Being so tight with money?

"Fxxking terrifying" aptly sums it up.....and the guilt that you inflicted him on children.

I never ever have suggested sending z thread to anyone.....but @reign is correct, this type of controlling abusive behavior thrives on secrecy.
Consider sending this thread to friends in your circle, a close few that will pass the word about....with your permission to gossip!.....after you have left him.

Mean men hate people knowing they are mean.....which indicates they know well EXACTLY what they are doing.

Sit him down this evening with a bottle of wine (you're buying, of course) and have "the talk". Tell him everything you've written here, including all of the examples of his miserable tightness. If you finish that glass of wine during said talk, look him in the eye and pour yourself another bloody huge glass. I bet he won't be able to help saying something, proving your example live in the act.
He's tighter than a hen's arse. Good riddance!

Imagine having a newborn and he's trying to make you pay more for the nappies and clothes because you're with the baby more than he is.

Neck it straight from the bottle with no fucks given 🤣

Run. This is shocking. The reason he has more savings is you are paying for any treats. There is more to life than squabbling over £2.50!

Good for you, OP! Leave that twat behind and never look back. Drink all the good wine as fast as you bloody well want to.

I used to work in investment banking and never our traders who was on a good 6 figure salary 25 years ago put together a breakdown of what he had to pay to get his car through its MOT and calculated the % of the time his gf was in his car and presented her with an invoice for her share of the bill. IIRC she was at uni so he told her she could pay in instalments.

And he bragged about it like it was a normal thing in his world

There will be 2 phases when you tell him it’s done.

The first phase will be the gaslighting where he tells you you won’t survive without him. That you’re too dumb and too immature to ever manage without someone so organised and wise to help you.

when that fails he’ll go in to bargaining mode and tell you all about how he will change and he will become the most generous man who ever lived. He will send flowers, he will dangle the proposal carrot.

You must ignore all of it.

Litrally have people pleading with you to get up and leave! I don't know you from a tin of paint but I'm genuinely sat here thinking I want this lady to drink wine in Paris with friends/worthy partner who she's not had to pay for somebody who'd jump at the chance of buying you a bottle of wine! Who you'd enjoy reciprocating with! Please leave!!

I contemplated getting back with my old ex investment banker boyfriend when I was 24. My ovaries immediately shrivelled up when I asked him to get me a newspaper after he'd filled his car, and he asked me for the 90p.

Fuck that.

You are not in a relationship. You are room mates. And not even good ones as I used to treat my roomie!

Married for 14 years and whatever I earn and whatever he earns, alll goes into one big pot. That's how it should be. He can earn more because I"ve taken care of the children. The roof needs fixing? Comes out of joint income. Seriously do not understand people who have separate finances at all. What the hell are you supposed to do when the kids need school uniforms for eg?!

My vagina would be drier than the Sahara with this kind of behaviour.

OP you are worth more than this. So so much more. You can do better

Stay strong now, OP! He may make that difficult

he will cook a nice dinner he would then ask for half the money

How does that even work? Honey, you had 46 peas, 2 potatoes and a chicken breast with a tablespoon of sauce and he oh so romantically whips out his calculator.... this beggars belief!

That alone would weld my vagina shut!!

NEVER EVER get pregnant by this man! Leave him!

OP please do not waste your time and money on this cheap specimen of a man. He will completely erode your confidence, suck the joy out of your life. You will age with him quickly if you stay together. We live only once, dump the loser. Its better to be alone than with someone like that.

you have different priorities, he's saving every penny and you like enjoy your life a little. neither is wrong if your choices make you happy but life together would be a misery for me.

Mine also dried up while heaving I can't stand the man and I don't even know him lol!

I’d have some serious fun the day you’re leaving.
Give him a shopping list.
Leave while he’s out.
When he messages you for the money just answer
Sue me.
And block him.

I’m pleased to read that the penny has finally dropped.

I wouldn’t give him an ultimatum etc, as previously he has spun it around and implied that you were trying to free load.

Begin by telling people in real life (this behaviour thrives on secrecy).

Look at rentals

Start sorting your things (throwing out things you don’t need or storing items with friends)

Tell him it’s not working out and leave

I Have a question? Did you both buy your furniture etc? Think about how you split it? Or consider walking away from it all just for a clean break.

Argh, OP, this was me, 20 years ago!! I didn't take advice and ended up having children with the man. It was as bad as everyone else is saying.

I had to fund my maternity leaves, I had pay half the weekly shops, half the bills. He wouldn't pay for childcare and even said I couldn't pay for childcare either, so I became a childminder in the day time, and then I had to work an evening job once he was home. Then he started complaining that he had to drive me to my evening job and he didn't want to. Sometimes he would deliberately arrive home late from work so that I couldn't go to my evening job. Or he would just sit there while I was getting ready and then casually say he couldn't be bothered to drive me when it came to the time to leave. I asked to learn to drive myself but I never had the money and he wouldn't help pay towards it. He charged me petrol money too. In fact, he charged me petrol money for driving me to hospital when I had our DD!! (I moved in with him when I was 17, hence I couldn't drive before meeting him).
I started leaving the children with friends and getting the early bus to my evening job, but he didn't like that either because it made him look bad.

He once took me to the cinema for my birthday, then decided he didn't want to watch the film I wanted to watch, so we saw the film he wanted instead, and when it came to buying the tickets etc, he wouldn't buy me popcorn or a drink. I tried to order my drink after he ordered his, and he turned to me and said "Can you afford that?" I couldn't (my money was SO tight because I always had to pay half of everything) but I had thought because it was my birthday treat, that he would buy the drinks! I had to tell the cashier to not get me that drink actually. So he had his own drink and his own popcorn, and I had nothing.
At that point, he was earning £80k a year. I was lucky if I hit £15k.

I have a billion more stories just like this.

We spilt up after 10 years, when I was 27 and had 3 young children, no education beyond GCSEs and no career. He left me. It was the luckiest, most fantastic, amazing, wonderful thing to ever happen to me. I now have a great job, a lovely little house, a driving license and car (haha) and a life with freedom and joy. He sucked all the joy out of everything.

Please, please, please OP - end this relationship. Financial abuse goes hand in hand with emotional abuse and control. You say you feel like you are painting him in a bad light etc. But like you say, these things you are typing are FACTS. They happened. It doesn't matter that he says he loves you. My ex was just the same. Rationalised everything. Told me I didn't understand money, I was too frivolous with it, etc. I believed him!! And he was so so similar to your partner. When it was just the two of us - it was annoying, and then we had children - and it was unbearable.

No point in trying to work with a joint account with someone so tight.
It just means he becomes controlling with her money too.

Her best option is to walk away. He'd be so controlling if they had a child. And it would be miserable if she's left scraping money together for nappies while he's like the King sitting in his counting house.

This thread has brought back to mind a couple who worked very long hours. The wife was generous on one hand with baking etc but always said they couldn't afford holiday etc. After the wife sadly died the husband was stunned at how much money they had in savings.

Gosh, he's awful. You definitely can't afford to have children with him (if that is something you want), nor can you afford to reduce your hours due to long-term illness or disability, or be made redundant.

There is no point continuing a relationship like that because if you can't rely on your partner to support you when times are tough, they aren't a partner.

I think you should pay him back in kind.

Work out the cost of tonight's meal.
Tell him it cost x amount he ate 2/3 but you paid half on the cost of ingredients.

So £6 for ingredients, you are 2/6 He ate 4/6. So he owes you a £1. He can knock it off the next bill...
Wine, tell him your feed up he can just prorator it as he ate more of the food....