Page 3 | to think that in a functional household....

RedWineSupernova · 2024-07-09T06:46:34+00:00

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc. Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates? Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later. AIBU?

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 10/07/2024 19:42

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:38

Teacher here (or was) 15 is not nearly an adult. 15 is a child and one who needs your attention.

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What age is an adult?

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:41

redskydarknight · 09/07/2024 10:34

Another perspective to this - at 16 (so a year older than OP's DD) my DS chose to do a before school job a couple of days a week where he started at 6.15am and then went straight to school. Was it lazy/"non-functional" parenting not to get up, make him eat breakfast and say goodbye pre 6am, when I wouldn't otherwise get up until 7am? (Note - if there had been any expectation of me having to do this, I would have told him he couldn't do the job).

I’d have got up, however briefly. We are all different though.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:38

ThatVoodooThatYouDoooo · 09/07/2024 10:37

She's 15, nearly an adult.

She doesn't need to see you. What you do is is nice and good for your relationship with her.

However her father will lose later as she won't have that relationship with him. She will remember he didn't get up.

Teacher here (or was) 15 is not nearly an adult. 15 is a child and one who needs your attention.

CantFindMyMarbles · 10/07/2024 19:35

My mum worked shifts and was often out the house before I woke up. I’m sometimes out the house before my daughter wakes up. Thankfully we were given appropriate skills to do such a basic task as to get dressed, have breakfast, wash, make lunch and leave on time. All age appropriate for a teenager.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:34

Foxxo · 09/07/2024 13:59

Exactly.

Not being 'bothered' to get up in the morning, and letting her have some independence to get herself up, make her own breakfast, get herself dressed and ready for when we have to leave (i still have to drive but leave her to it in the morning without interfering while i get my disabled self up and ready carefully) doesn't translate to 'not bothered' about the rest of it.

Some parents aren't morning people, some make a conscious choice to allow the child some independence as vital time for teaching them time management.

Assuming X means Y like some black and white thing is judgey and disingenuous.

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Not being a morning person is not an excuse to not pay attention to your children. Honestly I think that’s a poor excuse.

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 19:33

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:30

Each to their own but a quick hug, ‘have a good day’ and ‘have you got everything’ isn’t, in my book, hovering. I wanted DD to know I was paying attention and cared.

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But you also said your DD wouldn't have minded either way - so I wonder if the hug and reassuring words aren't more for you than they are her.

MartinsSpareCalculator · 10/07/2024 19:32

I think a 15yr old should be able to sort themselves out in the morning, provided there's no disability.

Has your daughter expressed an issue with this, or are you taking it upon yourself to make it an issue?

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:32

WirelessWendy · 10/07/2024 18:50

I don’t get up for mine (youngest is y8). I’m awake, and make sure they are all up in time to get ready. I remind them the night before to sort out their bags, uniform, and anything else they need. If they are late, that’s on them.

You don’t get up for an 8 yr old? Have you been on night shift or something?

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:30

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 19:28

Well personally speaking no, lol. I like peace and quiet in the mornings, not people hovering around and talking at me.

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Each to their own but a quick hug, ‘have a good day’ and ‘have you got everything’ isn’t, in my book, hovering. I wanted DD to know I was paying attention and cared.

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 19:28

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 18:54

Doesn’t everyone need moral support? Someone to say’Have a good day’ and wish them well?
That said, daughter has just said she wouldn’t have minded🤷‍♀️ so dunno really.

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Well personally speaking no, lol. I like peace and quiet in the mornings, not people hovering around and talking at me.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 19:27

redskydarknight · 10/07/2024 09:03

Why is getting up at 5.30am daily intrinsically "better" than staying up gaming and getting up later (assuming you are getting to work on time and meeting any other essential commitments)?

If you like to get up at 5.30am because it suits you, then fantastic. But people who don't do this are not poor role models.

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I think if you are gaming (inessential) as opposed to working (essential) then honestly that’s not good enough. Get up and make sure your child is ok as they leave for the day.

Ilovecleaning · 10/07/2024 19:23

Definitely not BU. Parents should be up before or at the same time as children. Even when the children are 14/15/16.
If they are not up it shows a general lack of care and interest .
i was in teaching for 40+ years. Uncared for kids stuck out a mile. Some parents are just lazy bastards.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 18:54

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 18:40

Why would your average 15 year old need moral support to get ready for school in the mornings?

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Doesn’t everyone need moral support? Someone to say’Have a good day’ and wish them well?
That said, daughter has just said she wouldn’t have minded🤷‍♀️ so dunno really.

WirelessWendy · 10/07/2024 18:50

I don’t get up for mine (youngest is y8). I’m awake, and make sure they are all up in time to get ready. I remind them the night before to sort out their bags, uniform, and anything else they need. If they are late, that’s on them.

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 18:40

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 18:14

Yes of course I'd be up. Moral support if nothing else. You are the adult in the room.

Why would your average 15 year old need moral support to get ready for school in the mornings?

Trumpett · 10/07/2024 18:36

There are plenty of parents who leave for work before their high school kids are up, I don’t really see what the difference is?
I got myself to school every day from being about 10 years old, most high school age kids should be able to get themselves to school without a helicopter parent overseeing everything.

Sharptonguedwoman · 10/07/2024 18:14

Yes of course I'd be up. Moral support if nothing else. You are the adult in the room.

CharlotteBog · 10/07/2024 11:36

RookieMa · 10/07/2024 10:52

High school / Secondary school

Definitely No

My DC in Middle school years 5 and 6 in the UK had to get themselves up, ready dressed etc then walk to school and cross 3 main roads themselves together as only year apart

Because parents had to get up and out first work to commute before them

This has set them up for life though

No mollycoddling here

There are many ways to set children up for life.
Being around the house while your children get ready for school is not mollycoddling.

I'm glad your set up worked well, but you make it sound like any other set up is not in the child's interests.

RookieMa · 10/07/2024 10:53

Btw this was only 6 years ago

RookieMa · 10/07/2024 10:52

High school / Secondary school

Definitely No

My DC in Middle school years 5 and 6 in the UK had to get themselves up, ready dressed etc then walk to school and cross 3 main roads themselves together as only year apart

Because parents had to get up and out first work to commute before them

This has set them up for life though

No mollycoddling here

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 10/07/2024 10:28

Jimblebells · 10/07/2024 09:37

Not poor role models, we are all role models.... My choice was for the early to bed early to rise method. Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right, I just prefer the up and doing side of life.

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Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right

Sure you're not! 😏

Unless I HAD to be up at 5:30 I am not interested in being up at that time. I tend to stay up late, but I'm always up on time.

I have 4 children and a very hectic life. Staying up late when everyone else has gone to bed is my downtime. It's my quiet time. It's my time to watch something on TV uninterrupted. Others might stay up late gaming, or knitting, making jigsaws. Who cares?

Getting up at 5:30am doesn't make you superior to ANYONE.

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 10:06

@Jimblebells thats great if it works for you, but stop acting like you're superior to those who don't choose to get up at 5am everyday 🙄

redskydarknight · 10/07/2024 09:47

Jimblebells · 10/07/2024 09:37

Not poor role models, we are all role models.... My choice was for the early to bed early to rise method. Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right, I just prefer the up and doing side of life.

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Your previous post was pretty clear that you consider staying up late gaming to be inferior to your own choice of going to bed early and getting up at 5.30am.

Foxxo · 10/07/2024 09:46

Jimblebells · 10/07/2024 09:37

Not poor role models, we are all role models.... My choice was for the early to bed early to rise method. Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right, I just prefer the up and doing side of life.

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How about you don't conflate 'late to bed, late to get up' to 'late to everything'

Being late to occasions/appointments is rude.

I'm late to bed, late to wake, but NEVER late for appointments.

Being an early bird does not give one any kind of moral superiority.

Jimblebells · 10/07/2024 09:44

fieldsofbutterflies · 10/07/2024 09:03

@Jimblebells what's a disciplined life and why do you have to get up early to lead one?

Each to their own. I go by the early (10 ish) to bed, early to rise principle. Get a 30 min walk or run in then dive into the day.