Being so tight with money?

He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this

No way I could live with that, life is too short.

Well that dried me right up. He sounds like a complete bore. I'd be running before I found myself pregnant as I doubt he will go 50/50 on a child.

Yuck, what a turn off. Not normal at all.
There are lots of men out there who will treat you better.
Imagine having kids with this guy. “Erm, you owe me £1.50 for nappies”
Run for the hills. And, remember that you don’t need his understanding or permission to end it. It doesn’t matter if he blames you or tries to gaslight you. You don’t even have to go into it, just say you don’t love him anymore. Freedom is what matters!

Lucky you: he showed you who he is before starting a family so that you can get out without collateral damage to your future children. GET OUT NOW!!!!!

OP your thread has brought up memories of my extremely mean ex who I was with for the same amount of time. My self esteem must have been so low to have accepted his unpleasant and controlling behaviour. My girlfriends would howl at the stories. I wish I'd got out sooner. He'll never get someone else who's been as good to him as you! Let that be your revenge. That comment about him being visited by three ghosts is hilarious! But your boyfriend will never change. His needs will always take priority over yours xx

I had an ex like this. After every trip to the supermarket he’d get out the calculator to work out exactly who ‘owed’ who to the penny, he’d invite me out for dinner or on a date and then need to itemise bills and split between us exactly what we’d had (I have no issue paying my way but this was extreme bill splitting). I earned a lot less than him but paid half for everything, including costs like decorating his flat (I moved in too quickly, it was always his flat and I had no financial interest in it at all). If I said I couldn’t afford to do something expensive with him and his friends (we socialised with them more regularly, he didn’t like my friends and his friends all earned more money than me) but then did something in the same week/month with my friends or just for me (even something that had been booked in for months) he’d say things like ‘I thought you said you didn’t have any money’ and make me feel guilty for ‘not wanting to spend time with him’. He eventually became controlling in other areas, who I spent time with, the job I changed to (I hadn’t consulted him before applying), the fact I started doing some volunteering a couple of times a week (I wouldn’t have any free time for him). He was mean with compliments, he started withdrawing affection and sex. He eroded my self esteem over the few years we were together to the point I thought his behaviour was normal. He became abusive in other ways.

OP, how generous someone is with money is very indicative of how they approach a relationship and how they see you. I’m now with a lovely, kind man who is generous with his time, his affection, money (even though he earns less than me - it’s never been an issue in this relationship) and he’s the best father and partner I could have asked for. You deserve more and I think you realise it, which is why it’s starting to niggle at you. It won’t get any better, I think you should seriously consider what a future with this man looks like.

It may not be obvious abuse, but he's robbing you of a life of joy and happiness. Of experiences and pleasures both given and received. He loves money above everything and everyone.

Just to add OP , your partner loves money more than you
He will not change

A few years after my sister died I met up with her ex fiancée. He was excited to show me his new phone with all his spreadsheets on it. I clicked on one with her name on it and was appalled to see every last penny he spent on her down to the last cup of coffee was itemised. Years of his tight outgoings when he was wealthy and she was more than generous to him, paying for holidays etc. I nearly threw up.

Point out that you owe him nothing. 2.50 doesn't come anywhere near to paying for the larger portions he eats.

State that loudly, and then pack his bags.

He seems like a paranoid, cold, half wit.

Ugh... run away.

I get keeping things seperate at the start of a relationship but when you've moved in together, you should be a team, and this is nothing LIKE a team.

Here, at the start of us living together, my partner worked, I didn't. He paid for damn near everything, though I provided the housing, did the cooking and tidying etc (until crappy health meant I couldn't).

Now, I work, he is my carer, I pay for damn near everything, because him being my carer means I can earn enough to pay for us both.

Thats teamwork, that is a partnership.

Ask yourself what would he expect if he couldn't work... and what would he expect if you couldn't.

I don't think the answers there are going to be particularly palatable.

No, there was a thread recently by a female cocklodger (fannylodger?) who got her arse handed to her.
This isn't really about finances, well it is but what's underlying it is a deeper psychological issue by this man who us unable to share and unable to properly be in a relationship with his partner.

Does he squeak when he walks?
If you shoved a piece of charcoal up his arse would you have a diamond in two weeks?
When everybody else is driving, are the two of you walking?
Do people “accidentally” drop the cheque in his lap?
Does he want to split £1 coffee with friends five ways?
GETTT OUTTT!!!

I'd be countering the £2.50 thing by getting the weighing scales out when he loads up his plate and charging him back 2/3 the cost of the meal, just to make a point, before dumping his sorry ass.

Couldn't stay with someone like this

Sounds like he is resentful if any of his money is used for anything you need or use . That's not how someone who loves you unconditional acts .
I don't think it's him being tight I think it's him not wanted his money benefiting you.
You sound like roomates .
He should treat you better

I can't believe this thread. You need to save yourself from this madness. The man is hiding butter from you because he has decided you use too much of it? That's before anything else. Awful way to live.

It’s interesting to me that his mother is similar. Also, from your story about his sister’s family holidays, although she is generous she and her DH have separate finances - I cannot imagine a marriage like that unless (only) one of you is a gazillionaire who should then be paying for the holiday, probably.

But I am really back because your anecdote about the butter left my jaw on the floor. Meal after meal for four years he’s paid 1/2 but eaten 2/3, profiting to the tune of over 15% of your food bill. But you have the temerity to use too much butter, so that’s separated out? Unbelievable

No wonder he has more savings! What a tight bastard he is. I definitely couldn’t live like this - the resentment would build and explode. It says so much about his character. How have you put up with him for 4 years? You deserve better so please, please dump his arse pronto.

You have to be very skint or Ebenezer Scrooge to make that much fuss over £2.50.

Not only would I have not "tried hard not to turn around and stare at him"..... I would have made eye contact and told him "did you really just say that?!" But then I'm an old bat who doesn't hold back...

Totally agree with what most people are saying.

A tight man is…….

1.) Unattractive
2.) Controlling
3.) Will not support you if you lost your job or resent having to pay for you!
4.) Will expect you to support yourself during Mat leave
5.) Won’t go on holiday unless you pay saying ‘Well you wanted to go, not me!’
6.) Will make your life entirely miserable

Run run run and never look back!

I dated a guy who was tighter than a boa constricter. It lasted 3 months which is all I could handle! Best decision I’ve ever made was to drop him like a hot coal!

If you have kids with him It'll be hellish. He will expect you to scrabble around on maternity pay to buy baby shoes.

It's pretty clear you won't be able to live the life you want with him. Assuming you'd like to have kids and that impacts your income then you likely won't have the funds to pay for the things you value like the weekend away given you have to cover both of you.

Have you talked about having children and if that's on the cards have you discussed how that would work financially? Will you be billing each other for childcare?

It sounds like now your eyes are open the relationship is on the way out so it's more a matter of when you want to end it. End it when it suits you.

Dear god!