to think that in a functional household....

Not poor role models, we are all role models.... My choice was for the early to bed early to rise method. Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right, I just prefer the up and doing side of life.

If DD's career goes according to plan, it will involve a lot of late night starts and far fewer early morning, so disclpline for her will involve going to bed in the early hours of the morning and not having a 7am start.

Exactly.

Many adults treasure the time alone to get themselves ready for the day, including some getting up early so they can have that time to themselves. Why wouldn’t some teenagers be the same? There are other times to talk other than the mornings.

@Jimblebells what's a disciplined life and why do you have to get up early to lead one?

Why is getting up at 5.30am daily intrinsically "better" than staying up gaming and getting up later (assuming you are getting to work on time and meeting any other essential commitments)?

If you like to get up at 5.30am because it suits you, then fantastic. But people who don't do this are not poor role models.

Oh, and she also asked how she's meant to learn to be independent and get herself ready if i was doing all that for her.

I asked my 15yo about this during our drive to school. I asked if it bothered her that i don't get up before her, have her food on the table, and make the time to have a conversation with her/ask her about her night, how she slept...etc.

Her exact words were.. "God No! That sounds overbearing.. and like a helicopter parent. I just want to be left alone in the morning to vibe.. not be having an entire ass conversation."

So.. there you have it. Different strokes for different folks.

My teens drag themselves out of bed at 8am, stumble around the kitchen making breakfast and lunch and leave the house at 8.15. We do most of our talking in the evenings when we clean the house after dinner and take turns to choose the cleaning playlist.

100%, we parents are the role models for the next generation, do we want to be gaming till early hours then sleeping in, if so that's your next generation following, or do you want to be up and about running a disciplined life, bed on time, up early, say goodbye etc, then that's your next generation. This is fact. I'm naturally lazy in the morning but forced myself to get up at 5.30 daily and it becomes habit.

@TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre you are so right about the overstimulation.

DH likes the TV on first thing and I just can't handle it, I need peace and quiet

@TheDogsAreInThePool you seem to be taking my comment as some kind of personal attack when it was just meant to be a lighthearted "but obviously what you do won't work for everyone" type response.

I couldn't have the TV on in the morning. Too much noise and over stimulation in an already busy household.

I think this thread just proves that all houses are different. All parents are different. He's your ex. She's 15. You have no right to dictate to him how he should parent. You can "think that in a functional household...." but that's all your can do.

His household seems to function just fine. It's just different to your household.

Ummm, so my list are the 'unimportant' things??
So what IS important then if sleep, homework, nutrition isn't?
Occasionally checking they still have two legs and are still alive?

@Hummingbird75

Deliberately twisting my words and being sarcastic

I guess the point people are making is that this kind of morning wouldn't work for everyone. It's great it works so well for you, of course, but if someone forced me to chat over breakfast before work I would be less than impressed, haha.

I haven't said anyone else should do it, I said what we do in our family. I don't force anyone to chat, I didn't say I do, so I'm not sure why you're saying that as if you think I do. Our kids friends often pop in and have breakfast with us, it's nice and suits our family. If the kids don't want to chat, they can stay quiet, tell us or go to another room. They prefer to spend some time with us.

HTH. haha.

That makes perfect sense why you do that then.

I do things differently to my parents too like tell my kids I love them. According to DM, I should have known this without them having to say it.

Agree with this. I loved getting myself ready in the morning for school as a teenager.

I had the house to myself and could listen to whatever music I wanted to while getting ready. Never felt like I needed a chaperone or someone to oversee me doing so. By high school, I would expect most teens to be able to get themselves up and ready for school barring sen and disabilities.

I remember getting up and my mum staying in bed every morning. It felt very miserable, quiet and lonely, especially if I wasn't looking forward to school. I make sure we're chatting, the tv is on, breakfast is all out etc. I think it helps lift the mood and sets them up to have a better day.

I guess the point people are making is that this kind of morning wouldn't work for everyone. It's great it works so well for you, of course, but if someone forced me to chat over breakfast before work I would be less than impressed, haha.

I have just realised this thread has triggered me, so maybe my view is skewed op. As I have just remembered the reason why I can not stand parents staying in bed is because the only time it happened to me (when my parents were not working) was when my mother was severely depressed and/or having a breakdown. So it has really bad connections for me. I accept this won't be the case with many pp, but for me it meant I was alone, she was unable to work and she would be too depressed to get up. I remember feeling scared and alone even as a teen. So I get out of bed even when I am ill (sub consciously probably) and always check my dc are okay etc.

For a 15 yr old I don’t think they have to be overseen every morning. At that age I woke up to an empty house and as parents were at work already. Fair enough, reasons here are different but it’s still preparing DD to be a functional adult.

Our youngest is 15 and I'm always up and about when she is getting ready for school. My partner works from home so he's up as well and I'm a SAHM. It's not about uniform issues or something going wrong, I just think it's nice for them to have a bit of company in the morning. One of us gives her a lift to school as well.

I remember getting up and my mum staying in bed every morning. It felt very miserable, quiet and lonely, especially if I wasn't looking forward to school. I make sure we're chatting, the tv is on, breakfast is all out etc. I think it helps lift the mood and sets them up to have a better day.

I get up anyway for work so I'm there for a chat, but I think high school children should be able to get themselves ready on time and out the door. I don't do that for my teen, he's not a baby and needs to learn responsibility.

Great - but surely you're aware that all families are different and function differently?

What works for you and your kids won't necessarily work for others, so it's generally best not to act as though other parents are failing for doing things differently.

It's only good parenting if your teens want it.

Which, crucially for the OP here, is the one thing that hasn't actually been established.

There's also a difference between "not getting up to make breakfast and having a lovely chat every morning" and "not being available if needed". Again, not established which this is.

My teens don't do mornings, but they have been known to decide to come and talk to me at midnight when I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't think I am a bad parent for going to bed before they do; but possibly I might be if I wasn't there to listen to them when they needed someone.

I dont think its superior, but I do think it is good parenting.

I have three teens! And they chat to me in the mornings and we get coffee and I like to make sure they are okay. I can't imagine not saying goodbye, and giving them a quick hug.