Being so tight with money?

Ick.

Why are you with him??

what joy do you get from having to think like this, knowing this is how he would treat you?

you need to work on your self-esteem.

Reach out to friends and family.
Accept help.
Have you much to take with you?
Are you on the lease?
Can you up and leave him in the lurch?
Quietly get organised.
Take a day off work.
Have friends clear the place of your stuff?
Can someone put you up?

If you have a joint account in marriage with all earnings in one pot why would you need a separate account to call your own? Money in a joint account is your own albeit shared equally with your partner. I wouldn't be comfortable sitting at a table working out who is paying for what in our family and possibly resenting each others contributions,each to their own though.

A friend was in your situation OP and when they had DC she ended up paying all the DCs expenses. Household bills were divided equally and they each had spending money left for personal expenses, dental treatment etc and she ended up keeping the DC as well, including buying all the birthday and Christmas gifts.(Well you wanted DC more than I did, he said).
Its a bit like a frog on a saucepan with the heat gradually being turned up — you don’t notice have awful the situation is until it’s difficult to extricate oneself.
Good luck OP, there’s someone deserving of you out there that will enjoy treating you.

OPs thread isn't really about contributing equally. It's the tit for tat tally up and keeping score. Not asking for the sum of £2.50, monitor wine drinking and hide the butter all in the name of fairness!

Oh ok @blossomtoes responded before your edit. 🤣

How.
They would each be contributing equally. Currently OP is paying for more

He's pathological incapable of sharing or seeing his partner as 'us' .

I really don't agree that OP should do this and get even more embroiled in any way further with her DP. He has already given her enough evidence of who he his and shown his true colours . The only thing OP needs to do is plan her exit. Even flat mates share more than him in this supposedly loving relationship.

Why wouldn’t he agree to it? He’d be quids in.

Sorry, wrong thread. 🙈

Doesn’t really sound like a relationship money wise, more a flat share.

If you want to move forward open a joint bank account. Each pay in the same amount for all outgoings, food, treats and holidays. Then each of you contribute the same and each of you keep whatever is left over as your own.

The test is whether he agrees to it.

Reading threads like this makes me appreciate the arrangement DH & I have in our marriage. All the money we earn goes into one pot in a joint account. As previous students we didn't enter the marriage with savings so started from scratch. I understand people who wish to protect their money in case of divorce. I can't think like that & I know it's the same for DH. We are family & we share everything equally despite DH earning far more than me & always has. I feel sorry this is your situation OP.

Jesus Christ, cut and run before you end up pregnant!

Yes! She is taking one for the team!

Also here’s my situation if it helps to show how different it is to yours.

When my husband and I were first dating (in our twenties) I earned more than him. I paid 60% of all costs and he paid 40%. When I got a bonus I paid for us both to go on holiday.

When our salaries evened out we paid half each. We would take it in turns to pay for meals, bigger expenses we split equally. We both enjoyed treating each other to surprises and nice gifts.

Fast forward a decade - I took 5 years off work to raise our babies. He paid 100% of all mortgage, bills and all costs. He paid into my pension every month and put money into an isa each month solely in my name. Honestly think about if your boyfriend would do the same for you in the future raising your joint children.

You are 30. I wouldn’t waste any more time on a man who will make a terrible husband and a terrible father.

So does he pay you when you use your vehicle for food shops, etc?

This is so far from normal, it’s unreal to me that you even asked.

If you want to see what your life would look like if you bought a house with this man, please look at this other recent post. FYI she is getting ready to leave him, but it’s tricky with a shared mortgage and a dog.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5012768-does-this-sound-financially-fair?page=1

Can’t get beyond 1 lousy meal out in FOUR YEARS!!!! WTAF? 😱 He keeps his savings while you treat him to dinner and holidays?

Unless he’s a walking orgasm machine I can’t see why you are with him…

Prepare yourself. When you leave because he's so tight, he'll use it as evidence that you're a money grabber.

He's destined to a life of penny pinching.

He’d have to go. It’s one of the things I find least attractive in a man

He’s awful. His behaviour is so unattractive and controlling- he makes you drink wine at his speed?!? If he doesn’t trust you enough to be honest about his savings then you can’t be thinking about committing to him - imagine the conversation with the mortgage broker…

Glad you are going to leave. Good decision.

I have just remembered a common phrase which will again prove that he thinks I'm out to fleece him. We often let the receipt tallying up run out of control, he has said on multiple occasions that I am only concerned about getting my money back so will only ask to tally it up if he owes me money. But if he is due money from me I will never ask to 'square up'. In actual fact I just don't chase him often, he only notices the occasions when it's him owed.

I just want to point out how manipulative this is. He says you only want to tally up if you are out of pocket. You don't want to look like a miser, so you don't track the tally and don't point out of he owes you. He then points out when you owe him money and accuses him of only caring about your money.

But if you did point out when he owes you, he would still say you only care about your money.

It's heads he wins, tails you lose.

How ironic since in this scenario it’s him leaching off you, money and soul! And if you were a money grabber you’re taking a long time to catch on to your lack of money grabbing skills 🤔🤦🏻‍♀️😅 He sounds soul crushingly vile OP. Run for the hills!