drop out of party 1, the poor child if a load of kids drop out in favour of party 2.

He's not been invited to party 2

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Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 17:12

UpUpUpU · 09/07/2024 16:00

When are the parties? If at least a week away if decline the first, giving your reasons stated here and attend the second.

if this weekend say, I think you’d need to suck it up.

It's not this weekend but next

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NewShoes · 09/07/2024 17:11

You say to her, ‘so sorry, DS would have loved that but we have a commitment that day.’

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2024 17:08

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:53

There's 1 particular child who is actually awful. The last party my DS went to this boy ruined the whole party by his behaviour. He charged at my DS and tried to push him over. This particular activity they are doing is also something highly competitive and I don't envisage it going well

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So why say yes?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2024 17:06

Newnamesameoldlurker · 09/07/2024 15:44

I think he has to go to the first party if you've rsvpd yes and he's been counted in numbers

But DS doesn't actually like the activity, sounds like Mom said yes because she's friendly with the other Mom not because DS wanted to really go.

Is it the same friendship group / class? Will your friend know this other invite came second?
If not I'd apologise and say you hadn't realised you'd double booked.
If she will, then I'd be honest and say given the two, he prefers X activity and is worried about some of the other children going to the first party but you're giving him his own choice and he's chosen the second one.

EmberAsh · 09/07/2024 16:51

If party invite number 2 had never come would he still be going to party 1 even though you're concerned about the people and activity. If the answer is yes (which I suspect it is), then you should commit to party 1.

Crunchymum · 09/07/2024 16:51

But if you said yes to Party A then a space for your DS has been paid for.

The party host has no idea that your DS doesn't like the activity or the kids.

If he doesn't want to go to party A, he wouldn't be going to party B instead.

Jobsworths · 09/07/2024 16:40

If you're good friends with mum 1 just explain DS has got upset that you RSVP without telling him and he actually doesn't like that activity and is worried about being bullied by the nasty boy. But I probably wouldn't let him go to the other party either and just take him somewhere else for the day.

VJBR · 09/07/2024 16:35

I remember people doing this to my kids. Accepting an invitation and then cancelling for a better offer. I thought it was bloody rude and they were never invited again.

DinnaeFashYersel · 09/07/2024 16:27

You go to the party that you've already rsvp'd to.

To drop out would be very rude.

AmiShitsaline · 09/07/2024 16:17

The mean boy might end up at the second party!

you can’t drop out of party 1, the poor child if a load of kids drop out in favour of party 2.

Normandy144 · 09/07/2024 16:03

It's unfortunate but a bit of a life lesson. It's often a good idea to let party invites mellow for a few days before RSVP'ing especially if the child is unsure. Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing. In this instance though as the original invite has been accepted I would still attend the first party. You could suggest to parent of the girl that you could have her over for a playdate or take them out for a treat instead? That way he gets to spend time with her to celebrate her birthday and is a good compromise.

UpUpUpU · 09/07/2024 16:00

When are the parties? If at least a week away if decline the first, giving your reasons stated here and attend the second.

if this weekend say, I think you’d need to suck it up.

Wendysfriend · 09/07/2024 15:57

Personally I find it strange to accept a party invite to an activity your child doesn't like and especially with kids that are mean to him.

I get he's friends with the child and you friends with the mother, but if the kids are mean to him I couldn't put him through that. There's nothing to be learned from being bullied.

If it were me I wouldn't go to any and take your ds out for the day yourself, then arrange with your friend an afternoon with the two boys, maybe cinema or something they enjoy to celebrate the birthday.

Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:56

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:54

@SpikeyDee so never in your life have you changed your mind for a more preferred option?

I know I have changed my mind of events etc in the past

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craigth162 · 09/07/2024 15:56

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:53

There's 1 particular child who is actually awful. The last party my DS went to this boy ruined the whole party by his behaviour. He charged at my DS and tried to push him over. This particular activity they are doing is also something highly competitive and I don't envisage it going well

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You are trying to make excuses why its now ok to say no. It isnt. Its rude. If he didnt want to go should have said no from start.

Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:55

SpikeyDee · 09/07/2024 15:50

Except he was quite happy to go as they RSVP yes. If he had always said no the first one that would be different.

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I had no rsvp as was unsure about the activity and children as I knew DS would not be very keen and I had mentioned it to DS in passing about the party he said a casual yea. Then the friend approached me and asked and I just said yea as felt on the spot

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pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:54

@SpikeyDee so never in your life have you changed your mind for a more preferred option?

Halfemptyhalfling · 09/07/2024 15:54

Would the first boy be upset if your ds doesn't go? Or will he not really be missed? If the latter and you are good friends with the mum, perhaps say to the mum "ds is not keen on (activity) we were thinking it might be nice if X came to play/ or we go for an outing instead."

WiseBiscuit · 09/07/2024 15:53

If he was happy to go to the activity he doesn’t like with kids he doesn’t like to start with then he doesn’t get to change his mind.

It’s a good life lesson.

Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

There's 1 particular child who is actually awful. The last party my DS went to this boy ruined the whole party by his behaviour. He charged at my DS and tried to push him over. This particular activity they are doing is also something highly competitive and I don't envisage it going well

OP posts:

Original poster

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:51

Homesweethome23 · 09/07/2024 15:47

Did your son know you had replied yes to the first invite when it was activity he didn’t like and with kids he wasn’t keen on?

Yea he knew

OP posts:

SpikeyDee · 09/07/2024 15:50

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:50

I agree with the point of being a flaky parent but I don't think it's fair to make a child go to a party he doesn't want to go to. Especially if he's worried about other children there being mean to him.

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Except he was quite happy to go as they RSVP yes. If he had always said no the first one that would be different.

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:50

NevergonnagiveHughup · 09/07/2024 15:46

Here’s where you give DS a life lesson.

You’ve accepted party A, so suck it up.

Don’t be one of those flaky parents who bails at the sign of a better offer - and you OP then tries to justify it.

I agree with the point of being a flaky parent but I don't think it's fair to make a child go to a party he doesn't want to go to. Especially if he's worried about other children there being mean to him.