to think that in a functional household....

I enjoy being up before the children and to assist them with things, even if they are capable of doing it themselves. I like the morning chit chat with them and to say goodbye properly before they set off for the day. I just can't imagine sleeping in and not having that communication and social contact with them in the mornings. My son's friend (12) is quite often left to fend for himself in the morning and as a result quite often misses his bus. Some mornings his parents are out at work before he needs to get up which can't be helped but a lot of the time they are asleep and have no clue about whether their son is up and ready or not. I think its really sad and I'm afraid I do judge them!

Even if the child is perfectly capable and an older teen - I think it’s really nice for them to see a friendly face in the morning and know that someone cares enough them to get out of bed and just ‘be around’ ... even if they don’t actually speak.

I had a thread a while back asking if it was ok for me to step back and stop monitoring every aspect of my 15yos morning now she's in yr 10.

I used to make myself get up, get her up, make her breakfast, chivvy her through her morning and do everything for her.

MN opinion was to back off and let her get on with it.. so i did.

Now on this thread, apparently i'm neglectful, lazy, and ruining my relationship with her.

go figure.

From your update you aren't in a position to make changes to his household, so you can't really worry about it. I think it's a bit rubbish myself because he is choosing to do that, especially every night, but your DD will remember him not being around for her, so he's only hurting his own relationship with her by prioritising other things.

Don't give it any headspace.

I’ve always been up for my dc to see them off or give lifts etc and then gone on my way to work.
h however wouldn’t even think about it once they were at secondary school. He doesn’t drive so wouldn’t be offering lifts either.

Honestly I think part of teaching independence is kids getting themselves organised. My 13yo is completely capable of getting themselves up and out the door on time. Uniforms and bags are organised the night before by them. The time to tell me you’ve lost your tie is not 5 minutes before you are due to leave. I’m up and about as I have primary kids/ off to work myself but high schoolers shouldn’t need “overseeing” imo.

At 15 she's old enough to get herself sorted out.

I guess for me it depends on what time the parent goes to bed and what time they do get up. Gaming every night can't be good for other family members/health..

One of mine gets out of bed at exactly 6.10am each school.day to regulate themselves. They get their own breakfast and read/watch their fav cartoons.

I am not getting up at 6.10 every morning. I get up between 6.45 - 7.15am Not due to gaming through the night.

They can wake me up if they need me.

It's a poor example if you're in bed all day, everyday and nothing gets done yes.

Not getting up before 8 when your child goes to bed isn't lazy parenting at all - all of the other things you mentioned are valid yes(in certain circumstances) getting out of bed at the crack of dawn doesn't make you a better parent.

The same parents that can't be bothered to get up, are often the same ones that don't care about grades, nutrition, bed times, sleep hygiene, screen time, school attendance, completed homework, support with issues across the board. Being there as a parent of a teen can be imperative and parenting is still really very much needed.

It is not optional. In my view and indicates a culture of indifference, in my experience. I would not want that for my teens op, so I agree with you.

She is 15 so it’s completely fine.

We are very chatty sociable folk but none of us are morning people, we rarely speak, can't shut us up rest of the time. My Mother was chirpy in the morning and fuck me I hated it. That’s a resurfaced memory this morning.

She's 15, nearly an adult.

She doesn't need to see you. What you do is is nice and good for your relationship with her.

However her father will lose later as she won't have that relationship with him. She will remember he didn't get up.

I’m a morning person any way. But I’d always get up make sure everything is ok. Just to see them off.

Another perspective to this - at 16 (so a year older than OP's DD) my DS chose to do a before school job a couple of days a week where he started at 6.15am and then went straight to school. Was it lazy/"non-functional" parenting not to get up, make him eat breakfast and say goodbye pre 6am, when I wouldn't otherwise get up until 7am? (Note - if there had been any expectation of me having to do this, I would have told him he couldn't do the job).

I’m up and out before DC get up somtimes.

Honestly. no.

We compromise. I'm disabled and getting up can be a painful challenge some days.

My alarm goes off, I call her to get her out of bed, my 15yo then gets herself up/fed/washed/dressed. Then i can take my time to get me up and dressed, sort her lunch and be ready to drive her to school. I use that driving time to check in/have a morning chat..etc.

She can also come into me at any point during the morning if there is an issue.

Lazing around in bed is a poor example. Yes. Unless you are disabled, ill or working night shifts.
As a base line, keeping your children company, asking them how they are in the mornings, setting them up for the day with some interest in their life is basic parenting in my view.

They will come to see a parent is someone that doesn't bother to get out of bed. Do you work? Do you contribute to society? Are you switched on and interested in the world around you? Are you ensuring they are cared about? Teens need more guidance in life, not less.

At high school they should be responsible for doing much of it themselves if not all. Having said that I'd still make sure I was up to make sure they leave on time. My children are 8 + 11 and they get up before us - they're early risers and up by 6.30 so they do their own breakfast . I don't get up until 7.30. It still gives us plenty of time to make sure everything is done.

How is it lazy parenting? don’t parents have enough to worry about as well as now making sure we’re awake to sit and watch a teenager eat their breakfast?
I believe it’s extremely beneficial for them to be independent and get themselves ready - surely if they need something they know they can come and ask for it? We’re not talking about primary school kids here - these are secondary school kids? I can’t believe we are back in the 50’s where some people think mums should be up at 5 cleaning the windows with a face full of makeup and bread baking in the oven

It is lazy parenting to stay in bed, and a very poor example unless you are working night shifts.

Im up before my DC, but they get themselves up and ready, pack their bags with whatever is needed. I make breakfast on school days and they can make their own on weekends (their school starts at 8.10am) I sometimes drive them to school (bad weather) and sometimes they walk with friends. I didn't think this was unusual.

My 14 year old doesn't need me but I am usually up before her regardless. I like to eat breakfast with all my kids, we usually put some music on or listen to the radio together, I can check in in case they've forgotten anything.

I am also out of the house for work until about 4.45 for 4 days a week so I value the time with them! They usually get up before me at the weekend but I have the day to spend together.

My kids find me annoying if I’m there when they’re trying to get ready for school. I’m there to chat to when they get home.
When they were younger and needed help obviously I was there

I always get up when my DD is getting ready for school. I work from home so don't need to be awake until later than her but I wouldn't dream of sleeping while she got up alone.

She's 13 and doesn't need me to do anything for her although I do generally do her some toast while she gets dressed, simply to be helpful and help the morning go smoothly. It helps avoid a rush.

We generally have a little chat about what subjects she has that day, what everyone is doing after school etc. I thought that was pretty basic parenting. My mum did the same for me when I was at school.

But this is a 15 year old, not an 8 or 10 year old.