to think that in a functional household....

Both me and my husband are often out of the house before 8am. So leave the kids to it, 14 and 17. They always get there on time and are responsible for locking up.

Ah sorry, I read that as being 8 yrs old- bit different!

@Sharptonguedwoman I don’t get up for a Y8. She’s nearly 14. I make sure they are all awake, then sit and have a coffee in bed. I say goodbye to each of them before they leave.

I have four teenagers getting ready for school/ college at the same time. They have to be ready the night before because I refuse to have four faffing and disorganised children getting grumpy and stressed because they can’t find their PE kit/ tie/ homework in the morning.

I used to. One of mine would never had made it out the door if I hadn't (neurodiverse.) The other would have fended for himself well enough, but why should they? They are still young. I loved the morning routine - making breakfast and packed lunches, putting on music, having a chat before they headed off.

I was shocked to discover two good friends never got up before their DC left for secondary. One of them (who is a lovely woman) had a terrible relationship with one daughter for years. Not sure if the two were connected in any way. The other one is adored by her children (also a lovely woman).

My parents alternated days so there was always one of them up with us for going to school, although they would have both been up pretty soon afterwards anyway. We also needed a lift to the bus about half a mile up the road. My mum is gone now but I always appreciated that they made the effort for us.

Agree with most posters: all
children are different and some need more support that others. Very sensible and independent 13 year old and a 10 year old
with executive development delay here who needs a lot of support (more like 7 year old).

That said, even when the 10 year old is away (very very rarely perhaps a school residential) I still get up with my 13 year old. Because I want to: I enjoy our before school chats, I enjoy making her feel cared for with a breakfast I make. It’s very different to my own childhood experiences and I want my kids to know I enjoy their company, am attentive, and care about them. Home is their safe space and growing up is tough at times. Each to their own: but I strongly feel kids need (reasonably) attentive parents.

I would have never stayed in bed unless I was ill and I would still wake up to see them off

My eldest DD's are 14 & 16 and they are fully responsible for getting themselves up and ready for school. For making sure they give me their uniform to me to wash (the 16yo actually does her own washing) to make sure they have everything they need, PE Kit, stationary etc and that they leave the house on time to get the bus.

Yes I am their mother but they need to learn to get ready and be self sufficient as that is part of growing up, and what they will need to do when they are at college, working etc.

So no, I don't have to be up to make sure they get ready. I am usually up anyway but I'm not running around after them, faffing about to make sure they are ready. They are old enough to do it themselves now.

Those criteria were never mentioned. Being unwell/having been at work are not the same as just not getting up to be the present parent. Even if you are sitting silently in a corner, you can still be present.

Of course. Absolutely. I have not met that child though.

If you’re in bed, you’re not present are you.

Getting up early doesn't automatically mean you care or that you're a good role model.
Getting up late doesn't automatically make you a "slob".

Maybe look outside your little bubble and realise that there are lots of ways to be a good and present parent.

Really? Even if they had been unwell or working until 2am?

I'm really surprised at how rigid so many people on here seem to be about parenting and showing people you care. Getting up with your teenagers doesn't make someone more caring than someone who doesn't.

You are absolutely right, OP and I’m amazed by the number of posters and voters saying you’re not. A real insight into the slobbiness of people. A parent is responsible for the care of the young people in the house and a role model too.

I don’t think it’s essential but I do think it’s pleasant. My mum struggled with her sleep and mental health and was never awake in the mornings and while I was very competent at getting myself ready, it was lonely and I did feel a bit forgotten about. I think it’s different if it’s one/two days a week they aren’t up, but my mum would sleep in always and so I was on my own a lot

There are all kinds of reasons for someone to still be in bed.

Working a night shift.
Working a late shift.
Getting up in the night with a younger sibling.
Having caring responsibilities.
Being unwell.
Not needing to get up and having a child who doesn't need them to be up.

If my parents were sleeping and not getting up in the morning when I was a teenager I would have felt they were lazy and sad they didn’t want to say bye to me.

Ex is a lazy bugger. Probs connected to why he's an ex. I totally get why you're hacked off with him.

DD sounds amazing!

I was always up early as I never trusted the little buggers to not misbehave. Or to not forget to go to school.

I think there are a million ways to be a great parent and getting up before a 14,15, 16+ year old isn’t the only way. I have an excellent relationship with my children, am fully engaged and supportive of them. They are amazing humans who I’m very proud of. But….. no, I wasn’t always up before they left the house. I don’t think they are hindered by that. I think they’d say they had a very happy upbringing if you asked them.

So in short on this specific issue YABU.

I have young children as well but yes I am up before my teen (14) and knock on his door if there’s no movement etc. my dad always used to bring us up cups of coffee to our bedrooms to make sure we were up and I loved that. I might even start doing that for my teen! But yeah, I think it’s my job to be up and aware and there if he needs anything in the mornings. He doesn’t need me and I don’t do much for him, but yeah. I’m the parent!!

I’d still be on alert till they left the house. Think it’s in the genes or something. But why would a parent be in bed at the time a child leaves for school? Our school bus leaves at 7.45. I’d be up.
Never know what minor catastrophe might happen and prefer to be up and cogent.

I agree. Some parents are just lazy sods.

I get up when Ds does

I would still get up for any child in my care. I just think it’s what you do.

What if they didn't want you to?

Hard to tell. It’s half her lifetime ago so perspectives alter. What she thinks now may not have been true then . Also she is dyslexic with the associated disorganisation so needed support. Also no doubt 🚁 😂but I would still get up for any child in my care. I just think it’s what you do.