to think that in a functional household....

Like @hennybeans from the age of about 13 my mum had already left for work by the time I got up. At 15 I don't see the issue. I actually use to love the quiet mornings being able to get up and get ready without anyone in my way.

YANBU.

I would expect the parent to be awake and available, and to be up before the child leaves the house to say goodbye and check they have everything. It's just about being loving, to me. Staying in bed asleep is cold and unloving and children deserve better than that.

I think it's fine as long as he's otherwise a present parent. Altho I'm also a latchkey kid so... Dad would be out before we were up so we got up and got ourselves ready for school from early secondary school age

Well she’s experiencing a different approach to your way of living isn’t she? I don’t see it as lazy, just he sleeps late and stays up late and you are the opposite. Personally I like to see my children before they go but I also like to sit with them in the evening. Mostly both are possible.

Growing up, I never had anyone around in the mornings from a young age, maybe 8? At my mum’s house, she and stepdad would leave before I woke up. At my dad’s house, this was the case as well.

I managed just fine. Always got up, got to school on time. But truthfully, it was a bit sad. Nobody ever made me breakfast or wished me a good day. The house was quiet and a bit lonely.

I am now a Sahm and I get up before my 3 dc: teens and tweens. I turn on the lights and the radio, make breakfast for the eldest as he wouldn’t eat otherwise. Generally they get themselves ready, but I do think it’s nicer to have a parent up and around in the morning in you can.

At 15 it is such a non issue

From what age?

My teenage DD gets herself up, makes breakfast and sometimes leaves the house just as I'm getting up. Other times I'm up before her. It's fine, isn't it? She actually doesn't want me fussing around her in the morning! She wants to be left alone to get ready in peace.
I certainly don't stay up late playing video games though.

YABU. At 15 your DC should be able to to get up and sorted with no help from you. No need to baby them at that age.

Surely depends on ages of dc and if there are other adults in the house who are up

Dts are 13. I'm awake but don't necessarily get up until I say goodbye to them. They are in their rooms getting ready so not sure what benefit me being up would add to it.

If no shift work illness etc and not just on a rare occasion yes it’s scummy behaviour. You don’t have to be constantly interacting in the morning but a house is different in the morning if others are asleep. It’s the wrong way round, teenager should be sleeping in not the adult.

I’m up before my kids, I like the quiet mornings and need to see to the dog, they’re pretty independent though so don’t need to me organise them etc.

It's all about context. Objectively, a 15 year old should be capable of getting themselves out of the door. In fact as parents it's the kind of independence that we should be encouraging. They are also capable of switching on lights and radio.

If you were a shift worker then I wouldn't shame you for not being there in the morning. So it is a nice thing, not a necessity.

However, also as parents, it's good to be able to hang around so if they want to chat you're there to listen.

Don't obsess over your ex's behaviour. It's not going to change and it's not productive to dwell on it.

When my DD was 15, I left the house for work as she got up, so no I wasn't there to make her a cup of tea and breakfast. She was more than capable of doing this herself and she is a perfectly well-adjusted young adult now

I don't think there's a problem with what he's doing.

You do things your way, your ex gets to do things his way. It's not your job to control how he does stuff. This is not a situation where your DD is at any kind of risk at all, you just choose to do things differently (not better) to him. So you need to butt out and leave him to it.

I got myself up as I started early! My dc got themselves up too, always saw them off but I showered after they left as I left an hour later.

I think it’s nicer if the other parent is up and awake but at 15, not a necessity. I would be up for mine though like you op

I think it's ok. It's not a bad thing for her to learn different ways of being taken /not taken care of. Latchkey kids are independent and resourceful.

I understand it's irritating given you put in the effort and typically, he doesn't.

I was going to say @TeenLifeMum that some us are morning larks and some night owls.

Absolutely no problem for me to get up early and didn't mind much taking DS to his early morning gym training sessions for 7 as it was a nice opportunity to chat, but when he started staying out late, there's zero way I can stay up past midnight or pick him up at that time, which some people also regard as bad parenting.

You do realise that lots of parents of teenagers have to leave for work before the DC get up
In my functional home there is always lots of uniform washed and ironed and away ,breakfast and snack options and cash if they need any
But i leave for work at 7.30 so they are on their own
Mine are perfectly capable of sorting out their books etc,at secondary stage how would i even know what they needed
And all good prep for when they go to uni

The younger ones need guidance, my 12yo cannot be trusted to consistently brush teeth or remember this and that but id love to think that in another year or two she'd be capable. I think lying in bed like that is a bit of a lazy shit example but to each their own.

My children are all adults now, but I always got up well before they left to go to school. Generally, they didn't need me once 13ish but it just felt nicer for me, and hopefully for them, to have some family interaction before we all set off to school/work. It might help that I am a morning person!