Husband doesn't want to see my mum

To answer your actual question OP, I do think your husband has a point here and you should take account of his wishes. He’s not being unreasonable.

It gives you a difficult situation to manage but it should be doable with a combination of homework-type excuses, your DH dropping you off and coming back later and seeing them at weekends etc.

Maybe it is just too much. My Il and my own DM&DP are all lovely but i do not want to spend '2 hours every week' eating dinner with them on my way home from work. I am busy, I am tired, I have been at work, I have stuff to do when I get home. Maybe the 'nitpicking' is just an excuse for what it a chunk of down time each week that he wants to spend at home.
You describe what sounds like a toxic environment and then defend it but even if it was the happiest place on earth it might just be that he has had enough. Going to your own parents house is not the same emotional and joyful experience for your DH as it is for you. Maybe its become a chore at the end of a day of daily grind.
Compromise is key in this situation

People are allowed to have an opinion OP. I grew up with bickering, nit picky grandparents and all of my early memories of them are of them either criticising me, my siblings or my parents or arguing with each other about stupid shit. You might not think it's a harmful environment but it can be, and people are allowed to point that out. It's an open forum.

My husband absolutely loves my mam and dad and we still only have dinner with them a couple of times a month, I think your husband has been an excellent sport putting up with this once a week for years. You need to find a compromise here.

As is often said on threads where men are bending over backwards to keep their mother's happy - why would you rather upset your spouse and life partner than your mother?

Can't you just pick up the kids on your own and eat there? And say your husband is now working late those days or something?

All I know is every adult around them has gone low or no contact that tells us all we need to know about this 'bickering' and 'nit picking'.

People do not stop spending time with their own parents over a bit of light bickering. They just don't.

Your poor dh clearly does not like them, he probably hates having to rely on them for his kids. At best they must be so annoying, at worst absolutely toxic.

Op came here to hear he was being unreasonable, and we told her the truth, now she is closing the thread because it was the wrong answer....

Social services optional 😂

Sorry, WHAT?

He's an adult. WHO made you the arbiter?

One of my childhood memories of my grandparents is having a cut and needing cream and a plaster and them arguing over whether the yellow packaged pink germolene of my grandads should be used over the more well known pink packaged white version of my Nans because like everything they possibly could they had separated versions
i still loved them though! And I look back and laugh

This.

The common denominator is your parents. You seem to be the only one enabling them.

Team DH.

😂

Why do you think that is in anyway good for your kids is beyond me, but anyway your choice.

Op you sound tiring and I am feeling sorry for your dh.

It is important to not idolise your parents though, and to see them clearly for what they are, and it might be that it is harmful for your dc to listen to the arguing.

I can see why your husband finds the bickering very tiring because it is. My parents are the same, both retired

Mum - We went on that new road by the school on Tuesday, and on the way there...
Dad - No it was Wednesday
Mum - No it was Tuesday
Dad - No it was Wednesday, we saw Mrs Smith after we walked the dog
Mum - No that was Tuesday, we saw Mrs Smith then went into the Coop
Dad - No it was Wednesday, we didnt go into the Coop on Tuesday
Mum - Yes we did it was Tuesday

and so on, but voices get louder and i am sat there thinking "Just get to the point of the story, does it really fucking matter what day it was on?" They can even argue about what road they drove down. Both as bad as each other.

It puts me off going round or when one starts a story I am just waiting for the other one to butt in and contradict. I know DP finds it uncomfortable when they start.

Maybe drop down to once a fortnight for dinner or let DH go home.

hhow do you know theyre not like that when youre not there youre not psyhic

My DD loves her grandpa, but still feels uncomfortable around him because of his 'jokes' and his dismissive behaviour. You can love people that hurt you and young kids are even more likely to do that. Im not saying they're harming your DC, but I am saying that you can't assume things are ok because they love them and want to see them. It doesn't mean this behaviour isn't impacting them.

You need to separate the childcare from the social time. Pick up and go on a weekday but make an effort to spend time with them at the weekend, ideally you going to theirs so your husband doesn’t find the problem transferred to his own home.

You’ve been making some big assumptions about how involved your husband wants to be in your family. He owes them some of his time as your weekends away together are down to them providing childcare, but that doesn’t mean he has to be fully absorbed into your family dynamic. I also think that you’re lucky he has decided to duck out of the family dinners rather than vocalise his feelings directly to them, which he would be perfectly entitled to do.