Being so tight with money?

I worked with a woman like that who had to justify every penny she spent her husband. He used to phone her at work and berate her for buying an item she’d not mentioned. This is despite her working g full time and him being a high earner (stockbroker)

Once she bought a jacket in somewhere like principles or Wallis - hardly extortionate- and he made her return it and he then got her a similar (but crappier) one in Primark to save money.

Also, OP, if you do stay with him by some miracle (please don't), I urge you to truly make it equal. For example, when it comes to meals, troll him to fuck by counting out every single carrot, every meatball, every chip, every pea. Keep your leftovers in a special tuppaware. You bought it, you eat it.

OP, when you do get around to this conversation - whether that's next week or next year - please, if you can face it, come back and update us. Wishing you all the best in the meantime.

Absolutely agree. They can all feature on the same bingo card, because he is going to be swinging like a monkey.

He thinks he's just being careful.

But I find it very telling that he values "taking care of the pennies" over your happiness.

He's also hoarding his treasure in the belief that you will somehow rip him off. In other words, he thinks very little of you, and values money over you as a person.

He's shown you where his priorities lie.

Ooh @PossumintheHouse and @AmandaHoldensLips raise good points. Although I suspect he'll manage to bring in BOTH, in the same conversation. In which case double points (or drinks).

What @brightyellowflower says -

Married for 14 years and whatever I earn and whatever he earns, alll goes into one big pot. That's how it should be. He can earn more because I"ve taken care of the children. The roof needs fixing? Comes out of joint income. Seriously do not understand people who have separate finances at all. What the hell are you supposed to do when the kids need school uniforms for eg?!

THIS. This is how relationships / marriage should be. We don't have kids but it's the exact same for us. DP wouldn't even notice - or care - if I went on a shopping spree in Zara tbh! Not that I would at the moment as we're saving for some house repairs but we both know what we earn and what our bills cost so as long as they're covered and we can save a bit each month, we're each free to do as we please.

I used to work with a woman who, in the 10 years we worked together would never come out for lunch or an after work drink on a Friday in case her husband saw she had spent money and would make her life hell. She wouldn't even draw the cash out of an ATM because he would quiz her as to what she had spent it on. What a horrific way to live.

Obviously, we all can have different beliefs and relationship standards, without imposing them on others.... But. Being itemised over £2.50?... Seriously, what the hell. Thats literally one step away from recounting pasta noodles in a pack and billing you on those. Is this what you really want?...

My DH buys me flowers every week without fail. AND he gives me pocket money whenever he's been to a cashpoint! (I do the same for him because it's cute!)

All our money is OURS, regardless of who earned it, and neither of us gives a toss about who spends what.

Goodness no, you risk alcohol poisoning within about 20 mins!

I like the idea of a bingo card though... PP mentioned him bleating 'equality' - in which case you could innocently ask him, 'Why does 'equality' always seem to work in your favour?'

Oh, and let's not forget the perennial excuse... "But I was saving for OUR future!!!"

Then there's, "But women's EQUALITY!!!" and "Why didn't you SAY???"

Stingy fuck.

I can't stand meanness. It's grotesque.

Yes this!!!

I'm going the other way - I bet you a fiver he turns round during this conversation and claims he was scrimping and saving to buy you an engagement ring! The weasel.

You don't have to explain why you're leaving him, or listen to any sort of bullshit about being money grabber. You have every right to leave the relationship for any reason at all and you don't have to justify it, convince him, excuse yourself or make him feel better.

Totally. Let us know how that goes - we can join you!

Very undesirable attitude. Who wants to be with a tight arse?

being a money grabber

Good job. Because he absolutely WILL do this. He's going to make out like you're a big ol money grabber and if he'd known this about you from the start.....

Also accusations about how you were only with him for the money etc...

YOu could have some fun with it? Prepare a bingo card with things he might say. See how many he hits in one chat?

Dump the miserable twat. That kind of penny pinching is outrageous and tiresome.

I think we're married to the same man 🤣

My DH is exactly like that. If I've got low on funds temporarily, I ask him to pay for something and say... I'll give you the money next week. That week comes, he refuses to let me pay him back. And there have been times I have done the same. It is OUR money but there is obviously seperation because we have seperate bank accounts. He had to pay for something big the other day... I just transferred him £1K and said don't pay me back.

I've mostly only read the OP's posts but life's too short to live it like that. And yes to the wine in Paris advice/ dream. My partner and I earn very different amounts and have separate accounts because we never really got around to setting up a joint one but we spend the money together and nobody's ever keeping tabs on any of it. He sounds like he's living in a student flatshare.

I think pp saying he won't change are right. This is too ingrained in hlm. And it's driven by him fundamentally believing you're out to profit off him or steal from him, so he'll always be on his guard for that.

Christ what a controlling, miserable way to live. Imagine him doing this to any future children? He’d fuck them up for life.
Please get out of this relationship now. It’s made me depressed for you.

Never get or stay involved with a mean man.