to think that in a functional household....

I let mine get on with it when they were teens.. all part of growing up

I could have written your post. I'm a Spaniard and grew up having breakfast with my stepmom (and my father on weekends). My father's job started very early on weekdays but mom always waked me up and had breakfast ready. Maybe it's cultural but DH and I did the same with our boys (adults today), work permitting. My 2 youngest still visit on weekends regularly, and we still love to wake them up (even at 11am) to have brunch 🤗

It's just nice having breakfast together.

Hi OP, what you describe sounds normal to me and comes with parenting

While a parent lies in bed. It's little wonder so many teenagers go off the rails.

Ya fair enough! DS is only 2 so I will see what he's like by that age.

Unless driving said child(ren), then no, responsibility to get ones self to school on time rests solely with child.

As a lifelong night owl, at 15 I would much rather a parent who I could bond with over games to one who faffed about in the morning playing DisneyMom when I just wanted to be off to school with minimum fuss. Neither particularly a sign of major domestic dysfunction though, so your title is BS.

High school age children??

No, YABU. They're not babies.

Jesus! Seriously, it's no wonder so many young people have no idea about how to act in the workplace. I wonder if she was in the interview with him too.

'Fend for herself'? Shower. Dress. Breakfast. It's not like she's surviving on her own in a war zone!

I think he is being a terrible example:

1. Gaming so much in the first place
2. Not getting up and keeping dc company in the mornings.

I wouldn't stand for it, no.

I've known primary school aged children (not all) around 8,9,10 who become practically feral when left to fend for themselves in the morning. Arriving to school with unkempt hair, teeth not brushed, hungry after throwing cereal in a bowl then leaving it, not remembering sports kit, no coat on in bad weather, the list goes on. If you are available & not having to rush out for work, or you wfh, lying in bed when children are up geting ready shouldn't be an option.

No one would ever have got to School at all if I hadnt have been up to wake them! I was the same as a child as well,A little black and white cat used to stop by sometimes for a fuss ,Mum used to pretend he was there even if he wasnt sometimes just to get me up! I think its nice to do if you can

It's only lovely if everyone wants it.
Neither of my teens ate breakfast and DS used to stay in bed until 15 minutes before school (school was 15 minutes walk away :) ) and would not have taken kindly to having to get up any earlier. Not to mention that I'm not a morning person and don't really want to make more conversation than strictly necessary after I've just got out of bed.

Is OP's DD happy with the current arrangement? Or does she feel unloved or unsupported? That's all that's important here.

You aren’t wrong. We don’t “need” to be up for the kids either as they can take care of themselves but it’s about making an effort to start the day properly and show the kids you are there for them and invested in their lives.

I always got up before my mum (my dad was already at work) as a teen and got my self ready without even really seeing them as I’d want time to do my hair and makeup before school. Never harmed me as such, but I do think that amongst other things lead to a feeling of my parents not caring at all about my life or schooling.

DD wants to be left alone in the mornings and is perfectly capable of getting herself up and ready. I am often out jogging or swimming by 7am and not back until after she leaves at 7.40. I do poke my head in and say morning before I go but don’t feel like a crap parent because of it, she is 13. I don’t see exercise and morally superior to sleep. DH works shifts so if often asleep when we are up and around.

Think there is a setting an example element to being up every morning with youngsters. If they have to be getting up for school at a regular time each day, parents should too (unless there is a genuine reason not to).
Also good just to check in with a child first thing.....
My parents were always up and about with us (had to drop us at bus stops anyway!) but would ideally always do same for my children.
Feel sad for your DD that father thinks so little of her that he's not making sure he's up in time to see her in the mornings. Particularly as she is only with her part time!

In this situation he should be up. Not because she needs help, but because he already has limited time with her, and you would think he would want to maximise it.

I have to be up to drop my DC at the bus stop for school/college.

And before anyone accuses me of mollycoddling, the bus stop is over a mile away, no pavements and 60mph road.
I also have to drop the 15yr old at work - rural, no public transport.

I am assuming that very few pps live in the back of beyond like we do!

I lodged in a house before the pandemic until very recently. When I moved in the daughter was in primary school Yr 5, I was really shocked that her mum did not make her breakfast or go into her room to wake her up in the morning... so I slid into that role. On her first day at secondary school, I taught her how to tie her tie, took the pics of her in her uniform and made sure there were treats in her lunch box. I was the one who organised Advent calendars, Easter Eggs, birthday/Christma cards for family and hopefully set up little traditions she might do in time with her own kids.

I was really saddened that they rarely ate together or seemed to chat about their days, but I did discover that no one had done this for my landlady which made me feel so sorry for her. I moved out at the end of the pandemic and I still worry about them.

A 15 year old can definitely sort themselves out in the morning!

I'm usually awake but still in bed when my 13 year old leaves for school.

Well, let's say, when we were at high school (in another country, in another time), nobody
was "on hand to help", even when we might be feeling unwell, and we (45 yolds now) managed just fine.
😂❄️❄️❄️

Two mid teens, who love one or both of us being up with them in the morning. I set my alarm first (6.30am), make sure both are awake and moving by 6.45am (one is very slow to wake, other bounces out of bed with their alarm and doesn't need prodding). DH and I take vague turns being down first to make tea and toast. Whoever stays in bed gets brought a cup of tea.

One child has a packed lunch, and I make that. The other, thank goodness, is on school dinners.

Kiss them both off at the door.

I do value the time with them in the morning, but I can't WAIT for the holidays!

That is honestly so lovely! I want to be that sort of parent

I'm a long way off this stage but I think I will get up with DS's not to do things for them but just to see they're OK headed off to school.

I think it's nice to check in with them before school.