to think that in a functional household....

I am usually in bed when dc leave for school. I get up, do lunches, make hot drink, go back to bed. My dc are 12-16 and just get up, do their routines and get to school. They don’t need me project managing their morning - I’ve given them the skills to be independent.

I’m not lazy - work full time in a stressful role, studying for a masters around this. I’m really not a morning person and this works for our family.

It depends. I work from 7 till half nine 3 mornings a week and 14 old dd gets herself up and out by 7.50.

the morning I’m not I don’t get up but I am awake.

My DH said he felt really sad that his mum stayed in bed each morning, leaving him to fend for himself for school. I think his dad was up but had some fancy job he had to drive to so didn't do breakfast etc.
I took it for granted that my dad walked me to the station after waking me, (when he was alive) and my mum was also there making me breakfast, helping with my clothes, bag etc.
I think for some kids it matters. I didn't particularly appreciate it at the time but I would never have been organised enough to get myself out the door on time by myself aged 12-13.
By 14 I was getting myself up and ready and out the door, but my mum was around for breakfast/moral support as she had work an hour later. Which I guess was nice.

All my 3 teen children are capable of getting themselves up and out the door in the mornings for school. However, I get up with them because as a parent I see it as my duty to support them. I also think it's important to set a good example.

i think most kids should get themselves up and ready for school without adult intervention by about 12. That said, I’m always up with them. Sometimes it’s my favourite part of the day. I do fire up the coffee machine and make a coffee for whoever wants one. They are late teens now.

It’s not pandering. It’s a normal household.

The video games need to stop and they need proper sleeping patterns. With teens it’s ok to let them get up themselves and ready. it’s good to be up and visible in the morning.

I always got up before the kids, it was just normal for me. Even when my son was doing A levels I’d get up and make him breakfast. I did sometimes pop back in bed with a cup of coffee though when he was getting ready but I’d always go back downstairs and wave him off. Unless I was working or ill I would always wave them off even at that age.

Why? My DC are independent and get themselves up and out to school without Mummy or Daddy congratulating them or making their breakfast or lunchbox since age 11. Way too much pandering going on.

My household is functioning better, it would seem, as we all get up and sort ourselves out for school/ work etc.

I wfh and get up about the same time as my 16 yr old.

I don't need to oversee her getting ready but I do make sure she's had breakfast and has something to take with her food wise.

Staying up late, playing video games and not contributing towards family life isn't on imo. Once in a while is ok, but not on a regular basis. If nothing else even teens like a bit of human interaction in the morning and to feel like their parents care about their well being

I don't see the problem at 15. She can get herself ready and be out of there. Unless she has a problem with it, let it go.

…… aaaaand the lying in parent is a man, right? 🙄

I agree with you OP. It doesn’t mean you are doing everything for the teen, but it’s nice and civilised and it’s nice to know someone wants to see you and cares enough to see you off in the mornings.

If the household is functional why would an adult need to facilitate a teen getting ready for school?

Genuine question as I always had to help my ds due to his send. But at secondary school age I could sort myself out.

No its fine, she's 15 not a baby. I have a 15 year old, I'm awake each morning before her, but not for that reason. She doesn't need me whatsoever I could stay asleep if I wanted to.

Assuming no AN, a 15 year old should not be having uniform issues. The parent really shouldn't need to be providing practical help by that age.

I would however normally expect them to be up before the 15 year old leaves the house in order to say hello. As distinct from up before the 15 year old is up per se, that's over egging the pudding.

I really don't see the issue with a 15 year old getting themselves up and ready for school alone.

It sounds like you feel it's lazy rather than because it's a necessity - I mean, I assume you would feel differently if he'd already left for work, or was on nights, for example?

I’ve 4 primary aged kids and since youngest was about 4, they all get up ahead of DH and I and get dressed and breakfast. We’re not up late playing video games but work full time and value our sleep. Also hugely value independence in our kids. I do like to stay in bed with a coffee while they mill about getting organised. I lay out uniforms the night before but we expect our kids to do what they can for themselves. They get a proper family meal every evening and homework supervised. But I love lying in bed with my coffee knowing they are sorting themselves out before I come down to make lunch boxes.

I was a SAHM for many years and considered it my 'job', so yes, I got up (and still do, tbh) every morning. Not to make their breakfast or chivvy them into clothes or whatever- as a teenager they should be doing that themselves- but sometimes they needed a reminder of something needed for school, or I needed to clarify about after school activities and if they needed to be picked up.

But mostly I got up because I like to see them off to school. My mother used to stay in bed until I'd left for school, and it made me feel a bit uncared-for, I suppose (although there were many other reasons why I felt like that anyway), so I've always got up for my dc.

Now I'm returning to work I sometimes have to leave before they do, but I'm still up with them for a while.

Surely one of the benefits of having older children is that you no longer need to get up early with them every single day?

Would it be (practically speaking) any different if the parent was working (and out the door at 5am) or sleeping because they were on nights?

Or is it just the gaming people are objecting to?

I get up early and support my 13yo (and 11yo who's nearly there) but they both have executive function issues so need more guidence than average.

DM got up to take me to school, but I got myself up and ready long before she was in action for the day all the way through junior school.

If avaliable, it's nice to check that an older child is ready and sorted for the day before leaving, but the majority of older children/ teenagers shouldn't need much practical input.

I was about 7 when my mum stopped getting out of bed to get me up, sort breakfast, remind me to brush my teeth, make sure I left for school okay on my own… she was in bed fast asleep.
It was really fucking sad, I used to see other kids walking to school with a parent and I just felt really unloved!!
My youngest is now 12 and I’m up every morning to sit with him while he has breakfast and to say goodbye when he leaves. I don’t log on until 9 and could feasibly get up at 8:30 for a shower before starting work but I get up at 6:30 for him.
I might feel differently about not doing it the odd morning if I hadn’t had the upbringing I had but I can’t erase the past and those feelings of no one giving a shit about me so I will happily continue.
I don’t think the occasional one off is neglectful - once they are at senior school they should be able to manage the morning routine just fine (obviously there are exceptions to this, not all dc are NT and some may need more support than others), but I don’t like the idea of any of mine having no one there for them in the morning.

Well I'm currently in bed on Mumsnet while DD14 gets herself ready for school. If I'm WFH I normally just get up to say bye when she leaves at 815. If I'm going into the office I might have a bit more interaction as I'll be up earlier too. If she was struggling with organisation etc I'd get up earlier to oversee stuff but there's not much to do other than make sure she has some breakfast?

I tend to get up before my children, but that is because I enjoy the peace and quiet. They are capable of getting themselves ready, and if they can't find their PE or have forgotten to tell me they need food tech ingredients, that's for them to sort out. They can also use their judgement and wake one of us up if a parent is actually needed for stuff like broken bikes, or illness which are I think the only reasons they've actually needed a parent in the last couple of years. To be honest, I've often left for work before they go to school anyway.

Age is very important here. When my dd was in primary I was up getting things sorted for her but by around 12 she was sorting herself out and didn't need me.

DS is 7 and gets up before us! He wakes up at the crack of dawn, much earlier than he needs to, and goes downstairs to watch tv.

I’m not getting up at 6 am when I don’t need to be up until 7:30, just to watch him watching cartoons for 90 mins. We get up when he needs to start getting ready for school, and supervise him.