Being so tight with money?

OP you have read people's responses. What is your plan now? What are you going to do?

This is financial abuse as he is being controlling and a form of domestic violence. It might be entrenched in his upbringing or his experience of former relationships but he will not change. Your only job is to plan your exit. You know deep down that you need to end it. You will feel so much better with this headache out of your life. After you have split your belongings and got out of the rented property you are free.

What do your friends/family IRL say to you?

Someone who is mean ends up making you mean too. A good partner brings out the best in you, not the worst.

YABU for putting up with it for FOUR years - and still 'treating' him and paying for breaks and holidays when you know that he doesn't reciprocate.

If you have the misfortune to still be with him on his next birthday, if you have shared calendars/diaries, mark out time for a Birthday Surprise, name a grat restaurant. The surprise is you're going by yourself, he's not invited.😁

This.

Your first sentence is exactly what the OP needs to ask herself. I woulda thought just writing the post out would inform her she needs to leave, but clearly not.

Why, why, why are so many women with these stingy men 🤦🏾‍♀️.
This is why I wouldn't go on a second date with some of the people I see on here arguing about paying for a coffee and half a slice of cake.
It leads to shit like this.
I cannot for the life of me find what is attractive about this kind of man that has you itemising what's yours from a shopping receipt. I could cry 😢.

Oh my! This isn't love is it 😥 love keeps no scores.

Oh that's awful OP.

Although money is not love, I feel like there's a flow between the two, some sort of synergy. If you love someone you want to spend money on them. It's like you could never spend enough on them, if you had the means.

He's awful. He's made you feel worthless in some sort of way. Like you're not worth spending on which is completely wrong. Of course you are.

Saying I love you all the time - well they are just words. Actions speak louder than words.

Do you still have sex? Or is he equally miserly with orgasms too?

He’s not brave enough to do it on front of people, this should tell you all you need to know about him. If he won’t do it in public then why is he hiding it?

Genuinely wondering if you’re with my ex. Get out now.

He bought two bottles of water for £1 and demanded the 50p back.

What a miserable life going through receipts quibbling over £2.50 and never going anywhere or doing anything unless you pay and treat him while he is stashing money away not jointly for your future together for himself

just out of curiosity is there a back story to why he’s like this did he grow up in extreme poverty or get screwed in a messy divorce?

@Rockrose94 - listen to an old woman with a bit of experience under her belt. This won't get any better. Who he shows himself to be is who he is.

I've been with my husband for 50 years, there have been a few rough periods along the way. But all along he has never been stingy. Quite the opposite. We have always been a team. We have always had each other's backs.

This guy is looking after #1. So should you. Whatever you do, do not have children with this man.

Does he do this in front of people? Isn't he ashamed?

I'd be tempted to split the food right down the middle and only let him eat half (put the rest in a tupperware container if you don't want it all) since he only pays for half 😂.

But really, just end it. This is not someone you want to have children or grow old with.

You're like the boiled frog , suddenly realising WTAF !!!!
Please don't feel any shame or embarrassment it's not you it's him.
You've been too good to this miserly, miserable soul sucking excuse for a man.
Times up, LTB, go forth and never look back.
You will feel sooo much better.

This is not a man to live with, marry, have children with or even go down the pub with.

Do you own a joint property or do you rent?

I understand wanting to protect savings. But it's still possible to do that and share every day finances. I think this would kill the relationship for me, the extreme pettiness but moreso the fact that he thinks eating out or whatever is bad value...unless you're paying. It's just really bad manners to ask for £2.50 back for extra cheese or something after you've accepted a fucking holiday from someone

OMG what a miserable tight arsed git.

No of course most people don't itemise everything and charge each other to the last penny. I can't believe you've put up with 4 years of this shit.

Get out now and leave Scrooge to his money counting.

I've seen one of your updates , and to add to my previous post: EXACTLY. THEY MAKE IT LOOK NORMAL when that is the last thing it is!

My XP had an Amex because he thought it made him look important. Shortly after I moved in, he told me that he'd ordered an extra card for me (how kind and generous of him!). And I had to use it for all my sending. This meant he collected all the points for my shopping as well as his own. And each time the statement arrived he would spend half an hour tallying up which were my costs and which were his (in excel, line by line) and send me a email saying "pay asap please.. bill is due on X date". He didn't do this properly and assumed everything my card was used for must have been my cost, but I also brought groceries and toiletries etc. so inevitably I'd also spend half an hour making sure he wasn't overcharging me. It was life draining stuff. Get out of that situation and let him be miserable on his own.