to think that in a functional household....

My DC don't eat in the morning.
If they communicate at that time of day, it is mainly via grunts.
If they don't have everything they need there is no point telling me 5 minutes before they have to go to school as I won't be able to do anything about it (we established by mid primary that they needed to tell me about stuff the night before at latest).

I'm sure some families all sit down and have breakfast together and have rewarding conversations about their day and what's going on in current affairs. I have a different sort of family. If I insisted on this, there would be a mutiny.

Have you ever met a teenager?

I didn't want to engage with my parents at all first thing in the morning - I wanted to sleep as late as possible, get ready in silence and leave as late for the bus as I could without missing it, lol.

Getting up to speak to your kids at 7am doesn't make you a superior person to someone who does the same thing in the evenings.

But surely you want to see your own kids, check how they are? Make sure they have eaten? Slept well? Have everything they need?

No, okay then. It is just me.

I think it’s important to be present, regardless of age.

Even dh and I will make sure we are up if one of us has early start or travel. Dh had taxi collect him at 7am last week for a work trip a few days. Ds and I don’t technically need to be up until 7/ 7.30am for nursery and work, but I still got up at 6.30am to make us both a tea, and chat 20mins before he left. No physically he is fine if I stayed in bed, He can get ready obviously and leave himself. I just think it’s nice someone makes 20mins time to say morning, check if there’s anything we needed to be reminded of that happening later, ask his plans. Ds was awake just in time for kiss and bye.
Dh would do the same for me if I’m off early for work or an appointment or something.

My Ds is only pre school age. As a teen I imagine we will still do the same. One of us will probably have to drive him to bus anyway

Oh.. we're into the "everyone not getting up at 6 am and going to bed at 10pm is a lazy waste of air" mode now are we.

God forbid someone have a different wake/sleep schedule.

If left to my own devices my body clock prefers to wake up about 9.30, and go to sleep about 1am.

If i WFH, and didn't need to be up at 8 to drive DD to school, there's no way i'd be awake at 7.15 voluntarily.

Funnily enough, i still manage to run a functioning household during the 6wk summer break when none of us are up before 9.30am. Everyone still eats, work gets done, chores get finished, outings are still had.

7am would have been pretty blissful for most of DS's younger years (5am waker).

And in the context of this thread, too late to see him for the years he was out at work before school.

Once you become a parent, you must be up at 7am every day until they turn 18. Did you not read that in the handbook? 😁

Can you genuinely not think of any other reasons?

Working late shifts.
Working weekends (with days off in the week)
Having a weather dependent job.
Working part-time.
Working a job with no set hours.
Working from home.
Or, shock horror, not working at all.

Why is it confusing that people don't get up earlier than they need to in the morning?

Is there a prescribed time that everyone must get up?

I am abit confused as to why people are lying in bed mid week in the first place if they are not disabled or have night shifts?

We are not talking 5am starts here.

Well, I was getting up and getting myself breakfast in front of the TV from the age of about five, but I'm sure that would be frowned upon by many

Obviously my parents would be up to get me sorted for school, but once I was making my own way to school (from 11) they certainly didn't need to hover over me or see me out of the door.

Of course it does, but OP's child is 15 - she really shouldn't need an adult to supervise her getting ready for school. If a parent wants to be up and about, that's different, but it's not a necessity.

Exactly.

Not being 'bothered' to get up in the morning, and letting her have some independence to get herself up, make her own breakfast, get herself dressed and ready for when we have to leave (i still have to drive but leave her to it in the morning without interfering while i get my disabled self up and ready carefully) doesn't translate to 'not bothered' about the rest of it.

Some parents aren't morning people, some make a conscious choice to allow the child some independence as vital time for teaching them time management.

Assuming X means Y like some black and white thing is judgey and disingenuous.

I am glad I made your day 😊

A conversation is what most people would have if they felt something could be improved, as a starting point maybe?! I mean given we are all adults, maybe she could point out he isn't the best example to his dc, check he isn't depressed etc. Otherwise give the option to the dc to stay at home. They are teenagers and don't have to be anywhere that is miserable for them.

Age six I was the first person in the household to get up to get to school 15 miles away. Both my parents worked.

Children get used to different ways of doing things in different places.

As for
making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

At 15 I very much step back from doing all this. I'm on to my 3rd 15 year old and have found out the more I do, they less they do. And if one day they don't have something they need or forget to bring something to school it is my fault for it not being available. Definitely need to start doing less for them at that age.

Your exH will be the type of parent he is. You'll be the type of parent you are, and your DD will have her own individual relationship with both of you.

It's not about being capable, I think people are agreed that secondary school kids should and can get themselves up and out in the morning.
It's about whether it's a good thing to do if you are able to (ie. not out at work).

In households where the youngster would benefit (in whatever way) from their parent being up to see them off to school, most people agree that the parent being asleep in bed is a bit poor.

She’s 15, not 5. She’s capable of getting on with it herself.

YABU.

Or you're saying that despite caring about all those issues, your child still has problems with attendance, homework etc.
Yes, I think that's it. But I think a child with SEN (by definition) can pose challenges in all the areas you describe DESPITE the most attentive of parents.

"Can't be bothered" indicates an uncaring attitude.
Thus not bothering to get up would also go along side not being bothered about other aspects of your child's welfare.

But I think you're saying that isn't the case.

Apologies if I have completely misunderstood, you'd be able to explain in person, I'm sure.

I definitely think it's nice for the DC for a parent to be up to have a chat in the morning, say goodbye etc..

My year 7 DS is pretty organised usually, and I don't need to do much, but I couldn't imagine staying in bed while he sees himself out the door. I also want to make sure he actually eats something vaguely nutritious before school.

What exactly do you think that the OP can do about it? You say you wouldn’t stand for it but she can’t dictate what the ex does in his own home, it isn’t unsafe or neglectful parenting(if the 15 year old was 5 then yes it would be), the teen is seemingly happy enough or she wouldn’t go(she is of an age where she can decide). If you’d bothered to read the OP you would see that the ex isn’t languishing around all day, he works from home so presumably gets up and ready to start work on time.

Your dramatic posts have made me laugh though, so thanks for that on a rainy Tuesday.

So after your own thread you've gone from monitoring every aspect of your 15 year olds morning and literally doing everything for her and now you're letting her sort herself out, but it still bothers you what people think of that?

I don't understand why people do this on here, try to swear blind that if you're not one end of the scale then you MUST be the other, and try to insist you're either a helicopter/martyr/1950s parent and if you're not you must be lazy, neglectful and ruining your relationship?

Has all common sense gone out of the window? There are literally millions of families that are quite happily somewhere in the middle of these two preposterous examples, but in regards to this specific example where there is no disability or work interfering with the morning routine, then you just have to do what you think is right as a parent, once the kids are grown up, are you going to regret choosing to stay up late gaming and not being up to see them off every day? Or will it not bother you in the slightest and you feel that you've set them up for independence in the future? or are you somewhere in the middle of that? IMO there's nothing wrong with considering and reflecting on what you do now from time to time to make sure it's not something you will come to regret in the future, but only you as a parent can answer that question.

It is not ‘pandering’ to be present and awake in the same house your children live in, modeling a functional family. I don’t think you have to actually do a single thing for teens in the morning but most school mornings a parent is ideally awake, saying good morning! Good luck on the test, see you after training. That is just being a parent not pandering, unless you also think cuddling my 2yo is pandering.

(This is the dream however know I will be shouting after my teens could you for once remember to empty the dishwasher?!)

I am surprised so many do appear to be languishing in bed as their diligent teens press on every day. What are the school holidays for if it is not to enjoy the odd lie in if we are not working?! Or perhaps very few are working and that is the issue. That is a whole separate thread.

It is a lonely feeling being by yourself in the morning (my parents worked, which is fair enough) I would have been felt annoyed if they were just lying around all day, and think a lot less of them and find it hard to respect them.

I would have still done well at school, as I did that for myself, no thanks to them to be honest. Parents can't moan that they don't have a relationship with their dc when they do absolutely nothing to foster one. Evenings I would hope most teens will be busy doing sports, doing homework and sorting out their lunches and bags for the next day - it leaves pressure little time for much contact.

I am team op on this one.
I wouldn't stand for the gaming at night either.