Being so tight with money?

Best of luck today OP. Will be thinking of you. I really hope there is no drama or hysterics from him. As another PP said, take care of yourself now, get good sleep, eat well, light exercise etc to avoid stress affecting you. You're onto better things now...onwards & upwards!!

Just seen this.

So glad you're leaving, this is no way to live.

My friend has a husband similar (not as bad) and the kids have the minimum of everything. She tries to make up for his lack of input but there's only so much money she has of her own to do this.
He doesn't see a problem if his DS trousers are short if they still fit his waist or if tops are tight and insists the kids have a size or 2 bigger new things to last them- so even new clothes look like hand me downs as they don't fit. He asks his family for clothing items for kid's birthday/ Christmas gifts to save him money.

You have had a lucky escape!

This is ridiculous! I’ve not even been with my boyfriend for six months, we have essentially lived with each other for four months (we spend every night together taking turns at each others houses).

We split nothing. We take turns paying for things but don’t keep track because WE TRUST EVERYTHING WILL BE FAIR IN THE END.

If this is a person you are to spend the rest of your life with there will be occasions where one of you will contribute more financially and the other will be contributing in other ways. But you shouldn’t be tit for tat, you should be able to trust that neither is taking advantage and if it doesn’t feel fair then it’s probably not.

Good luck today, OP! 😘

Yep don't make a big deal about furniture...

But also don't make no deal at all about it...

If you make a fuss, then you're trying to rip him off, you massive gold-digger you...

However if you go too far the other way and tell him he can keep it... then you'll be ditching him with stuff he needs to get shot of because its not his taste/he didn't choose it/never really liked it... and he'll have to pay to have it taken away woe is him etc etc.

So yeah, be casual, be 'whatever you want... dear...' about it, let him think HE has choices here.

And definitely piss off with the tin opener or one of the lids to the most used saucepan and the cheese grater. 😁

And the elephant in the room is: how often does he demand XXXXXX

Eugh, you appear to be having an intimate relationship with Ebenezer Scrooge. Gross.

OP, does he not give you the ICK? Dinner once in 4 years? Come on.

….. just caught up on this thread 😳😳 Jesus .. this one is a piece of work isn’t he!!
I don’t know if I’ve missed the part where you’re telling him you’re “done” but you have 100% made the right decision. This is just batshit

FWIW… in a similar vein
I know a woman who is like this man!
She is the one with money / car etc
She sends her husband a bill each month for his “share” which will include half of everything …… including the fuel she has used to take him in her car for his cancer treatment at the hospital 40miles away !!!! 😳😳

Run for the hills and don’t stop!
good luck 💐 xx

I don't agree that you should leave all of the furniture simply because you don't want to battle. I suggest you give him a price for your portion.

I don't think it is very usual. If you wouldn't treat a friend like this, don't put up with it from your partner.

Good luck tomorrow. Well done for getting this far.
If you are not taking the big stuff then take small stuff that will REALLY inconvenience him. The tin opener, the corkscrew, the pan you use all the time, the frying pan. Stuff you only notice missing when you need to use it.

I didn't notice the part where she said he eats 2/3 of the meals together. She should check out that food shop again.

good luck OP. I've read all of the thread and think you're doing the right thing

You can use the big stuff like furniture as bargaining tools. He'll want what costs the most so sofas and beds he'll see as a win to keep as they are expensive to buy. Doesn't matter if he likes them or not. If he kicks off about bills etc just tell him he can keep the furniture and white goods in place of your half off the bills etc.

Good luck for Sunday

I was married to a similar tight arse, and it completely wore me down over the years, it's still an issue now we're not together and he refuses to pay towards the kids/expects me to knock off money from child maintenance for cat food (for the cat that still lives with him), doesn't pull his weight with summer holiday childcare etc. Can't say I wish I'd never married him as I wouldn't have my children if I hadn't, however looking back I really shouldn't have done as the warning signs were all there!

You can do this and you will. In time you’ll also feel soooo much better.
Good luck and stay strong with a clear vision of the future free of him.

@Rockrose94 you've totally got this.

It really is just stuff - if you did go to the hassle of selling it, second hand furniture really isn't worth that much. But more than that, hopefully it will be freeing for you to just let it go, and not get bogged down in penny pinching - all of that is behind you now!

🤮

I can totally see why taking furniture is quite frankly more hassle than it's worth.
Transporting furniture isn't easy or cheap and then you have the issue of storage.

Take the stuff that will fit in a box, therefore will fit in a car boot and can easily be put in a loft of cupboard until you find somewhere new.

Stay strong, your probably feeling a mix of relief and sadness. Allow yourself time to grief for the relationship that isn't to be.

Also don't dwell on this man and give him any more of your time. When you feel ready, get back out there especially as you are 30 now and if you want to have children then the sooner you get back out there the better. This way you have more time to find someone compatible to you if this is what you want.

You can do this and will feel a weight lifted. Don't stoop to his level as this will in his mind confirm what he thought of you as the one who was after his money. Be the bigger person and just get through each day. There will be days when you will wonder if you made the right decision. Re read this thread when you feel like this.

All the examples you gave is not 'normal life' so there will be a period of re adjustment. Even little things like filling the kettle might remind you but in time will become distant memory.