Mum friend too much

She sounds completely unaware of normal boundaries and behaviour, and that's not your problem.

Don't reply further op. Block her on all your socials when you unfriend so she can't see your updates, when you're online, try to re-add you etc, and just don't reach out again. Keep it no contact at all.

Deleted as seen your update.

Agree! Definitely block her from socials if you can. It’s obvious from her response that she still doesn’t really think she’s done anything wrong.

Ignore her response - she's just trying to guilt trip you - it's what they do unfortunately.

I'd just delete her number and carry on with life.

Yes return everything you want to. Just drop it on the doorstep.

You need to blunt but not too blunt.

After you've returned the items I'd send a message saying 'I've returned xyx to your doorstep, please don't drop anything in future I'm feeling a uncomfortable with it.

She doesn’t seem to realise her actions are obsessive and over-the-top (harassment?). I don’t know anyone who messages constantly, leaves long answerphone messages, texts continually etc.

wWell done in sending the message and staying strong.

So...she's effectively guilt tripped you and made it all about her feelings?

The stuff in the bag isn't even for the baby is it? So she would (and might still) most likely be coming round with another gift for baby, seeing as she seems to enjoy leaving you parcels...

Don't take the bait. Block her on social media
so she can't see pictures/updates of you and the kids.

Ah op, well done, you've done the right thing. I think unfortunately some people can't help but to put on to others. She would fall back into old patterns. You're best to keep her at a distance, I wouldn't reply either.

That's a positive step but don't forget you should take her off your socials too - block or mute her on whatever sm you have her on.

Your DH is a good egg to drop off the stuff back at her place.

Time to let out a huge sigh of relief at this point. You don't need to worry about her for the foreseeable and hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

You have to, I cut off what I thought was a friend of 10 years, she had been using me as a personal therapist the entire time. I realised when she only spoke to me when she thought her life wasn't going well (which was a lot). She always came to my house, brought her child, left loads of mess when I was pregnant with my second dc, used tissue on floor, toys out etc, and didn't once get up off her bum. I ran around pregnant bringing in coffee and cake, lunch for her kid who was full of cold), while she used my place as soft play, and to entertain her dc who wasn't in nursery yet.

She never invited us to hers. Her whole family said she was selfish, and she would cancel last minute on you, wasting my time. After having dc2, and alot to deal with in my own life, I cut her off, realising what a mug I had been all of these years!

Yes, Ive known similar and I knew the reason and realised I wasnt qualified to help. My ' friend' was mistreated as a child and it must have affected her. Her behaviour was bizarre and so I froze her out because it seemed to me that she continued to allow the SO in her life to continue the mistreatment. You have to its so draining emotionally.

I know somebody like this. I think it happens usually when people are lonely due to a bad marriage/dh working a lot, or don't have a lot of other social activities/family days out etc.

The person I know is lovely, but has a lot more free time than I do for play dates, even though she makes out she has loads to do.

We tend to go out a lot as a family, and my sen child keeps me busy, I don't have childcare like she does, and dd can play with her sister. Nerodiverse dd won't come on the play date, so it's awkward. They're close in age, so they can play with each other now, finally. It isn't worth walking all of the way to a soft play that benefits where she lives, and isn't where I am, there's closer places, but apparently it is around the corner from me also!

I feel a bit used, as her dcs aren't at an age where they can fully entertain each other yet. I'm sure if she was in my situation, she wouldn't be suggesting it. I have been polite and given genuine reasons, but I can tell she takes offence. I can maybe do something in the summer hols, but she'll suggest it when there is only one week off, and on every school holiday, even after school. That would be a logistical nightmare for us, couldn't do it, have dinner to prep, NT dd etc. It's like she thinks dh can just leave work, she knows I have no child care. Dd doesn't want to go either, as tired after school, and won't walk all of that way. I wouldn't have time to make dinner, her garden is next door, and she is entertaining her dcs before dinner at my expense.

When dh gets time off work we go out as a family, and take advantage of thay time together. As I am getting older I'm realising you can't please everybody, and have to do what suits you; they certainly do!

OP before your DH returns the "gifts", you should take pictures of them in case you need them.

Don't delete any messages from her yet.

She's not your friend, she's harassing you and she may continue to. You should keep some "evidence" in case you need to go to the police.

You don't have to put up with this. Hope you manage to get rid of her and she doesn't bother you any further.

Thats quite a bag, and alot of stuff!

That gift bag was bizarre OP!

As a PP said, this is about her needs and nothing to do with you. She’s doing the gift version of hammering on the door, insisting she be let in.

Well done for writing the text.

Same. I’m very much a loner who was trapped in a situation for years with a grasping, needy pest. It was torture. Had to go NC because meeting up for drinks/a night out a few times a year wouldn’t have been good enough. It would have been a constant bombardment of her shit whilst acknowledging nothing whatsoever about me. For the sake of my mental well-being I had to bin x

This behaviour is bordering on harassment/stalking.

You need to text her and tell her that you do not want her coming to your house and leaving unwanted stuff and that you will be returning the stuff.
I suggest you just leave the stuff on her doorstep.

You also need to tell her that you have no time to give to this relationship and no longer want any calls or messages from her and that it was nice knowing her.

You need to be explicit in this request as she does sound a little unhinged and this may become a police matter and the texts will become evidence.

The trouble with that kind of message is that the only parts of it that will actually sink in with her are “Thanks for the kind thoughtful gift” and “I’ll be in touch.”

This woman isn’t just an over-enthusiastic friend. She’s obsessive and her behaviour is now more akin to harassment. She has already been kindly told to back off a bit and she’s ignored that. At this stage the OP has to be very clear and blunt. No thank yous, no calling her kind and thoughtful, no vague notions of staying in touch.

When people are being stalked or pestered, the very first thing the police will say is “Have you told them clearly that you don’t want them to contact you again?” and “Have you blocked them?” That’s partly because people who are obsessive and stalky will always tell themselves that what they’re doing is OK because “If they didn’t want to see me they wouldn’t have said they’d be in touch” and “They haven’t blocked me so they must want to stay friends”. It’s also because, if it escalates, the police can’t prove it’s harassment/stalking unless the victim has taken very clear and unambiguous steps to tell the harasser that they don’t want any contact with them ever again.

OP, I think it’s pretty obvious that this woman is completely obsessed with you and that you absolutely ARE going to have to say ‘Please leave me alone’.

I know people are saying “Tell you’re just a bit busy and that you’d like a break for a bit” but that is not going to work with her. You need to put an end to this friendship, very clearly, and for good. It’s not healthy at all.

D ex f
Hi
I'm confused why you've dropped a bag off this morning. It's nobodies birthday..? I have been meaning to message you tbh but have been struggling to find the right words. I feel our friendship has come to an end. I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the relationship and I'm sure you've been able to feel me pulling away. X amount of texts a day/week plus x minutes of voicemails is stressful to receive. I asked a while ago if this can stop and sadly it stopped for a few days and is now more than it's ever been. I wish you and your family well but I'm going to have to bring this friendship to an end. I realise this will be upsetting but there is no way around that sadly. From here I won't be replying to any texts, emails or voicemails, nor do I want gifts dropping off. Again I wish you all well.

Either block on social media, or restrict her viewing. Don't answer the door without checking. If she continues the texts send a final. 'I'm now considering this to be harassment, any further messages will be reported to the police'

There is no way out of this without upsetting her sadly but she is being a pest on purpose because you'll feel guilty and let her back in.

She sounds very insecure and desperate to keep you as a friend so she's gone into overdrive. That's not your problem though, if you're finding it hard to cope with. I think you have 2 options. Outright say something, with the likelihood being that that will be the end of the friendship. Or fade her out gradually. Ignore her sometimes, keep your messages brief and don't make a big deal of her giving you stuff. If it were me I'd say I was busy the next few times she was wanting to meet and don't open some of her messages. Most people will get the picture and back off a bit.

If it were me, I'd see her in person and give her back the items. Go with a strong person - you know the sort of person I mean, maybe you have a straight talking sister or someone. Maybe even your husband.

To her face, tell her you're finding things too much and you need to take a break.

She'll be astonished and embarrassed in front of the 3rd person and it'll shock her into backing off. Hopefully. And you'll be more likely to stand your ground.

Do not accept the gift bag. Put the plates and crockery in a bag outside on your step beside the gift bag. Text her this:

This is a really hard message to write because I really enjoyed our friendship initially. However I have asked to give me some more space but you seem to be finding that difficult. I don't really appreciate you leaving things like food and gifts on my doorstep, even though I know you think that is is being kind - it is overwhelming me and giving me more things to sort out/deal with when I am trying to declutter, spend time with my family and relax. Please can you give me and my family some space whilst I prepare for the arrival of my baby. I have to tell you that I am a low-maintenance friendship kind of person and am used to having friends that don't feel the need to have constant messages and interactions. I would be really glad if you could accept and respect this.