Being so tight with money?

Ugh, what an unattractive trait. It'll only get worse from here.
Look at the huge red flag he's waiving in your face and run for the hills!!

This is my point…

my DH and I are generous. It’s lovely!

his DM is just a taker and it’s now at the point both of us resent treating her as it’s so unappreciated and moochy.
its a classic case of this is why we can’t have nice things.

he is, in a very really sense, stealing your joy.

I am about to divorce someone similar. After 13 years marriage and kids, I've had enough. Do as everyone says and run for the hills. I used to think so what, I have my own money. He is miserly in every way possible. It is soul destroying. Wont even give the kids £1 for children in need day. (He has tens of thousands in savings.... well I think hundreds of thousands - tells me nothing.)

To borrow a phrase from the wonderful Captain Awkward, this isn’t 19th century England, you are not Charlotte Lucas. You have options.

These options definitely involve not ruminating over whether other people would put up with a penny pinching partner, and whether you therefore should too. They involve not being with someone who is slowly snuffing out some of the nicest and most agreeable parts of your personality - generosity, kindness and a lust for life.

It doesn't matter if he's right and you're wrong. It doesn't matter if you're being unreasonable, or he is. His behaviour makes you feel like you're incompatible, and the way he wants to live his and your lives is making you unhappy, so you are therefore incompatible. You can end this relationship knowing that wanting to break up is a good enough reason for breaking up - you don't have to justify it to anyone. He'll be fine, and you will be happier than you can imagine.

What a way to live. How does he cherish you and show you that he loves you?

Do you give him lifts or let him use your car? You need to start charging for that if you do.
But obviously LTB.

Do his family know he is like this @Rockrose94? I’m the only daughter (eldest of 3) and both my brothers can at times be a little stingy / careful with money, but nowhere near this extent.

Honestly, if either of my SILs were to reveal they were on the receiving end of this kind of miserliness from my brothers to me or my parents, we would be disgusted and I don’t think we could stop ourselves from having strong and direct conversations with my brothers as to just how objectionable this behaviour is.

Is he generous in other ways - affectionate, intimate, giving you praise, respect and recognition, dedicating energy and focus to quality time as a couple? I suspect the answer is no, so I think the obvious question is; what are you actually gaining from being in a relationship with this man?

You deserve better. You can do better. Get rid of this millstone around your neck before you wake up one day and realise you’ve given all the best years of your life to someone so utterly undeserving.

This is just the most miserable way to live.

also it isn’t 50/50. He wants to subtly mooch off you.
exhibits:
A. you have a car and presumably pay for everything associated but I bet he benefits.
B. The food
C. Every nice thing ever is paid for in full by you 🫣😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

just imagine a world where you could surprise your partner with a city break in Barcelona… for your birthday he takes you to the Azores…
on your anniversary he surprises you and you go to an amazing spa hotel !maybe you stop at a nice gastro pub on the way back and you treat him to lunch?
what a NICE life that is to live.

my DH and I had the most idyllic 4-5 years doing the above and more pre kids

pleaaaaase don’t waste your life on this cheap moochy fun sponge

Do his gifts match/ approach the agreed limit, or does he go way below that amount?
Is this his approach to household chores/division of home responsibilities? Does he have any redeeming qualities or habits that make you feel special/loved?

I could not live like this. Bloody £2.50?

If you can live like this OP, then you need to get as ridiculous as him.

You do your own shopping from now on, and I'd treat us to some labels and a marker pen in my first shop. 'This is your food, this is mine. If the label doesn't have your name on it, keep your hands off it'.

He wouldn't be getting any further nights out, treats or holidays on me.

I actually wouldn't do those things, I'd have a discussion and if there wasn't any way to resolve, I'd have to call it a day.

We have joint finances, I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it certainly stops the relationship being so transactional.

I couldn’t live like that!

that’s not a partnership. You pay for treats, days out nights away and he squirrels away his money , increasing his savings and him demanding you owe him £2.50 to cover the shopping! Fuck that.

find someone who appreciated and cherishes you for being you,

Why do you think this is all you deserve, OP? You sound lovely, don’t throw your life way on a miser. Imagine being with someone who gets pleasure out of treating you. These men exist!

OP,

Many replies are questioning how you would cope with the arrival of DC. I agree that scenario had disaster written all over it, but it is presumptuous to assume that you want them. At least with this guy

So I’ll back up. You don’t feel like partners. You haven’t said what he brings to your life. You sound like a lovely person. He does not

Would you not be happier moving on? Living with him must be stressful and depressing. I would much rather live alone

I have a friend in a long term relationship like this. They would go food shopping and he would keep a tab of anything going in the trolley that he wasn't going to eat/use and ask her to cover that - and I'm talking 50p for paracetamol or £1 for soap.

Now they're in a position where they have a child, he wanted to avoid using childcare where possible but didn't want to cut back on hours so she's gone part time. He's used her being home as a support for him working more hours and getting promoted so he now earns 3 or 4 times her PT salary but he's continued insisting everything is split 50/50.

She's miserable and stuck. He's an arse.

OP your 'partner' (and I use that term lightly) is being awful. I'd start looking into life alone tbh - he's sucking the joy out of life and lying. If he earns the same as you and has savings, he's got money to treat you here and there, he just doesn't want to.

Does he have a car?

Shit life with him sounds utterly miserable.

I wouldn’t even quibble with a casual acquaintance over £2.50 for some shopping, let alone my boyfriend. I can’t stand needless penny-pinching.

I hope he's an exBF after that stunt....

I’m reminded of a friend whose BF was quite tight and he got her to pay half the cost of a Dyson hoover and she subsequently discovered he’d expensed it through work so it hadn’t cost him a thing, he was just pocketing money from her!

In four years he's treated you once to a meal? !!! How does he celebrate birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc in general?

He is tight bastard. Stop spending money on this selfish man and point your lucky stars your money is so separate. It makes it easier for splitting up as surely that’s what you’re going to do.

No, my partner and I don't quibble over £2.50 of shopping.

Our of curiosity, have you ever discussed marriage and children, and how you would both imagine fianaces working during that period?

However, finances aside, you don't sound very compatible. You also don't seem convinced that you can rely on him in a pinch. For me, that would be a deal breaker.