to think that in a functional household....

When mine were 15 I always got up with them. One Dd never spoke only grunted (a bit like me), the other likes to have a chat every morning. Also in the winter often liked something cooked so I used to make that for them.

I grew up as a latch key kid and had a morning paperound at 13 (one parent out of the house before mw, one would be in bed when i left). It's fine for a 15 year old to be getting on with their day independently. He is there, so in a situation that she doesn't know what to do she's not without options.

My DC are up before 7 and out the house before 8 . I have to drive them as we are rural with no public transport closer than 30 mins walk away , no pavements .

Getting up that early is a struggle for most teens - one of mine more than the other - I can’t imagine just leaving them to it . I make them some breakfast and yell at them to get out of bed other than that they get themselves sorted. To be fair to them once they are actually out of their pits it works like clockwork .
Im also at the age where lying around in bed feels like wasting my life - but have lost 4 good friends or husbands of friends far too early

The mum of a child I know (12 years old) hasn't got out of bed for him since he was 4 years old. She stays up all night gaming and streaming, talking to her mates, then is "too tired" to get up for him. Poor kid used to wake up with no one, try to make himself food and get scolded when he would burn himself on the toaster etc. Social services have been informed so many times and they just leave him with her. He does everything on his own at 12, but is a very emotionally disturbed, very lonely young man.

I actually agree with you. My eldest is 22 I don’t get up for him anymore but there is only 1 day ever I haven’t got up for my 14 & 18 year old and that was when I had a terrible case of Covid and couldn’t move . It’s part of the house getting ready for the day

My DS is 12 and would be capable of going off to school without my input but I get up half an hour before he leaves to see him for a bit before school. We usually both have our breakfast then and a chat before he goes then I get myself ready for the day ahead.

Yes, I get up and dressed ready for work alongside my 13 year old. I just wouldn't dream of not waking up in a morning while they were getting ready unless I'd worked a night shift. I like getting up and pottering around while we get ready and would do so even if I didn't work and whilst ever they're at school!

For a fifteen year old... I would expect her to call out or say if she needs any help or wants to come in and chat about anything.
Your daughter knows both systems. Both are functioning homes.
Which does she prefer?

@crystalflex I’m so glad I’m not the only one with a DD who gets annoyed if you interrupt the eyeliner application process 😂

You are being very judgemental here just because a family works differently to yours doesn’t mean it is not functional.

your daughter is coming to no harm because of this parenting style. She shouldn’t need help in the morning.

To be honest my 15 year old would be annoyed at me trying to chat when she's getting ready. Getting her eyeliner just right trumps talking to mom lol

I'm already at work by the time dd alarm goes off. And I'm home then for when she gets home, dumps her bags etc then we sit in the kitchen and catch up on each others day.

At 15 I’d be expecting them to be able to deal with any uniform or other issues themselves - I don’t agree with not getting up with them though. I wouldn’t like the first time I saw my teen to be at 4 in the afternoon when she eventually gets home.

I think it's fine. Sometimes I'm up with my teenagers, other times not. It depends what time DS gets up.
They are very independent though as in the past I've been off to work at 2:30 in the morning so they got used to sorting themselves out. DH is usually around until 7:30 but he doesn't do anything for them. Tbh none of us are morning people so even when I'm up they usually just talk to me in grunts.

There's no way I could just lie in bed whilst DC get organised and head out themselves.

I did that myself as a latch key kid and wouldn't inflict that on my DC unless absolutely necessary due to work.

I like to be about to make sure they're on time and give them a lift to the bus stop if it's raining. But also just for a chat and to see them off.

How often is she there?

You'd think he might make a bit of an effort.

At 15 though I'm guessing she doesn't have to go?

Has she complained about it?

Does she feel she could wake him if she needed anything?

Since secondary school my kids have been in charge of themselves in the mornings. I believe this is an age where they should be learning to look after themselves, and learning the consequences if they don't (e.g. late for school/wrong books/wrong uniform etc).

YANBU in the situation you describe. If your ex only has his daughter some of the time, I think he should make the effort to see her and keep his late night gaming sessions to when he doesn't have her. Even if he's in pyjamas and getting up to make a coffee and say a quick goodbye to her just as she's heading out the door. I think if a parent is working nights, that's a different scenario to choosing to stay up late doing your hobby.

I always get up with my DC, they're all very independent and don't need me to sort anything, I don't physically do anything for them. I think it's just nice to say hello in the morning and be there to wish them a nice day.

Nope. Once ours all reached high school age it was expected they get everything ready/organised the night before and any issues were identified and rectified at that point. Once ours were all upper primary and high school DH reverted to a 9-5 mon/fri role and was generally out the door before they all got up and I’d often get home from work having missed them or catching them on their way out the door. If I hadn’t worked a night shift I’d probably be asleep in bed anyway catching u on sleep. I don’t see any need to assist a 15yo to get ready for school!

When mine were at secondary school I was off to work well before they got up. They were perfectly capable of sorting themselves out.

I think you’re being a bit harsh on your Ex by questioning whether his household is “functional “ because he doesn’t get up before the 15 year old.

Your way may be better but that doesn’t make his way dysfunctional. Maybe he gives her attention & support in other ways.

Nope.
From teenage years they should be able to get up, navigate who showers when without arguments, sort their own cold breakfast and all a mum/dad need to do is be at the door to say goodbye when they're about ready to go.

Children get that well needed time for themselves in the morning without an adult directing them which they're going to get all day.

Yes, men should be active in caring for their children...

That was the question wasn't it?

High school age no.

Of course it’s different if you’re up and gone early, or you do shift work. People get that. Kids get that. Kids will also get that a parent isn’t there because they would rather not be.