Being so tight with money?

Yes, that's what I said isn't it? I mean, we tease my friend, but I respect the fact that he doesn't try to get anyone else to subsidise him.

OP's BF on the other hand is a stingy, grabby wanker.

@IdLikeToBeAFraser
See I'd think "fair enough" someone is stingy but doesn't take from others. I'd probably assume they were in debt or on a tight budget.

But someone who takes but never reciprocates or who never even wants to pay their own way is a nightmare.

Well done for facing up to what’s going on in your relationship, whatever the abuse or unacceptable behaviour is that’s going on so many of us shy away from facing it and somehow normalise it.
It is really hard breaking up even when it’s the right thing but you really do need to end it with him his attitude to money is extreme and no matter what inevitable pleading he does it’s far too deep rooted to change enough to be remotely normal.
Best of luck 💐

You keep telling us about all the shit he's doing but are you actually going to do anything about it?

What an utterly miserable life you describe OP.
Completely joyless.
If you can find the bravery to want more than this ugly horror for yourself, please look at counselling to find out why you would have so little love and regard for yourself, and think this is all you deserve from life.

You sound like such a lovely young women it really is heartbreaking to read.

The www.freedomprogramme.co.uk would be a good start, but you need to speak to someone to help figure this all out.

The book "Women who love too much" and "Why does he do that" could help educate you from future abusive relationships, because you ARE in one now in my view.

You deserve so much better than this.

I've only read your posts so apologies if I'm repeating what others have said but it seems to me it's not just that he's stingy in that he doesn't spend on you, insists on every £2.50 back etc... it's that he's quite happy to TAKE from you too. That's the bit I find so offputting.

I have an old friend who is NOTORIOUS for being extremely stingy. We all take the mick out of him but one thing I will say is that he will never ever accept from others either. So if he's not willing to pay for that expensive bottle of wine, he's not drinking it, even if you pay for it.

[He's better now - his wife got close to divorcing him over the issue. and to be fair to him, he was brought up in a very dysfunctional home so it took a while for him to move past that]

I once had a relationship with the worlds tightest man. More than happy to accept nice gifts but tight as you like regarding spending his own money. Unfortunately the miserly attitude translated into every aspect of our lives and it got to the point where we just wouldn’t do anything unless I paid for it. It’s wearing. He won’t change and if it bothers you then you aren’t a great match.

Yep, you're nothing but a cash cow! You're paying for things because he won't, but he's happy to take it and never reciprocate?! Have you spoken to him about this and why he never pays? Does he have issues with money? As in fear of debt, or in debt?
If it were me, I'd be out of there! I'm a very generous person, but he's clearly a CF and taking the piss out of you! Good luck 🌻

Op I'd run.
Is he also the sort who'd happily have other people pay for you but never to return the gesture?

Family & friends become very tired of it. I have a family member who never puts their hand in their pocket.
It all blew up recently on a day out when they expected other people to pay them into an event.
It was something that had slowly been building up for years.

What have you done for fun together over the last 4 years ?

You said that you paid for holidays & meals

He has bought you one meal in 4 years !

It doesn't sound like much fun, laughter to me in the honeymoon stages of a relationship ?

One of the many reasons I am still with my husband 23 years later is we both have the same attitude and respect for each other in relation to money.

Differing views on money is a huge factor in marital breakdown.

I'm happy for you that this thread has helped you see the relationship this man has with money isn't normal.
I acknowledge leaving is not something that can be done without thought and planning. It sounds like you have friends to rely on.
You don't have to tell them why you're separating if you don't want to, I'm sure they'll just be glad to help.
🥂 to drinking all of the bottle if you so choose, of a colour of your choosing, with/without a friend of your choosing 🌻

You do know that this is only going to get worse as he ages, don't you?

And that any children you have with him will be subject to the same, if not worse, scrutiny? Expect your 10 year-olds to be "fined" £1 per minute that they are late out of the house for school/outings while the car engine is running. Sweets to be rationed according to how much "capital" they have earned with mindless chores. Taxi rates for driving them to sports clubs and parties. Refusal of lifts for friends due to the "extortionate" cost of petrol... And he will double-down on the nonsense with you. No, you won't be allowed to go to the hairdressers' with their "ridiculous prices" - you can trim your own fringe for free with the kitchen scissors.

This will be your future reality - believe me, I have seen it with one of my friend's husbands. She got out in the end, but it cost her 20 years of misery and a strained relationship with her DDs who got out sooner than she did.

Run fast and don't look back.

Best wishes for the future. x

This whole thing would be a deal-breaker for me. Could never fancy a man like that. What happens if you lose your job? What happens if you stay together and retire one day? He lives in luxury while you scrimp and save?

If you absolutely want to stay, though, then I'd recommend making some simple changes. There are free apps to track shared expenses (e.g. Splitwise). That way you can pay for groceries and then split the cost 50/50 (or 30/70 if he's eating more!). Or he can pay for your coffee and put the expense in the app.

It would streamline the whole thing and make it feel a bit more normal. The constant back and forth of who owes whom is tracked online and no actual pennies or pounds have to pass between you.

I haven't read the thread but fuck that right off. My step mother does this to my father and it's painful, and totally pointless, as they've been married thirty years so the finances are mutual anyway. A miserable way to live!

I say this as someone who lives with their partner of 12 years and have independent finances, but we have a joint account for joint spends that we put into every month and use that as we need to, there's no poring over any of it.

No wonder the OP's partner has good savings (that he doesn't want her to access) - she is essentially funding them by paying for all the stuff he doesn't consider 'essential' and by also paying half for food that he eats two-thirds of. He's not just miserly, he's freeloading off her, as these types always do.

You're willing to share, he isn't.

You don't need us to tell you that this relationship is doomed to fail.

It's no way to live. And something like that isn't even to do with how much money you have, it's about generosity of spirit.
When I met DH he didn't have much money, but surprised me with a painting he did of the view from a hotel we'd stayed in in Paris. He's since bought me lovely gifts, but that first major gift, when he didn't have much, was so special. We've always split things, even though we have separate bank accounts. We pay an amount into the bills account proportionate to what we have coming in. We always split the cost of childcare, and covered the loss of earnings from maternity leave and when I worked part time. Like others have said, please don't have kids with this awful man.

@Rockrose94 if I knew what part of the country you lived in, I’d get some cardboard boxes and come round and help you pack your stuff!

Get out now. Please. Before he drains the life and fun out of you. You're not even 30 yet, don't waste another second on this absolutely horrendous miser.

He's not helping you be your best self. He'll slowly grind you down over time.

You have no life at all with this man, he is a roommate at best with benefits. He has invested precisely nothing into the relationship. I would leave. You would be happier almost anywhere else op!

I totally echo what everyone else has said on this thread. This does sound like it's bordering on financial abuse. The fact that he thinks you're trying to rip him off just shows that he doesn't trust you, even after four years. What is a relationship without trust? My DH couldn't believe it when I told him about what your partner is like. It'll only get worse if you have kids. You can't live like this. Please leave him.

Edited to add: The butter!! The bloody butter, I mean who does that?! Not normal at all.