to think that in a functional household....

I think how much help they might need depends on age and the DC, however I would never have stayed in bed while DD got herself ready and off to school. Not necessarily because she needed me, but more because I wanted to be there and enjoyed that little bit of time in the morning, having breakfast and a little chat.
I think it's a bit sad to prefer to stay in bed than keep DC company really.

DS is 15 and I an SE so pretty flexible with work.
I always try to wave him off to school and be here when he gets in if I can. I am not sure he cares as much as I do about it (although if I am not there his first words when he gets in are apparently "wheres Mum?") but I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do it for both my DC and I will carry on as long as they live here.

There's a thread right now about a 20 year old man who was unhappy about how his M&S interview went and his mum is asking if she should complain to HR.

It's unbelievable.

There are the parents who never seem to acknowledge their child is capable of doing things themselves, who always have to be involved and needed, even when not needed - you might be one of those.

shiftworkers here, there has always been someone in our home each morning, our teens 15/17 are notoriously difficult to get up in the morning. Always have been way before teen years despite having a bedtime routine since birth. They would never be at school/work if we didnt wake them, they can sleep through alarms. We don’t mind getting up to make sure they are awake. They need nothing done for them otherwise apart from a life sometimes.

Hmm, well, I'm up before the kids.
I leave the house at 7.15. If DS1 has switched his alarm clock off and gone back to sleep, I usually only speak to him through Alexa before leaving.

DH is usually asleep or not in the house.

Are we dysfunctional?

Your DD probably enjoys the peace and quiet in the morning at her dad's. Why don't you ask her?

OP it sounds like you are incredibly lucky to be in that position.

What about parents who have already left for work? Families with younger DC? Single parents? Those with siblings with additional needs.

I agree, it is the ideal but sadly not always possible. Sadly life isn’t perfect.

Your DD is 15 and perfectly capable of getting herself off to school. She might indeed like the way you do things at your house but that doesn’t mean her dad is obliged to get up early just to please her.

Honestly, the routine at her dad’s house is up to him. He doesn’t have to do things your way when she’s with him.

And none of us are chatty morning people I hate that

I voted YABU and very judgemental. Functional households come in many forms not just in the way you do things.

She is 15 years old not 5 and is perfectly able to get herself sorted in the morning without an adult. Presumably if anything were actually wrong she could go to him.

Exactly. I'm rather surprised that so many teens seem to want their parents company at 7am. If I attempt to make conversation with my teen DD in the morning she glares at me and sighs. She'll only have breakfast once she's sure I'm out of the kitchen!
She's nice at other times but definitely doesn't want me getting in her way in the morning.

At 15 there's no need for it - but I used to get up first on my days off just because it was my routine. If I was ill I didn't.

Not needed
I was up and out for work before teens left
Or left them to it
Teach them independence

That’s the point surely. Unless there is a decent reason for a parent sleeping in (like working late, caring duties), it smacks of laziness and sets a poor example.

i love being up with my DD in the morning. She is 11 so still needs me to help her get sorted in the morning. When she is older i will still get up with her.

Even when i had major surgery i made sure i was up with DD. As soon as she went to school i went back to bed.

Fgs, she's 15, you're being ridiculous and looking for something to moan about.
If she gets a job when she's 16, will you be getting up to help her then too?
Let her grow up, you do know millions of us don't have the luxury of morning chats.

At 15 it is fine, but it is nice to have parents around in the morning. At both my mum and my dad's house, they were always up before me. I still have lovely memories or mornings before school, getting up to music playing, a chance to have conversation, someone there to ask me 'how did you sleep?'. Little things, but do I intent to be up before my son when he's 15.

Mine choose to eat breakfast at different points because they don’t want to talk to each other in the morning. Usually the house is a very chatty one with 3 girls but not in the mornings first thing. When I am downstairs I don’t get conversation from them at all. They are not sad or lonely 😂 why can’t posters understand that what works in one house doesn’t work the same in another and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Not sure why drinking my coffee downstairs would make any difference to my dc wellbeing.

I get up after DD and we get ready in parallel, breakfast and lunches made, bags packed and uniform checked the night before. She just needs to shower, get dressed and grab her overnight oats from the fridge and put her lunch box and drink in her bag.

In lots of fully functioning households the parents are out the door before the children are awake

So no I don't think High school students need coddling if they have been supported getting everything prepared beforehand and at Secondary school age they should be working towards independently doing it.

I work nights so often get in half an hour before they leave in the morning. DH is sometimes up with them but often leaves the house before 07.00. If we are home we both get up with them every morning. All 3 set their alarms and get up and start getting ready whether we are home or not. Having uniform and bags ready is down to them. DD14 likes me to do her hair for her. I run through a verbal checklist with them before they leave, including ASD DS17 for college. DH’s mum and my mum were always up for us too.

As a general sweeping statement, no, not really. I was a latchkey kid and perfectly able to prep the night before and leave on time to meet friends and walk to school.

The way you have phrased it sounds like you think said parent is lazy and checked out which could still be true but on its not a problem. How does DD feel?

Presumably happy enough if she is still wanting to stay there?

I'd expect a 15 year old to sort all the things in your list without help from a parent. The norm in our house (which I thought was functioning) is that everyone gets themselves ready, says goodbye to anyone that is about and goes. We're none of us morning people so we are not having nice chats in the morning. Not to mention that DH and I are actually often both up and out before the DC are out of bed. Never realised this made us a "non-functional" household.

DD is 14. I'm up most of the time when going to work. When I have a day off and because of my irregular schedule it can be during the working week, she gets up herself, makes herself ready and goes to school on her own. I can't see a problem with that. I don't wake her up to keep me company when walking the dog at 5.30AM.

I grew up in a very lonely household, it's great being forced to be "independant" and all, but I get up for my kids not because I have to, but so they have company.