Being so tight with money?

@Rockrose94 - as PP have said: he needs to be consigned to history. This is not normal behaviour and he would be an absolute nightmare to parent with. If he says he loves you, that just shows that words are cheap. His actions are not loving. Sounds like his mum may have damaged him with messaging that everyone is out to fleece him, but his sister has been able to rise above that. The fact you’re losing interest in him and no longer have any real desire for him are great signs - it’s you reacting to him making you feel worthless. I hope you feel able to end this and walk away.

Would not want to be with someone as tight fisted as that. Time to move on. Good luck. 👍

I would hate that. It's not normal.

It will be interesting what he will do when you tell him you are leaving and he realises he has to pay rent on his own…be careful that he doesn’t make you believe you owe him a few months rent going forward because you are the one leaving. He sounds manipulative and has already made you believe that the way you live is normal. It is really really not. Just give him the one month’s notice when you are ready and move Out. You will see how much nicer life can be without this batshittery.

Gosh OP I couldn't live like that, its not a functional healthy relationship is it. He's not going to get better, probably he'll get tighter. It sounds like it stems from his mum from what you say. I think you need to find some who is more generous and a true partner. Do not have kids with him!

Sorry @Rockrose94 I have only read all of your posts and a few of the others, so if I am repeating something please just ignore me!

If you don't leave this living together arrangement (apologies but I just can't call it a partnership) immediately, can you please put your portions of the same shared meals on to two of your dinner plates, and then weight them before you eat them. They need to weigh exactly the same, and if not then the one with more on their plate should pay proportionally more for their dinner. After that, if you can't finish all of your dinner, weigh your plate again, if he then eats the rest of yours you need to charge him for his "extra" portion!

I do hope that you can move out and end this awful relationship very quickly OP, and I wish you loads of luck and happiness in your future xx

You sound like a generous person op. You deserve the same in a partner

Oh god I couldn't live like that , so you never do anything together because he is so tight run away imagine if you had kids and trying to navigate the mine field. My DH and I have a joint account for our mortgage and bills and just spilt the food shop 50/50. But we do nice things ha for each other just because , I buy him his nice whole bean coffee every now and again if I see it's running out , he sends me money every now and again to help with my car loan if he knows it's been a tight month )he earns more but it's little things like that and just being thoughtful l. I couldnt live counting every penny and not enjoying each other because you know you will have to pay .

Buy him a leaving present of a wallet that is stitched up and cannot be opened.

I can't be the only one that is imagining him with a little purse that he bought from a charity shop and it has sections for one and two pound coins. : )

Gross, I’m cringing just reading that. You’re in for a life of misery if you stick with Scrooge. Just dump him for someone who doesn’t hassle you over £2.50.

I'd be so tempted to do this. He sounds worse every time you post, OP.

On a less serious note, as someone said up thread he's so tight if you put a lump of coal up his arse you'd probably get a diamond back 2 weeks later.

So OP doesn't have to worry about money she can just mine diamonds from him.

OP, I'm joining the "this is not a man you want to be with long-term" chorus. But I would also suggest a little bit of revenge before you leave him. Stop buying food together, and let him see what happens when he has to pay for all of his food, rather than get you to subsidise his larger appetite. Don't go out with him anymore, or go to places where you order for yourself at the bar and ask for whatever you don't eat to be packaged up to go. Give him a dose of his own medicine and do not spend a single penny on him, and watch him squirm for a bit before you dump him.

A mean man won't make you happy. My brother is similar to your partner. His girlfriend had enough and left him after they had children, because of his meanness. She felt vulnerable on less money and he wouldnt help out financially. She's very happy now as a single parent. He won't be a good father and he'll be unsupportive during maternity leave, when you get paid less. Honestly you deserve so much better.

If you stay with this man who doesn't value you at all you must stop spending money on him it's disgusting I don't understand how you can find him sexually attractive.

Just to give an example of how it works nna more healthy relationship, and im not saying I'm perfect, DH and I both earn similar amounts of money, I pay the mortgage and him the bills which are apx equal amounts ( small mortgage) we then put a sum of money each month into a PayPal account which we use for food and communal expenses and take out what we've spent but don't really police the other.

On top of this if we go out for a drink or meal we generally take it in turns to pay so one one time one the next but there won't be any calculators totting it to the penny.

Sometimes we'll engage in random acts of generosity, eg he started a new job so I bought him a portable coffee cup, I saw a marked down hamper in John lewis with his favorite fudge in so I bought that for us to share ( he had the fudge though as I don't like it)
The other week my favorite beer was on offer so he bought me a pack, with no expectation of recompense.

I think random gifts like this can really bring joy to a relationship. I'd hate to be with someone where this wasn't an option.

He's a miserable run for the hills he has more savings than you because you are paying for nice things not him

Talk is cheap. In fact it is free.

End this. He is not treating you as an equal and any relationship where you are not equal is shite.

Oh please … get rid of this tightwad

I hope you are already making plans to leave
but for the remaining time how about you insist on things being share 50/50 eg when he goes to eat more than 50% of food take it off him - explain that you have paid exactly half so you will be eating exactly half/using exactly half of any products - pack up leftovers for lunch, theatrically deal meals out equally to the last pea. And if he complains accuse him of trying to cheat you/gain at your expense - that hes screwing you over, eating more than his share when hes only paid for half, and demand that your food shop payments alter so you only pay 1/3 to his 2/3 to represent usage. Petty as fuck but amusing

Dump, move on. This is selfish behaviour and you are meant to be sharing your life, but can't even share a food shop, red flag waving high on this supposed relationship!

Leave him. It will only get worse and if you have children it will be a disaster. I lived with a bloke like that. If I took OUR children out for the day he wouldn't contribute financially because "it was your idea to take them"

OP there is no future here. He doesn't see your family as his own and you are an extension of your family. It's not about presents or cost of them, it's how he views things to be divided between you including your family. What would happen if your family member got unwell and you couldn't be around to visit, would he go instead of you. Would he care for them if you couldn't? Would he ask you for the 20p petrol or bus fare he used to get there to see YOUR family! As you get older, all these things matter more. Your own health can decline or you might have a family and can't work etc.

It must be hard seeing all these responses. Be kind to yourself.